I hope this doesn't sound too rediculous, but it's something I am really struggling with. My husband has hit me with the news that it's time to upgrade my vehicle. Here is the problem...I had my Sasha put to sleep in the back of that SUV, and I haven't even so much as moved the blanket she was on when she took her last breath,which was over 10 months ago, how am I supposed to lose the whole vehicle? I still use the back of it when I go to the grocery store, or when I buy horse feed and stuff, so it's not like it still has her scent in it or anything, I guess it's just the fact that it is the last thing she touched while she was still alive and I don't want to change it. He is so wonderful about my grief, and tries to support me however he can, but this may be just a litlle more than he can handle. I guess in some ways it would be better for my healing to get a new vehicle, because it is very hard for me to look in the rear view mirror and see her still sitting there on our way to the vet, and then after, but it is hard to let it go at the same time. Any suggestions on how to ease this transition?
Love,
Kim

Hi Kim,

No, it doesn't sound ridiculous at all. I have a jacket in my wardrobe, which was what I wore when I took Jackie to the vet for the very last time four weeks ago. It's covered in her hair from when I was lying on the floor in the surgery hugging her. I can't wear it, and I can't wash it either. And so, this object has a huge significance to me as it was the last thing Jackie touched.

I have been sitting here having a think about what I would do if I was in your situation. Perhaps, if you do decide to upgrade your vehicle, you might feel a little better if you put a small photograph of your Sasha somewhere in the new car? Maybe you could laminate a photo and hang it/attach it somewhere in your new car (for eg, I have little bits and pieces hanging off my car stereo buttons- just so long as it doesn't interfere with driving). Or another small memento? Something that you can look at, and be reminded of the happy times spent with your Sasha.

I'm sorry- I guess I'm not being all that helpful... I am in the process of repainting my bedroom (because I don't get any decent sleep in there at all- all I see is the empty spot where my doggie used to sleep). I don't like making this change, but it helps me a little that I now keep Jackie's fishy and duck on my bed, and a photograph of her on my shelves.

I agree, it's hard to let go of anything that was associated with them. Only now has her bedding finally been washed, and packed away.

Hi Kim

I too have a cushion in our living room that still has black cat hairs 6 weeks later -- needs to be washed but I can't bear to wash away Ninja's hair!

You still have the blanket Sasha lay on. Would it help to put it somewhere safe, with her picture or other memento?

It's hard to tell whether it will be better for you to replace your car or whether you still need more time to come to terms with this. It sounds like the car causes you some pain in remembering taking Sasha to the vet. Maybe you can find another, happier, way to remind you of her. You might find yourself willing to give up the SUV if you have other mementos.

On the other hand, if you don't feel ready, I am a firm believer that we deal with things in our own time, when we're ready. Your husband sounds very understanding. Perhaps he will understand that you just need a bit of time to get used to the idea?

Jane

Keep the blanket. And try to remember that the last thing she truly touched was your heart.

It might sound trite - but it's true.

Dear Kim,
It's normal I think for us to cling to the last places they layed, or the clothes we wore on that last day. I still haven't washed the sweatshirt I wore when I held Freeway last. It didn't even hold his scent, but I still can't bear to wash it just yet. A lot of stuff around here got done only because my mom felt up to doing them.. Washing Freeway's blanket (had that been up to me it never would have been washed, ever), moving his bed, etc.
If you can't bear to part with it yet, then don't. Explain to your hubby that you just need more time. Maybe take the blanket out of the car and see how that makes you feel.. maybe that will start the process for you..
I had more to write but I am late for work.. thinking about you.. I know how hard this is...

Thanks to all for not making me feel crazy. I think I have decided to get rid of the vehicle, but keep the blanket. My hubby has admitted that one of the reasons he wants me to get another vehicle is the memory of her death associated to it, and how upset it makes me every time I open the back door of it and look in. I guess he's right. Even though it is a sad memory, it's still a memory. He knows how I am...the day we had her euthanized, he broke her bed down and washed all her blankets and put them up for me before I even knew he had done it. He thought he was being helpful..he didn't want me to have to look at her empty bed, but I was so mad instead. (poor guy feels like he can't do anything right ). I honestly think he did that more for himself than for me. Once I thought that it was something he may have needed to do for his heart, I lightened up on him, but that was the only thing that was just hers. All the other stuff, like toys, dishes, etc. were shared by my other dog, so they didn't have that "connection" if you know what I mean.
Anyway,Jenn, I will take the blanket out of the car , and put it in a safe spot.I guess that the blanket is the most important tie to her.
D.J., it doesn't sound trite at all, it is actually the statement that helped me to decide to give up the vehicle..she is not a part of that vehicle in any way, it is just my mind's way of trying to hang on to every little thread I can.
Beastie, I think I will put a photo of her in the car with me, and I'm sorry you aren't sleeping well. I hope you will rest soon and I hope you picked a color for the room that Jackie would approve of...she's still there ya know !
love and peace to all,
Kim