I hope all of you are well and to everyone that has found themselves here, I hope that you are finding the comfort that is so necessary during such a loss.

First, I'm sorry if I have posted this in the wrong place.

I have moved to a good spot in my grief, or so I thought, til tonight. I really just need to get this out, and my heart is aching and I find myself back here, my safe place, to pour my heart out.

I got a phone call from my best friend asking if we would be interested in a Schnauzer? It literally felt like a stab to my heart. We've tossed around the idea of another Schnauzer, but would Chelsea, our other dog, accept a new dog? She is such a happy little girl right now, really enjoying her life as an only.

I guess the real question is if my heart can take it. It's a 1 yr old male and his owner is away all day and doesn't feel that it is a very good life for him, and that he is a great dog. My mouth was saying "yes" we would like to meet "Dasani", but my heart was breaking into a million pieces again, almost like the moments right after Dieter took his last breath.

It's been a couple of hours now since the phone call and I'm just a sobbing mess. What the heck is wrong with me. I have not been this emotional in months. I thought I was better. Am I not ready for another dog? Is that what this is? Or, is it that I'm afraid of the depth of my love for another Schanuzer, only to know that I will outlive him and experience this all over again. I know that is life, and I wouldn't trade a minute of the time I had with Dieter, even though this hurt has been unbearable at times. Thanks for listening, you are truly the most special people.

If that is your Dieter in the picture, he is an absolute doll-baby!! Your feelings are absolutely normal. Give it some time to sink in. If you still feel such anxiety about it in the morning, maybe you aren't ready just yet. You will be, sooner or later, but don't feel guilty if you aren't right now. If it was meant to be, it will work out. If you decide to take this baby into your home, be gentle with yourself and don't expect too much from him. In time you will love him for his own unique personality and enjoy all his little quirks, just as you did with your Dieter. I wish you the best and hope the decision becomes a clear and easy one.Let us know what you decide.
Your friend in grief,
Kim

I think that you pain is completely normal. Love is not something that just goes away. Time can make it easier, with time we can make a little garden for our loved ones in a far corner of our hearts. But it's not gone, so of course anything that will bring it up in a new way will also bring the pain of loss. I too have days when I think I'm ok and then I see one new thing that reminds me of my Chloe, and I want to cry and it hurts all over. I think what you might be afraid of is loving another dog. You know in your heart that he will never replace your beloved Deiter, but at the same time you may be afraid that loving another dog at all like him will somehow lessen your commitment to Deiter's memory. I have these fears too. I have recently found this rattie resque group, and there are four cutest ratties that need adopting. I have just lost my Chloe on the 19th of May, and the pain is still fresh, but looking at them it hurts so much - both because I want to give them a good life and because I feel like I might lose some part of Chloe if I do. I'm trapped between that fear and wanting to help. So I understand you completely. I think ultimately our loved ones will want us to give a good life to one of their own. I don't think that they would want us to not give a good life to another wondeful being just becuase of our fears. I understand it if you're not ready, and I don't feel ready either. But I hope these words help st all.

I'm guessing your mostly feeling fear. Maybe some reminder of the pain of your loss brought on by the idea of bringing another Schnauzer home too.

Give the idea a little time to "sink in". Then, maybe go meet Dasani. You may even want to see if it's okay to bring Chelsea along to see how the two react to one another.

Even after meeting Dasani and visiting for a while, there's nothing forcing you to take him home with you. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it just then. Give it more time. Maybe in a few days you'll feel like it will be fine. Or not. Either way, you probably won't know for sure until you get a chance to see this little guy for yourself.

If you're anything like me, and you don't go meet Dasani, it'll just be another excuse to beat yourself up later when you're feeling lonely and missing Dieter.

Tim

I know how hard that decision is - I think you have to be ready for another baby. I think the waiting time is different for everyone. For me, when I lost my Sasha, I felt the loss terribly and I was also worried about my other dog Skipper. A month and a half later I found Shelby. I could not bring myself to get another Scottie, so I chose a second Westie in hopes she would be a companion for Skipper. She has turned out to be a delight. She and Skipper love each other and play all the time. She has brought alot of joy back into my life. She is not a replacement for Sasha but is a totally different dog. I still really miss Sasha but Shelby has made me feel less empty as now I have a new furbaby that needs me and loves me.

I think you should go and meet Dasani and see how it goes. Skipper picked me, and I also knew right away that Shelby was for me too. There was just an instant bond. I had looked at alot of puppies and when I saw her I knew she was the right one. You may find that with Dasani. I was also worried when I brought Shelby home if she and Skipper would get along as Skipper had been an "only doggie" since Sasha died. They get along famously. Watching them play together warms my heart.

Wishing you all the best during your time of decision.

Nancy

dietersmom,

I think it is a very natural reaction. My husband and I foster rescue dogs until permanent homes can be found. I found it very difficult to do this when my dog, Max, died. Even though I'd been doing it all during the 17 years Max was with me, I felt like I was trying to replace him to ease my pain. It's funny how your mind twists things and looks for ways to feel guilt maybe so you don't have to feel your loss as much. Hang in there, love, Karen