Good morning Sue, Firstly thank you for you quick response and condolences....... Now I know I'll get better with {board manners and this forum in general... hey, it ain't easy typing with finger webbing my fngers ! I've got a few questions and this is a brief listing
~ In posting, for "pet grief" I do not see sub menu what button or menu tab do I double click on?? I mentioned my brain is dead meat most of the time I'm not even in my own body whick could do with some major renovation but that is another story
...instructions for morons please and email and advise when you have to work with me here I am a {gasp Virgin!}
~I've have questions about recourse I think my vet dropped the ball and Mrim shouldn't have died... I din't trust him whole .. and I sucpect this may have led to her horrific death.. please advise you can email privately at Netscape email account
------- I share this lap top with other at home and this subject is private personal for now as we are in grief in this home.
~Grief anger management, I'm snapping at other loved one and the cat I feel like monster.. any self help diy books for this?
I think this is enough for now as I am working at home and one of my email accounts just binged
thank you
Rebecca

I have decided to post my reply on the forum instead of a private message as you never know if the answers may help someone else.

Scroll to the top of this page and click Death and Dying Support then scroll down just a little till you come to A Guide to the Healing Process.
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...act=ST&f=4&t=10 Hopefully this should take you straight there.

I really don’t know how to advise about the vet, do you still have her body as I would think a post mortem would be needed to find out the exact cause of death – do you really want to go through all that??
Maybe if you really feel that strongly you should just write a letter, or even go down and talk to him. Bare in mind that you would probably have to find another vet for your other babies.

I remember when I first came here on the old site I put my email address somewhere and all sorts of people started trying to sell me things so I hope you don’t mind but I have removed your email address from your posting.
If anyone wants to email another member you will find two blue buttons at the bottom of each posting one for Private Messages and one for Emails.

Anger is part of the grieving process and should be dealt with in a safe way one of my favourites is looking at myself in the mirror and silently screaming – so now you all know I really am crazy.
Another way is to make your room safe from ornaments and pets and kick and punch the air or/and a pillow and just scream.
I remember my poor husband just walked out the back door and screamed loud luckily my neighbours understood and didn’t call the police. Maybe the silent scream is best unless you’re in your car or the middle of a desert.

www.lightning-strike.com/books.htm If you go to this page you can order your books on line through Amazon and a donation will be given to Lightning Strike to keep this web page going. Have a look there may be some books that will help you, there are two links one for USA and one for UK.
The only books I bought were on spiritualism, trying to find out where they are I guess!!!!!!!

I hope I have been able to help if only in a small way, I can only go by my own experience of this past year and will say that eventually the pain does ease and one day you will think of the memories that make you smile and laugh instead of the ones that make you cry.

Love Sue

Hi Rebecca:

It's Denise... I read your post and I wanted to wait for Sue to answer, because, she has more experience than I.
As far as, "the vet wasn't sure....", as Sue said, a post-mortem is the only way to find out, and personally, I don't think I would need/want to know... your vet put a 'THOUGHT' in your head, but listen to what everyone here advises.....
If the vet called & said to me, "You know Denise, looking back to Saturday when Ernie was "running all over the room & trying to get out, AND her little heart was up & over 300 beats per minute (part of her diseases), maybe I (the vet) should've thought it through some more...."
Ben & I lived with our little Girl and knew how her illness & violent retching of just stomach fluids, not eating, and in the last few days, just sort of "a tiny little growl - I thought "Pain", not aggression; We did the correct thing.
I don't think it is worth the torment of thinking, "what if", etc.... Your beloved baby knew you did the best thing, for "quality of life" is very important, and, your little one is IN YOUR HEART AND IN YOUR HEAD.... No one can take away our beautiful memories......
Sometimes, I think, "I shouldn't have yelled at Ernie, when....", or "I'm sorry I stepped on her little paw, but sometimes she snuck up right behind me"..... But, I truly believe, WE ALL did the best we could, the best we knew how AND, our little babies KNOW THAT.....
As far as for the vet, and for your other little ones, perhaps a new vet would be a great idea....
I think I would opt for that, (where, I think you said, you weren't really crazy about him/her anyway) --- there are so many vets out there with hearts, who have their own "fur-children" & feel what we do.... They feel our pain, because, they know...
I wondered, "how must he feel when he euthanizes a beloved family member"; and, I'm sure that veterinarians have to "close themselves off", to some extent....
I believe, if a vet felt that a "loved little baby" didn't need to end their suffering, then, they wouldn't do it. Many years ago, my younger brother & his wife had to bring their pregnant "fur-mom" to the vet because she was having trouble delivering.... she had delivered about 3 kittens at home, and all were still-born.
I got that UGLY midnight call to go along.... so, I did.
For an emergency care place, this woman vet was very nice.... Steven & Dawn cried because, years ago (as it is today), $500.00 for one night's care was a lot.
The vet said, "I live on a farm, about an hour and a half away..... I do promise you that I will take your precious cat and let her roam free on the farm, once she feels better (and, of course, got fixed)..
I believe that the cat is having a ball if she's still around... Who wouldn't love a huge farm to run free?
I said to Ben (and to my sister in law, Dawn) yesterday, it costs so much to be born, and so much to pass on. I know ( and I've known for years), what my wishes are....
I believe that once you have gone, your spirit and your soul are up & out and into the air, sun, moon & stars....
I want to celebrate Ernestine's beautiful life.....
As Alan (our friend in the forum has said, about his beloved "Gi-Gi), our beloved "fur-friends" are waiting for us. They are in no pain (lots of others in this friendly place have said the same...), & just waiting for us to "cross-over" the beautiful bridge to FOREVER..
Where, we will all be reunited.....
Sorry, if it sounded like I've been rambling....... I've done a few dishes.. I might even do a load of laundry today,
we'll see...

Love to you all, Denise (& Ben) xooooooooooooooo

I just wanted to say one more thing... it's 5:03PM EST, and it's 30 degrees out, I'm in shorts so.... I've got to do at least one load of laundry & wash a few dishes...
Ben will be home shortly from work, and he likes to get on the computer around 7:30pm, or so.....
But, before my little girl, Ernie-bird, a friend gave me a kitten that I named, "Pete", as a wedding gift to my ex and I.
Pete got sick at just about one year old, and of course, I had fallen head over heels with my little Pete....
He developed what seemed to be a large tumor (near his spine); almost overnight..., and I think he must've lost his eyesight, because I put him on the kitchen table and he just walked right off.
So, I took him to an "Emergency Clinic"; they should've been sued by me or, at the very least, reported to MSPCA.
It was around midnight in 1983, and his temp was very high, he was very sick and I had requested that he be put to sleep, because I didn't want my little boy to suffer......
Do you know, THREE DAYS LATER I GOT A CALL TO SAY, "YOUR CAT JUST DIED".. I was young(ish) (age 22), but, I went crazy (quietly)... To think of my boy suffering.
I called a few days later & said, "what was with you people"...????
"We are from India, and do not believe in "putting an animal to sleep"..... I am not in the least bit "racist", I have a diverse group of friends, but I never knew this was "their belief"....
I couldn't believe it.... I just said, "why didn't you tell me.....my poor cat suffered in a cramped cage" . I was sick!!!!
Not to depress anyone, I just needed to say that...
I come from the "human medical field", my girl Ernestine had a very caring veterinarian. He was ill when I told him about little Petie.
As we take our suffering little "fur-babies" to the vet that one last time, the vet knows, we know & our little ones know.

If I am left on earth after all my family is gone, I hope that I am not left to suffer (especiallly, alone).

I think I'll just have to "adopt" everyone on this site..... Everyone is great!!

Laundry calls..... Love you guys, Love, Denise & Ben

Thank you, denise, for your lovely posts. I am found comfort in them, although I am sorry for your loss of Pete. I know it's been a long time -- but I am still sorry.

I love my vet. We lived here where we are now, and had to move away for several years for job reasons, and the vet we had THERE -- I never cared for her. Bringing my babies back home was a wonderful joy. I am glad they died here rather than there, tho you all know my real wish.

But my vet here... he doesn't deal well with putting them to sleep. I like that about him. He handles the procedure well, but the emotional part -- no. He rambles and babbles and tells his own personal stories of loss. Some of his stories -- well, they ramble... but the act of pts upsets him so, and it is so clear that it hurts him -- there is some comfort in that. At the same time, he'll be the first one to tell you "you know its getting close to time..." To which, I have replied "SHUT up! It is not!!!" Knowing full and well he is right. I feel like he cares for my animals, their comfort and well being...

If you don't like your vet, find a new one...