Rosa, my 12 y/o daschund whom I had to put to sleep on March 25 still is in my every thought, probably more so this last week. Heidi, my 10 y/o surviving daschund I think got a dry weed in her nose and has been sneezing constantly since last Friday. I made an appoinment at the vet for yesterday. My wife had to take her there becuase I swore that I would never go back to the place where I had Rosa killed (we love to beat ourselves up, don't we). Anyway, our regular vet was unavailable and the other vet said it was allergies and to give her some benedryl. Well, by he way she instantly started sneezing violently, she does not have allergies, she has something foreign in her nose, thoat, or in that area. She eats o.k., but has very little energy. for example, when we go to bed at night, her normal ritual is to circle around the bed for 5 min and make a nest and then settle down. Now, she walks 3 steps and plops down and doesn't move except to sneeze and continually swallow. I told my wife that I will give it until Friday and then take her to another vet entirely. I am so afraid that she might get sicker and die. I couldn't bear to go through this again so soon.

About a month after Rosa's death I became ill with shingles. It has been a painful and difficult experience. I'm sure it was caused by my deep grieving for her. I let my immune system get low and I got sick. I still have them, and was having to take 12 Percocet pills every day (a walking zombie). I went to see a pain managment specialist and he did an epidural block of the painful area (abdomen and back) and there has been substantial reflief. I only have taken 3 pain pills in the last week. I get a second epidural today and one more next week. He said it's not a cure, but takes the pain away and gives the body time to heal on it's own. I hope he is right.

I have been thinking alot about Rosa lately. I know a part of me died along with her on March 25th. It's interesting how we remember small things after they are gone. The day I got her ready to have her put down, the last thing I did was take her collar off and her tags. It wasn't such a big thing then, but it's tearing me up today. It could be that I got Heidi ready to go to the vet yesterday. I looked at her collar and remembered Rosa's last moments.

I am 49 y/o and am disabled since 2002. I have no childred and Rosa was truly my baby and my loyal friend since 1993. She followed me everywhere. Where did the years go? I have reflected on my life since this incident and realize that as loved ones pass, I have asked myself that same question.

I haven't posted in quite awhile (maybe 3 weeks). I 've been doing fairly well emotoinally. But this setback has created the need to share and try to relieve this heaviness from my chest. Thanks for listening. Russ

Russ,
Trust me when I say that I truly know your pain, and that although it seems like an eternity before we get to see them, it is only a heartbeat away for them...there is no concept of time in heaven.
I also know how you feel about all the little things that the memory is so good at replaying in our minds. I'm very good at seeing negative things over and over again, instead of focusing on the good. I had 16 years worth of beautiful memories with my Sasha, and still I torture myself with the very few bad ones. We do like to beat ourselves up for some reason. I say the same thing when my family, with good intentions, say "Why are you still so depressed? She is in a better place now, you need to move on..." I say to them "When you have to kill your best friend, talk to me about it then, o.k.!?! " They just hate when I say that!
I felt for awhile that I would feel that torturing pain of losing her forever. It has been a little over 10 months now, and I think I'm finally starting to learn how to deal with it. I'm trying to train myself to think of our happy memories when I start to get depressed and it helps a litlle. (She was such a character, there is plenty for me to smile about). I still have bad days, I had one yesterday after a very strong memory hit me like a brick.....I'll spare you the story, but I wrote about that experience under "He meant the world to me" if you're interested....anyway, I made myself try to focus on the fun times we had and how blessed I was to have her in my life, and it seemed to help a little.
I really think you should take Heide for a second opinion, and I wouldn't wait. You know your Heide, and it doesn't sound like allergies to me. They don't just come out of nowhere with such force! I wouldn't take any chances....she can't tell you what is bothering her, and if she truly has a foreign body stuck up there...poor baby, how uncomfortable!
I'm glad you are feeling some relief from your shingles and I hope they are gone soon.
Take care of yourself...and right this moment, think of something that your Rosa did that was silly and always made you smile. Enjoy the warm moment with her..it will feel good.
Your friend in grief,
Kim

Dear Russ,

I am thinking of you and Heidi...please keep us updated on her condition. I certainly hope it is nothing serious.

I hope that the heaviness in your heart will continue to lift and that it will be filled with the joy of the love you and Rosa shared and will always share. She will always be in your heart.

Keep taking care of yourself and I hope you continue to get well.

With love,
Jenny

Russ,

I feel for your loss -- we too have no children and losing our young cat was devastating, so much so that I couldn't bear to be in the house without him and adopted two kittens. It helps but I still sit in my car and cry every evening that I arrive home from work and know our baby isn't there.

I'd suggest you take Heidi to another vet right away. It doesn't sound like allergies and even if it is, it will put your mind at ease.

Praying for your comfort and that Heidi gets well soon,

Jane

Russ
I am SO sorry that your little Heidi is poorly. It is so frustrating when you KNOW what is wrong and the vet tells you something different. Could she have a piece of long grass or grass seeds stuck up in the back of her nose or throat do you think?, or something like that.

You are so right to take her back on Friday, poor little love it must be so uncomfortable for her. It sounds as if their is a foreign object stuck up in the back of her nose or throat that needs removing. I hope so much that the vet is on the ball on Friday and is able to do something to help her.

I am so glad to hear that you have been given something to help with the pain Russ. I know at one stage it was completely unbearable for you, and hopefully the epidurals will keep you more comfortable until the shingles has run its course and you are better again.

Your little Rosa will always have a special place in my heart. I know how much she meant to you Russ and how sorely you miss her. Little things trigger it all again, don't they? Like the collar.

It is 6 months on Friday for me and I still cry. I have been crying this week especially in the run up to the 6 month anniversary of Ellie's death.

My thoughts are with you and please do post to let us know how Heidi gets on this Friday.

with love
jilly

I hope your doggie will be ok, with all my heart.