I didn't take the decision to get Duke put to sleep lightly. It was the hardest decision I've ever made. The vet, and everyone who knew Duke well, agreed that it was the only option left. It just feels so wrong though. I feel like I murdered my dog. He could have lived for another 15 years without pain (physical pain, anyway).
I want to believe that I'll see Duke again someday when I leave this world. I'm scared that he won't understand though. I'm scared he'll hate me for what I did. I'm worried he won't know how much I love him and that he'll blame me for his death.
I did everything I could to make his aggression go away but nothing worked. The vet told me that he was just "hard-wired" that way and that his genes were responsible for his aggression. I like to think that Duke was meant to be my dog and I was meant to be his person; that most people wouldn't have kept him as long or loved him as much as I did. But I can't help but wonder if he would have gotten better if he had been "owned" by someone more assertive than me. I was told by plenty of people that I was too nice to him, that I spoiled him. I couldn't bring myself to be mean to him though. I disciplined him when he did things he wasn't supposed to do, and I praised him when he behaved. I tried to help him.
Near the end, I couldn't guarantee the safety of other people, and it would have been irresponsible to keep him under those cir%%stances. I couldn't isolate him either because he would have been miserable like that. No matter how many reasons I can think of, however, I still feel like I did a terrible thing. And that's destroying me inside.
I just needed to get this out of my system. I've been crying on and off most of the day. I hope that I may be able to get some sleep after this. (It's almost 3 am here). Will this guilt ever end?
Tracy
Missing my Duke (September 16, 2002 - June 1, 2005)
Full Version: It Was The Right Decision
Tracy, please know that you made the right decision. I know you loved Duke, and that will continue on for you.
You tried everything in your power to change him, he just did not want to be "changed". It's so hard having a very aggressive pet. I always had to be on the look out with mine when other kids came over to play. She was so protective, and those that feared her were there worst enemies. She sensed that, and then would try and follow them around until I would calm her down.
You gave Duke everything you possibly could have with the discipline and trying to get him to be obedient. I think some just will never sway. I knew a dog long ago, that had to be put down for the same reason. It was a very good friend of mines dog.
When they are willing to bite, and can't be stopped, it's better things were done this way, instead of someone seriously getting hurt. I believe you would have felt worse if any of those encounters with Duke would have been truly harmful to any of them.
This does not by any way mean you are not a good supporter. You obviously have the love any animal could use. Its just finding the right one.
I hope you can come to terms with the decision you made. It truly was for the best. I know you miss him dearly, and hopefully the weeks and months ahead will get easier for you.
That was a very courageous decision you had to make.
Midwest
You tried everything in your power to change him, he just did not want to be "changed". It's so hard having a very aggressive pet. I always had to be on the look out with mine when other kids came over to play. She was so protective, and those that feared her were there worst enemies. She sensed that, and then would try and follow them around until I would calm her down.
You gave Duke everything you possibly could have with the discipline and trying to get him to be obedient. I think some just will never sway. I knew a dog long ago, that had to be put down for the same reason. It was a very good friend of mines dog.
When they are willing to bite, and can't be stopped, it's better things were done this way, instead of someone seriously getting hurt. I believe you would have felt worse if any of those encounters with Duke would have been truly harmful to any of them.
This does not by any way mean you are not a good supporter. You obviously have the love any animal could use. Its just finding the right one.
I hope you can come to terms with the decision you made. It truly was for the best. I know you miss him dearly, and hopefully the weeks and months ahead will get easier for you.
That was a very courageous decision you had to make.
Midwest
No matter why we made the decision the outcome is ALLWAYS the same, the feeling of guilt is overwhelming.
You know that what you did was right and yet our brains just love to punish us.
You will never know whos life you have saved or what pain you have diverted but you did make the right decision it will just take time for you to accept that and forgive yourself.
Be kind to yourself as you would be to someone else who has had to go through what you are going through.
Love Sue
You know that what you did was right and yet our brains just love to punish us.
You will never know whos life you have saved or what pain you have diverted but you did make the right decision it will just take time for you to accept that and forgive yourself.
Be kind to yourself as you would be to someone else who has had to go through what you are going through.
Love Sue
Tracy,
You did the right thing. Duke would not have lived pain free. You like to torture yourself by saying that, but Duke was sick. He may not have been sick in the way you think of when you say sick, but he was. Actually, he very well may have had a brain tumor! I don't know how equipped your vet was to do extensive type testing, but at the clinic I work, we had a very similiar case and it turned out the dog had a very aggressive brain tumor and he was only a couple of years old. It was very sad.
Anyway, Duke wasn't happy regardless. No dog behaves that way consistently unless there is something going on. If it wasn't a tumor or something, then it was chemical, either way the outcome is the same. Please don't feel like his aggresion was your lack of discipline. Granted, some dogs definately have behavioral problems from not being trained correctly, but I don't think even the worst owner could cause that type of consistent aggression, something else was going on with him.He is so much happier now, and one day you will see that for the truth with your own eyes. You did do the right thing..you did, you did, you did.....please don't do that to yourself on top of having to grieve his death.
love,
Kim
You did the right thing. Duke would not have lived pain free. You like to torture yourself by saying that, but Duke was sick. He may not have been sick in the way you think of when you say sick, but he was. Actually, he very well may have had a brain tumor! I don't know how equipped your vet was to do extensive type testing, but at the clinic I work, we had a very similiar case and it turned out the dog had a very aggressive brain tumor and he was only a couple of years old. It was very sad.
Anyway, Duke wasn't happy regardless. No dog behaves that way consistently unless there is something going on. If it wasn't a tumor or something, then it was chemical, either way the outcome is the same. Please don't feel like his aggresion was your lack of discipline. Granted, some dogs definately have behavioral problems from not being trained correctly, but I don't think even the worst owner could cause that type of consistent aggression, something else was going on with him.He is so much happier now, and one day you will see that for the truth with your own eyes. You did do the right thing..you did, you did, you did.....please don't do that to yourself on top of having to grieve his death.
love,
Kim
Please know you did not do anything wrong. When we love someone we always want to protect them before anyone else. But if that person or being is not mentally sane, there is nothing we can do. If your husband or boyfriend was mentally unstable to the point of trying to kill someone else, you would not let him roam free, no matter how much you wanted his happiness. And we do not have mental patient facilities for our pets, and perhaps for the best, since that kind of life may not be a life at all. You had to choose between caging Duke in or setting him free and you set him free. May he be at peace wherever he is now.
Thank you so much for replying. This last week (especially the day I started this post) has been really hard for me. This site has been my lifeline. I wish I could portray just how much it means to me to be able to come here. I'm sure you understand though since you're "here" too.
Sometimes I can say to myself, "You did the right thing" and I can really believe it. Other times, the guilt overwhelms me and I second-guess my decision. I read other people's posts and think "You shouldn't feel guilty. You gave your pet a good life, and you had the strength to do what was best at the end". It's harder when you look at yourself though because, in your grief, you can't see things clearly.
I was given a little gift today. There was a gorgeous Siberian Husky running loose on my street. I went over to him and carefully checked his registration tag. I didn't want him to wander away so I ran into the house and grabbed Duke's leash. The Husky wagged his tail and let me put the leash on him. He came more than willingly into my house where I called Animal Control which contacted his owner. While I waited for his owner to come, I got to spend time with him. It was nice.
Tracy
Sometimes I can say to myself, "You did the right thing" and I can really believe it. Other times, the guilt overwhelms me and I second-guess my decision. I read other people's posts and think "You shouldn't feel guilty. You gave your pet a good life, and you had the strength to do what was best at the end". It's harder when you look at yourself though because, in your grief, you can't see things clearly.
I was given a little gift today. There was a gorgeous Siberian Husky running loose on my street. I went over to him and carefully checked his registration tag. I didn't want him to wander away so I ran into the house and grabbed Duke's leash. The Husky wagged his tail and let me put the leash on him. He came more than willingly into my house where I called Animal Control which contacted his owner. While I waited for his owner to come, I got to spend time with him. It was nice.
Tracy
Tracy--
I agree with everyone else -- you made the only decision you could under the cir%%stances. No guilt should lie on your soul or conscience for that. Don't you think it's a little ironic that you saw that Husky outside running around on its own today? Just when you were dealing so harshly with yourself and feeling so bad? Yes, it could be coincidence. But, maybe, just maybe, Duke knew how much you needed some companionship in your time of need and sent someone to help ease your pain. Does that seem too farfetched? Maybe it sounds crazy, but I would look on that as maybe a sign that your dog DOES love you and understands how badly you are hurting. Take care and please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. Terri
I agree with everyone else -- you made the only decision you could under the cir%%stances. No guilt should lie on your soul or conscience for that. Don't you think it's a little ironic that you saw that Husky outside running around on its own today? Just when you were dealing so harshly with yourself and feeling so bad? Yes, it could be coincidence. But, maybe, just maybe, Duke knew how much you needed some companionship in your time of need and sent someone to help ease your pain. Does that seem too farfetched? Maybe it sounds crazy, but I would look on that as maybe a sign that your dog DOES love you and understands how badly you are hurting. Take care and please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. Terri
I didn't write this in my original post because I was worried people would think I was nuts but since Terri kind of brought it up, here goes... While I was walking home from work the day I found the husky (yesterday), I thought I heard Duke's bark. I looked around with tearful eyes trying to find where the bark had come from but there was no dog in sight. At the same time, and for no apparent reason, I thought "I hope that dog's not lost". About fifteen minutes later, I was sitting in my living room talking to someone when I saw the movement of the husky's tail across the road out of the corner of my eye. The freaky connection was not lost on me.
I don't know where the Duke-like bark came from although I seriously doubt it was from the husky. If it was, the husky has a really wimpy bark for his size since Duke was an 18-pound dog
. Duke had a really funny bark that always made me smile. Even as I sit here on the verge of tears, I can't help but smile when I think of it 
.
So, yeah, it could be a coincidence but I think I'll go with the "maybes"
.
Tracy
Duke (September 16, 2002 - June 1, 2005)
Forever in my heart
I don't know where the Duke-like bark came from although I seriously doubt it was from the husky. If it was, the husky has a really wimpy bark for his size since Duke was an 18-pound dog
. Duke had a really funny bark that always made me smile. Even as I sit here on the verge of tears, I can't help but smile when I think of it .So, yeah, it could be a coincidence but I think I'll go with the "maybes"
.Tracy
Duke (September 16, 2002 - June 1, 2005)
Forever in my heart
I am so sorry. Sometimes God chooses us to be the keepers of things we cannot fully understand or fix. This dog needed someone who could be extra caring and compassionate. Duke needed someone who could be patient and understanding. That person was you. Although the journey was a challenge, think of what Duke's life might have been like without you - he could've wound up w/ someone who beat him or abandoned him and left him to die. Someone who didn't understand his needs and didn't care about trying to work w/ him. Can you imagine what his life would've been like? Or they would've just completely isolated him and stuck him in an empty basement. You did all that you could do, and that is all anyone asks of any dog owner. You know the dog better than anyone, and you alone are the best one to make decisions regarding any options for him. You consulted as many professionals as you could. You worked w/ him. Your kindness was setting him free from neurological problems. I am a student nurse right now, and I just completed a semester in an acute care facility for the mentally ill. Mental illness is very difficult for loved ones to handle. Mental illnesses can cause changes in personality, as well as aggression. There are more psychotropic medications for people than there are for dogs, and even then with the most sophisticated drugs and the best doctors, some people can't be helped, or if they can be, they can only be helped to a certain degree and they still face disability. So it was with Duke. It was not your fault. Despite his aggression, you found something good in him to love, and that is a truly compassionate and wise person. I know you're sad, and it is a loss, but think of how lucky Duke was to have you. You have been through a lot. Try to do things for yourself that help you through the grieving process and find peace. My prayers are w/ you.
Tracy:
I am so sorry for your loss of Duke. I know how badly it hurts.
But you did do the right thing. We had to put Freyja down bc she had had a stroke or something. She was old at 14, and sick with cushings and arthritis and stuff. Then, when she had the stroke, she was paralyzed below the neck. "Obviously". we had to help her. But for months, all I could think was "I killed my dog." It was the most horrific feeling.
But it does get better. The guilt does ease. It was 2 years ago that Freyja went to the Bridge, and we still miss her. But the pain does eventually let up. And you come to really know in your heart, not just your head, that you did the right thing.
Have you ever been in an extra super bad mood???? When everything around you is just stupid and annoying and irritating??? Well just in case youhave never felt like that -- I HAVE. And it is a miserable feeling. It's a terrible feeling and you wish you'd stop feeling that way. And you usually do, but never soon enough.
But it sounds like Duke felt like that all the time. And he does not feel that way anymore. And he certainly understands -- APPRECIATES-- your decision. Now he is just loved and just feels love, instead of anger, at others. He feels happy now; I really believe that.
But when he was here, you gave him love and understanding. You are a super-uber parent.
I know you miss him. And that will continue for awhile. But someday, you will know in your heart that freeing him from all of his angst was the gentle and good thing to do.
Love,
Jennifer
I am so sorry for your loss of Duke. I know how badly it hurts.
But you did do the right thing. We had to put Freyja down bc she had had a stroke or something. She was old at 14, and sick with cushings and arthritis and stuff. Then, when she had the stroke, she was paralyzed below the neck. "Obviously". we had to help her. But for months, all I could think was "I killed my dog." It was the most horrific feeling.
But it does get better. The guilt does ease. It was 2 years ago that Freyja went to the Bridge, and we still miss her. But the pain does eventually let up. And you come to really know in your heart, not just your head, that you did the right thing.
Have you ever been in an extra super bad mood???? When everything around you is just stupid and annoying and irritating??? Well just in case youhave never felt like that -- I HAVE. And it is a miserable feeling. It's a terrible feeling and you wish you'd stop feeling that way. And you usually do, but never soon enough.
But it sounds like Duke felt like that all the time. And he does not feel that way anymore. And he certainly understands -- APPRECIATES-- your decision. Now he is just loved and just feels love, instead of anger, at others. He feels happy now; I really believe that.
But when he was here, you gave him love and understanding. You are a super-uber parent.
I know you miss him. And that will continue for awhile. But someday, you will know in your heart that freeing him from all of his angst was the gentle and good thing to do.
Love,
Jennifer
Thank you all for your replies. They are much appreciated. Duke's passing has been really hard for me but I'm beginning to come to terms with it. I still miss him; I always will. I love that little guy with all my heart and soul. The guilt is easing a bit although I'm not sure if it will ever be totally gone. There are still a lot of what-ifs that I think about but in my heart, I know that I did my best for Duke. I just wish I could have helped him more.
I keep all of you in my thoughts and my heart, and I hope I can offer you support through these trying times.
Sincerely,
Tracy
I keep all of you in my thoughts and my heart, and I hope I can offer you support through these trying times.
Sincerely,
Tracy
Dear Tracuy,
I got on tonight because I am missing my Lacy tonight really badly, and I saw your post. Oh honey, you did the right thing. You did the best you possibly could with Duke and it just wasn't your fault he could not be helped. He was lucky to have you in is life for whatever length it was. Guilt is terrible and we all do it to ourselves, but like someone else on this list said, what if Duke's aggression had badly hurt someone, like a child. You would have been devistated. Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing we have to do. Also we all seem to have much more mercy for others than we do for ourselves. Be good to yourself. You deserve it. Try to be at peace with this.
Love,
Linda
I got on tonight because I am missing my Lacy tonight really badly, and I saw your post. Oh honey, you did the right thing. You did the best you possibly could with Duke and it just wasn't your fault he could not be helped. He was lucky to have you in is life for whatever length it was. Guilt is terrible and we all do it to ourselves, but like someone else on this list said, what if Duke's aggression had badly hurt someone, like a child. You would have been devistated. Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing we have to do. Also we all seem to have much more mercy for others than we do for ourselves. Be good to yourself. You deserve it. Try to be at peace with this.
Love,
Linda
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