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Thursday the 9th of June, my mom & dad and I brought Nicky to the pet clinic for his trip to Rainbow Bridge.
We had all hoped he wasn't that bad, but that morning he wouldn't climb onto my couch or sit next to me on the piano bench, so I knew it was time to let him go.
I've never witnessed such a thing. The vet was wonderful, and gently instructed me to stand in front of Nicky as he was going to sleep. That beautiful, huge-eyed, white cat was so utterly trusting of me, I'm just glad I knew I was doing what was best for him. He seemed to know everything would be okay and he'd be happy forever.
My folks couldn't be there to watch, but I'll never regret staying. It's comforting to know mine was the last face Nicky saw, and my words escorted him to his eternal joy.

Buddy and Ashley, my two others, are confused and needy. Buddy now occupies the favourite sleeping spot of Nicky: on the pillow just behind my head .. sometimes just about on TOP of my head. Then a paw would stretch out to tap my face. Ashley and Nicky were cuddlers, now she'll have to train Buddy: he was always after her (even if he ain't loaded, he still likes to pull the trigger)!!

I wish my parents would let me talk about him more. I feel like I'm supposed to 'think about something else' now, but I can't just switch off the reality that is Nicky gone to kitty heaven.

It hasn't been a week yet! What do they expect???

Its hard for parents to see their babies upset, I don’t mean disrespect to you, I am 43 years old and my mum didn’t know how to handle my grieving.

Her way was to say ‘ youll be able to go out more often now’ and think of the holidays youll be able to have’

Thanks mum I know I'm your baby but I just lost mine.

I know its hard while we are grieving to think about others but I guess that’s part of life’s experiences.

WE on the other hand understand all too well and are only too happy to lend a listening ear and a cyber shoulder.

Your mum and dad are probably trying to be strong for you, maybe its your job to say ‘ hey cant we all grieve together instead of alone’ when they wont let you talk ask them if they could give you a cuddle cause you don’t know how to handle this on without someone to talk to.

It’s a long process and I even though we have all come and ‘talked’ here, I guess most of us have gone through it alone to a certain degree.

I send you love

Sue

So sorry to hear about your kitty. It helps to talk, just to work out all your feelings. It hurts and makes me cry to talk about Cinnamon - who I let go the day after your Nicky - and maybe like Sue said, your parents don't like to see you feel so bad because it makes them sad too.

I have been going to Cinnamon's grave and talking to her, and talking to Oscar, and that seems to help in a way. I am finding that the more I talk to them, even though I cry a lot, the more it allows me to think through all the things I'm feeling - like my fear that I am abandoning her, that she might still need me, that I did things wrong in the last days that she was alive. Since I was able to bury her on my property, I've also created little rituals for every day - greeting her in the morning when I go outside, and saying goodnight every evening, and so forth. Those help a little bit too.

This site and all the wonderful people here are the best though - I have shared things here that I have not told anyone else, just because they seemed so silly or irrational.

I was glad to hear you have other kitties - I know you're worried about them, but they still have each other and I'm sure that's a good thing. You can always talk to them...and they will welcome the attention and give love back to you. Hang in there, and let us know how you are doing.

Hi NickyzMom
I am so sorry for your loss; he was such a beautiful pusscat and such a character, judging by the piccie.
I really do understand how you feel (quoted): just four days after my RyddleyPid passed last week, I was told to "stop wallowing" in my grief, and "face some harsh realities" and I was also told to 'stop going on and on about it'. I was crushed; in the last week ALL I have wanted to talk about is Ryd and while I appreciate that everyne handles their grief differently and I have to respect that, it IS difficult when your own family and people you love (and who love you so why don't they understand, dammit!!) don't allow you an outlet for your grief and a much-needed shoulder to cry on. Well, the truth of it is that not everyone knows how to deal with a person who is so deeply traumatised as we all seem to be, and I think Sue is absolutely right when she says that parents are so upset when they see their own baby's sadness that they often don't know what to do or what to say. But you have come to the right place here, and not only will we all listen, but we all WANT to hear about your little Nicky; not only is it a testament to how much you loved him, but sharing and airing of how we feel helps all of us, too. So anytime you want to talk about your gorgeous boy write about him here!
My Ryddley has only been gone a week yesterday and already everybody is expecting me to be 'adult' about it and adopt the 'life goes on' approach; well, I just don't feel like it right now, and more to the point, I just CAN'T right now, so I am so glad I can come here and find kindred spirits to talk to...and so can you. I would love to hear about your Nicky; he looks like a totally top kitty and I am so very glad for you (and envious, too, I must admit) that you were able to be there to give him love as he crossed over.
Hugs
B
x

Thanks for the responses from you each: it's still beyond comprehension other than the facts. I still expect Nicky to zip into the kitchen at the slightest sound of a can being opened, and yesterday when I was trying to get hold of Buddy, I said 'Nicky'.

He loved being vacuumed. He'd wait for it, while Buddy & Ashley made a mad scramble for a hiding spot.

Also, at one time I had a kind of coffee table-cabinet thingie, and I put a pillow in there so Nicky could be confined for the night because he had a habit for a while of resembling a tornado. It was evidently cozy enough for him, as within a week or so of this, he walked to the door of it, asking to be let in! Silly creature. I miss him terribly.

It's a deep relief to have a safety valve here. Hey, and today I went to get my mail on the way out and my vet had sent me a condolence card. Rick had almost as hard a time with this as I did, so I gave HIM a hug!

I wish we could all meet in person and compare scrapbooks & hugs.

Love, Kimmy, Nicky's Mommy

Weird ...
I've been looking for online blogs to argue with, about subjects completely unrelated to losing Nicky. It's not like me to pick fights with people! Why am I doing this?

Kimmy,
I'm sure it is just a way for you to release some emotion. I know I always get very short with my husband when I'm having a "bad Sasha day". He is VERY tolerant of it though, and always says "you did the right thing" without even asking any questions. He is referring to my having her put to sleep. He knows it still haunts me. Even though she was 16 years old, and could barely walk, I'm the queen of "what-ifs" and "self-torture" and he knows that when I'm ugly to him, I'm usually thinking about that. As many times as he has said those words "you did the right thing", it still helps to hear it.
What caught my eye in your post was your reference to calling your other kitty Nicky. I have called my other dog Sasha so many times, I think she is having an identity crisis ! I did it just today..... TWICE!! ! Oh well, I can't help it, Sasha is always on miy mind even still, and it has been over 10 months. I think your Nicky would be flattered that you used his name! I think we just do what we need to, wether it is conscious or not, to deal with their abscence. I hope you can find peace in the loss of your Nicky (whom is VERY handsome by the way).
Love,
KIm

Nicky was absolutely beautiful.

I'm glad you found a place to come to and share your feelings. I know it hurts when those closest to you do not share in the same pain, and cannot understand.

I would still bring up stories about Nicky in their presense, and maybe that would make them feel more open to express their experiences. Even if it doesn't work, you will feel better about talking about Nicky, which may help you lessen your grief that you are going through.

I hope the coming weeks and months lessen the pain you now have. We never forget them, and hope that one day we are fortunate enough to reunite with them.