Hello,

My best friend of 11 years, Lady, died Saturday night. 2 1/2 weeks ago I found some bumps on her skin, but otherwise she was playful and happy. The vet thought it was probably allergies and wanted to remove them next month when I had her teeth cleaned. I asked that he use local anesthesia to biopsy one that day. Lady was acting normally so I wan't worried. Five days later I called the vet to follow-up (I am very angry that he didn't call me as soon as he got the results) and found out it was T-cell lymphosarcoma. I met with an oncologist the next day. Unfortunately T-cell responds less well, but I had a 70% chance that she would go into remission for one year. I caught it so early, she was supposed to go into remission. He injected her with Vinblastine and I was to give her CCNU and Prednasone. The bumps kept growing, so a few days later, the oncologist gave her more chemo. She still didn't go into remission. There are no oncologists permanently here in Las Vegas so I couldn't get another appointment until Sunday, May 29th.

I researched everything I could find on the web. I gave her safflower oil, becuase there was a small study (very small) that 6 of 8 dogs gained remission. I found Prescription Diet Canine N/D that is supposed to be good for cancer patients. I gave her derm care pills which helped immensly with the dry skin./

My baby quit eating her favorite food, cheese last Thursday. (which also made it very hard to give her pills!) She threw-up at the top of the stairs and just laid by it, she was so tired. So I moved my bed downstairs to the dining room so she could sleep with me and be close to the dog door. She slowed down considerably, but did not seem in pain. Using greed, I was able to get her to eat every day, and I could ususally get her to wag her tail.

Saturday was her last day...she was lethargic, but I was looking forward to the vet appointment on Sunday-hoping we could try more. The Prednasone made her breathe rapidly, constantly. Her nose started to bleed and clog. I put a humidifier downstairs, but too late, to help with the sore nose. Around 11pm, my husband was going to bed and I asked where Lady was, since she wasn't sleeping with me. He found her collapsed 1/2 on the sidewalk and 1/2 on the grass in the backyard. Using her favorite bone, he encouraged her to walk the few feet to my bed on the dining room floor. She barely made it there and died a few minutes later in my husband's arms.

The grief is so uncontrollably painful. To be honest, I loved her the most in the entire world, even more than my husband. (Don't tell him that!, but he probably knew.) I am so very thankful I did not have to put her down. I even fed Lady two tablespoons of peanut butter the last day, which made her smile. I just cannot explain how much pain I feel, missing her. I am sure most of you understand. She was my world, my life, my love. She will truley be missed. I feel dead, why couldn't I have died instead of her?

How can I go through this over and over again with each new pet?

dearest lady's mom,
i am so terribly sorry for your loss of Lady. Your love and care for her shine absolutely. i know this terrible pain, my best friend and soulmate, my cat jupiter of 16 years, died on feb 25 2005. i didn't know how i could keep living either.
and we do. i think with the pain of this we go second by second for awhile...
my heart leaps toward you.
i wrap you in complete love.

If you have read any of my posts, you will know how much I love my Sasha, and truly understand your grief . I don't know how long it will take for your heart to heal, everyone's experience is different, but the pain will at least become bearable with time. My heart is still broken, I still think of her every day, and I still miss her terribly, but it has been 10 months now, and I think I'm finally finding the strength to turn it over to God and trust that she will be there waiting for me when it's time. I would be willing to give up everything I have been blessed with, and even throw in an arm and leg, if I could have her back, but I know that just isn't possible, so I just go through each day thankful that I was blessed with her at all. I know that I did everything I could to give her the best life she could have...all my friends and coworkers said they wanted to be reincarnated as one of my pets when they die so they can live the "high life" ,too ! That gives me some peace, knowing how loved she was, and you should feel that peace,too. It is obvious that Lady was very loved and her life could have been very different without you in it, so find solice in that.
As far as the cancer, My parents had an 8 year old bassett hound that had Lymphosarcoma, and it is a vicious cancer. I was actually baby -sitting their Sadie (the bassett)while they were on vacation in Hawaii. I was giving her a bath and noticed that her lymph nodes on the back legs were fairly large. I'm a vet tech, so I immediately called the vet I worked for ( who also happenned to be a really great friend) and she came right over to look at her. When she felt the lymph nodes, I saw tears start to come to her eyes, and knew it wasn't good. At that time, though, Sadie acted completely normal. The next day I took her to work with me and had a biopsy done on it. It came back Lymphosarcoma. I had to tell my parents, who came home the next day, what was happenning. It had only been 4 days at that point, since I first noticed the lymph nodes, and she was already starting to act like she wasn't feeling well. We chose not to do chemo on her because every baby I had ever seen, that was over the age of about 5, that had taken chemo just got very sick and weak and.....well you lived it so I don't have to tell you...and my parents chose not to put her through that. It was only a week later that she had stopped eating completely. Anyone who knows bassetts knows that if they aren't eating, they are really sick! My parents chose at that point to let her go.
I'm very sorry for your loss, but I'm very greatful to you for giving Lady a wonderful life. I wish all the babies of the world could know such deep and undying love. Our babies are truly lucky, although they are gone from us physically, that they have a mommy and daddy that love them so much....and always will...that is why it is called undying love .
Your friend in grief,
Kim

I would also like to encourage you to scroll down to the post entitled " Bring out the tissues for this one" and give the link posted there a look. It will no doubt get the tears flowing, but I think it will help some....it does for me .
Kim

sweetie
I just lost my 19 yo pusscat pandabear yesterday
I woke in tears sobbing all morning
feeling it all
I have no regrets
I would definately have another in time
(there are 2 more here)
She was the sweetest blessing in my life
She taught me much
Yes you will love again
yes there is loss
But in this experience it is teaching me to love everything even more deeply
this lifetime is short
love and hugs to u em xoxo

Dear Lady's Mom,

So sorry to hear about your Lady. You loved her and took wonderful care of her and made her last days as comfortable as you could for her and she knew that. When our babies leave us in this physical world we feel such emptiness. It has been just over a month since my baby Rico left this world. I still have trouble from time to time but i am glad he is no longer in pain or suffering. We had 17 wonderful years together and i have lots of wonderful memories that bring smiles to my face when i reminisce. I miss him terribly and hope that we will be reunited some day.

You and your Lady are in my thoughts and prayers this evening.
(((((Hugs))))),
Cheryl

I lost my 12 yr old English Setter to cancer less then a month ago. My heart goes out to you, I know how hard it is and how hepless you feel when there is nothing you can do. What you described is exactly how my friend Shandy acted, it was heartbreaking for me to watch. I wish you peace and happiness. Be gentle with yourself.

Kerry

I lost my Lucy to lymphoma in February at the age of 5. It was horrible to watch her suffer and deteriorate. The pain does lessen and you don't feel the sharp jabbing pains that overcome you during the first days and week, but the emptiness remains. I am so sorry for your loss. Know that there are others out there who understand your loss and grief. Give yourself time to heal, however long that may be.

Thinking of you during this difficult time, Caroline

Dear Lady's Mom,

I am so sorry about your loss of Lady. Cancer is a horrible disease. I know how you feel - I lost my Scottie,Sasha, to cancer on Feb 5th. I understand how hard it is for you - my Sasha was 12 and I was angry that I did not get more years with her. All I can tell you is the pain does get easier to bear with time. I still really miss her and realize I always will. I know you loved Lady so much and you did everything you could for her and gave her a great life.

My heart goes out to you in this time of pain.

Nancy

Hi Lady's Mom,

I burst into tears reading your posting. You took such good care of Lady and loved her so. I know you still love her more than ever, and I'm sorry for this parting.

My dog, Max, was 17 years old when I lost him six months ago. I also considered him my best friend and my husband always said that Max thought he was my husband -- and he really was in most ways! So I completely understand the relationship you and Lady always had.

I still cry every day but am grateful for the time Max and I had together. It is worth the pain to have the joy. My husband always tells me that, in human terms, Max was a millionaire who lived to be a hundred years old. Your Lady was also an heiress and I'm happy you both had so much time together. Love, Karen

Dear Lady's Mom-

Your post hit very close to home for me. My Shiloh was diagnosed last year this time with lymphosarcoma. She responded very well to chemo in the beginning, but came out of remission before her chemo regime was over. I had to have her put to sleep in September. As Caroline said, the pain does get better with time.

My problem is, just as I was feeling a real sense of healing over Shiloh, I lost my sweet kitty, Hobbie, just 4 days ago. I feel like I'm back at square one.

You and Lady are in my thoughts. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Kathleen

Hi Lady's Mom,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Lady. I know how you feel. We're our pet's fierce protectors, and it's a terrible feeling when we know there is something we just can't protect them from.

The cancer that stole my Jackie makes me so angry. I hope the vet that treated her was able to learn a little more about this disease; hopefully cancer will one day be no more.

My very best wishes to you.