It will be three weeks tomorrow since my Kamikazi began his wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge. I manage to get through my days now with only one or two shed tears for him daily. Though I still miss him terribly and think of him often, I know that I cant stop my life because he is no longer with me. Here is how I have dealt with my journey and some things that helped me. Hopefully they will help you.

Week1 -greif - listened to every sad song I could think of. Cried non-stop for the first few days. Housework ignored. Difficult to bond with other pets at this moment. Almost like I had to learn to love them all again. I know I still loved them, but it hurt to know I could hug them but could not hug my Kamikazi. The 1 week anniversary was like reliving the whole thing gain.

Week 2 - anger - Those of you familiar with my other postings know what happened to my Kamikazi, so I wont go into it here. But I will say that the drive for revenge seemed to take over. I spent most of my week getting my affairs in order to proceed legally with every possible thing. My husband announced to me that he is getting me another dog. The one he thought he had gotten for me fell through. He had a difficult time shopping for another dog. It made it hit home for him that Kamikazi was gone. But he thought that it might make the transition a little easier. We adopted another dog at the end of week 2. Week 2 anniversary was still very difficult. I noticed myself clock watching and decided that I better leave the house.

Week 3 - acceptance - My hands have been full with the new puppy, Cujo. He was named so because he is very aggresive ( any tips would be welcomed) and when I put him in his carrier to calm down, all you could see was fangs coming out of the mesh fabric. It reminded me of the Stephen King book Cujo, and so he got his name. Kamikazi is still very much on my mind. I see a little of him in what Cujo does. But now it makes me smile. I sometimes think it is Kamikazi coming through Cujo to let me know he his ok and happy.

Suggstions -
I found that not only letting myself grieve but encouraging it made it better for me. Listen to the sad songs, look at the photos, talk about it to friends ( here or on petloss.com chat room ... bothe are great). It hurt very badly for a week, but each time you listen to a song or see a picture or talk about something you love (still present tense) about your companion, it seems to help it heal. At least it did for me. Avoid those friends that seem to think... it is just an animal. They have probably never experienced such a loss.

Keep your companions things out so you can see them. I keep Kamikazi's tags on my keychain. His ashes for the time being are on the mantel in my living room until I can bury them in their forever home this summer. The kercheif he always wore is looped through my belt loops every morning. His picture adorns my desktop as wall paper, so every time I sit at the computer, I see him and say a small prayer to God for his happiness and my help with healing. It was painful at first to see all of things, but I think it helped me get very quickly over the denial stage.

If possible, adopt another pet. Especially a homeless one. It will do your heart some good to save the life of another, and in my opinion it honors the memory of your pet. I found this step very helpful. I am currently unemployed, and would just sit and think about my Kamikazi. It made it hard to function. Now, I keep busy with my new companion. I still think of Kamikazi, but I know I have my "family" to care for. A new puppy is almost like an infant and requires constant attention.

Surround yourself with people that understand. This might mean spending time away from your normal friends if they are unable to symapthize with your feelings. But real friendships never die. Go to a board, such as this one, or a chat room for recently passed companions. Check with your local vet to see if there is a support group for pet loss. Talking about it with others who have been through this recently and not so recently will help you.

Write a letter to your furbaby. Explain how much you loved them, what you miss about them, ask for their forgiveness if you feel the need ( I think they already forgive us before we ask, but sometimes it helps). Tel them how you feel. I did this and am going to bury it with his ashes along with one of his favorite toys, a Bible, a lock of both my husbands and my hair and a card.

Do something in memory of your passed furbaby. I bought and donated a bed to my local shelter in Kamikazi's memory. Weekly, I also intend to buy a small bag of dog food for a dog and bring it to my local shelter. If you have food left over, and do not intend to get another furbaby, give the rest of the food to a shelter. Or in Houston, I tend to notice a lot of the homeless people tend to have animals with them. Give it to a homeless person for their companion, if you can afford it, get the homeless person an inexpensive meal as well.

Most importantly, forgive yourself. What ever the cause of death of your furbaby... forgive yourself. Be it an accident... or euthanasia. Know that you did your best for them while they lived. Accidents will happen, just learn from your mistakes. Some things just have to be done, such as ending pain or misery. While they lived, you did your best, and that they love ( still present tense) you for it.

DO NOT LOSE YOUR FAITH! Do not blame God, or what ever supreme being you believe in. God is still the same loving forgiving and omnipresent God that he was before your companion died. He is still there for you. He will comfort you in your time of sadness. And He will be there waiting for you when you get through it, and you will. He would never give us anything we could not handle or the help me need to get through something. Pray to Him daily for comfort and peace. He will give it to you.

These things helped me. I hope they can help you as well. If I can think of anything else, I will post it. Please feel free to add your own suggestions as well.


Here is a picture of my new furbaby Cujo

Thank you so much for the supportive and caring suggestions found in having shared your journey with us all ~ I will re-read this post again ~ I continue to heal over losing Amber from my earthly life ~ I feel her closer to me now ~ yet I still feel spiritually wounded ~ I appreciate your words so much ~ Sincerely, Kathryn

Very smart lady indeed, I enjoyed reading your post and I am sorry for your sadness, but you seem to be dealing very well with each day. I have learned something new from you and it has been six months that Esabella passed on.
Thank you.................I will write her a letter, too.

I brought a new tiny, black pomeranian into my life almost two months ago.......after a long struggle with my family in regards to Coco, my pom of 15 years. Everyone was concerned that Coco would be so lonely without a pup to nuture and to be honest, I missed all that part, as well. Be careful, what you ask for..............because my little Angelo...(Jojo)
for short blows my mind, so to speak, every day as I see so many of Esabella's characteristic's in him. Jojo does everything that Esabella did. He doesn't take after Coco and he is around her all day. Truly amazing and joyful. I didn't want a male or a black pom, but this this the one I found after a deligent search. Then, I read that the name Angelo means, "One sent.".....................I miss Esabella everyday of my life, but my life is better now with Jojo and Coco has finally bonded with him. That took a lot of time and sharing one on one attention with both.
Having a new puppy is so much work. The only advice I can give is to teach and reward............as in paper training. When Jojo has misbehaved, he has to go into his pet taxi and he goes in there on his own and will sit there and look at me with this....sorry mom face. I keep a lot of puppy toys around which he plays with all day and he loves a new treat, as well.

Good luck with your new puppy and your successful journey forward in life. Let us know how things are going.

Take good care.

Thinking of you and yours...........

Litebrez

I keep SweetPea-Stripers cat cushion on the bed in the same place she left it, I have her cat bowl fun ready for her, the other cat empty it for her. I put food and water outside for her my heart tells me to do this hoping a miracle might happen and she might come back. I put her picture on my comuter as my desktop and I touch and hold her that way, oh how I wish I had her furry little body to bury. I have her grandmother's ashes to bury under a lilac shrub when we get our new house built, and I wanted to have a lilac for each of my kitts when the time for their walk over the rainbow bridge. I send my love to everyone here who needs help like me right now

Anne

litebrez - thanks for the suggestion. I am kind of employing that method already. He is so active when he is awake. Of course he is only 7 weeks old. So... That is to be expected. He just is very agressive and I put him in his crate till he calms down. bopping him on the nose and telling him no does not seem to have an affect on him. The "timeout" seems to help a bit. I am going to shop for a playpen to keep him in instead of his carrier, because I dont want to give him the impression that we go out when he is bad. As for crates.... my cats wont stay out of them long enough to let him get in it. I am glad your pom was such a help. If I can help at all , please let me know.

asavannah - I am sorry your kitty is missing. I hope that you find him - prefereably alive. If not know that I will be glad to help you through this as much as I can. I think it is a wonderful idea to plant something when your furbaby dies. I meant to do so with Kamikazi, but always forgot. I will plant one over his ashes though.

Kamikazi--
What a wonderful post! I'm sure it will be very helpful to many people. And I'm so glad to hear you're doing well dealing with life after your baby. I'm sure the decision to adopt another furbaby (kudos on that, BTW) wasn't an easy one, but, you're right, it seems very life-affirming and a wonderful tribute to the love you shared with Kamikazi. You sound like such a loving person who deserves to have happiness and need to spread that happiness to all those around you. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Terri, aka kiarasmom

Thank you!!

What a wonderful letter of encouragement. You are RIGHT on and your words ring wisdom.
Those are the steps of grief and we all go through them are different paces. It is good to recognize what we are going thru.

Your new little one is just adorable. We all have to much love to give and there is so many out there that need to received it.
God Bless you,
Golden