Hello,
My name is Annalisa, and I am new to this group. Last night as I was letting her out to go potty, my dog Phoebe got hit by a car and was killed. I am so devastated that I can barely type. My heart hurts so much and the rest of me just feels empty and knotted up. My throat hurts and my eyes are stinging. I don't know how to even do the normal things that I have to do because it hurts so much.

Phoebe was truly my best friend in the whole world. She was a little schnauzer/##er spaniel mix. She turned two this month. I got to spend so little time with her in life. She was so young. I feel like God took the wrong animal. She was so good to me. When my grandmother was dying of cancer this time last year, phoebe took such a liking to her. She sat quietly near my grandmother's bed and licked her hand. She was so gentle with her. My daughter was just born two months ago, and I was worried that Phoebe would be jealous because I always babied her so much, but instead, she became a vigilant babysitter. When the baby woke up in the night, Phoebe would come and get me and lead the way to her room, and she always kept a watchful eye on whoever was holding the baby. She always laid down next to her bouncy seat.

I really don't know what to do with myself now. My husband works long hours, and I always was lonely at home by myself, but Phoebe always kept me company. She followed me everywhere and always knew what I was saying to her. I never even went to the grocery store without letting her ride along. She was so proud of herself because she thought she was "protecting" the car. Phoebe always came to me when I cried and put her chin on my knee or let me hug her. I slept with her every night. Now I feel so alone and all I can do is cry.

I feel such a great sense of injustice and guilt. Our front yard is not fenced, but I never worried about Phoebe because she never once went in the road. She always stayed in the yard to go potty and then hurried back into the house. Last night I let her go out. It was really dark and I couldn't see her. All the sudden I heard a car coming up the road and in its headlights I saw Phoebe at the edge of the road sniffing something. I called to her desperately and I saw her turn her head towards me, and at that moment I saw the car hit her, and she crid in pain and she hit the pavement so hard, and I ran to her and put my hands on her chest and heard her heart beat. I put her in the car and drove in my pajamas to the vet's office but no one was there but the janitor. He called the vet in, but it took her 20 minutes to arrive and Phoebe died. the vet said her broken rib punctured her lung and her body filled with blood. I feel so much guilt I can't breathe. I wish it had been me who had been hit instead of her. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I just want to tell her that I love her so much. I don't know how to live without her. I took her everywhere with me. I need her so much. I can't sleep and I don't know what to do. People say they feel sorry for me, but I never told anyone how much I needed that dog to help me when I was sad or alone. I feel so sad that for a moment I forget what I am sad about and I want to call Phoebe in to give me a hug. Then I realize I won't see her again.

I buried her on my parents' farm under a big tree near the pond where she loved to play. I wrapped her in her favorite quilt. I still can't bring myself to empty out her food and water dishes. Her little "woobie," a stuffed cat that she loved so much its eyes are missing, is still sitting at the food of my bed. Where do I go from here?

I am so sorry for your loss. The love we share with our pets never can go away ~ in time you will find a way to "be" with your sweet Phoebe because she has not left you ~ she is there with you never far away ~ behind the veil that we earth bound folk cannot see ~ Let yourself feel your grief and know that in that sadness is a mountain of love that will be the silken thread that binds up your soul with Phoebe for always ~ In times where those we love are lost in tragedy God sends the angels to sweep them up on a protective wing ~ and keeps them from pain and fear ~ Remember you are not alone "here" ~ Everyone has felt the pain of losing a dear pet ~ Be gentle with yourself and remember that God is there holding you in the hollow of His hand ~ Sincere Condolences, Kathryn

Oh dear Annalisa,

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your sweet, precious Phoebe. What a wonderful and special girl she was. She was such a vital and loving part of your family, and I know how much you are hurting right now. But it was just an accident, PLEASE don't blame yourself. You had no reason to worry about Phoebe being in the yard. It is just one of those very unfortunate events that could not have been stopped. The world is such a dangerous and scary place and God does not want it to be that way. He knows your pain and your suffering. All you can do is try to accept that God has now taken Phoebe into His loving arms and restored her to perfect health, and He will hold her and care for her until one day you are reunited.

I know this does not help when you miss her so much. It sounds like she was just so very sweet watching over your baby and being the protector of your home. It is normal for you to feel guilty because all of us here at LS did when our babies died (and still do from time to time). We all feel we somehow did something wrong. But we didn't. It is just a part of life. My Allie died over 2 months ago and just the other day I had a relapse of guilt that I left her overnight at the hospital and didn't get to say goodbye. I cried and cried. So this is a long, difficult journey of grief, but I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. We will are here to go with you on this journey. Please come here often and talk about Phoebe. Cry your tears and they will be healing tears.

Again, Annalisa, I am so sorry. My heart just breaks for you. Just remember, your precious Phoebe knows how much you love her.

Your friend,
Jenny

Thank you all for your support. It really makes me feel better to know that there are people out there who care about my loss. I checked out some books from the library about losing a pet, and reading them has made me feel a little better, but it hurts so badly. Thanks for your support and positive feelings. I am trying to take this one day at a time.

Annalisa,

How heartbreaking to lose Phoebe in such a way, and so young. We have been missing our cat for 4 weeks now, he was only 7 months old and we absolutely adored him. I need to accept that he must be dead; sometimes I am overwhelmed by the realization and just let the tears flow, but other times I look into the garden hoping he will be there.

We couldn't bear to be in our house without him so we adopted 2 kittens from the SPCA, and they have been saving us from total despair. I still cry constantly, missing our baby, but at least these 2 remind us there is joy beyond the pain. I don't know how long it will take to get over this, but as you say, one day at a time.

I hope that you find comfort soon.

Jane

Dear Annalisa,
The exact same thing happened to me on April 4 when my white cat, Poerie, was hit by a car right in front of my home. He died instantly so I never had a chance to save his precious life. I know the pain that you are in because I've been there myself. We not only have to deal with the overwhelming grief, but also with the shock of them being snatched away so suddenly and without warning. It's now been nearly 8 weeks for me. In a couple of weeks you will be able to function again, take it from someone who knows. The sadness is still overwhelming but at least I can work and function. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

((((((((blessings to u honey)))))))))
My panda puss is about to pass on
and I know how hard it is
sending you healing and love
em xoxo