. . . who come here and give of your time and your hearts and share your most precious of memories.

On Wednesday, May 18th we sent our beloved little dachshund, Oscar, to the bridge. He was diagnosed with Cushings disease in April of 2003. I studied up on the disease, made an informed decision regarding his course of treatment. I then began to try and prepare for the next step. I began to visit and read the heartbreaking posts of people who had lost their best friends.

Because of sites like this, I was able to begin thinking and preparing for that last trip to the vet. It is a very personal choice with pros and cons either way - to stay or to go. Ultimately the choice I made was to stay with my little friend and to hold him as he began his journey to the bridge. I was able to do so without guilt, secure in the knowledge that I was releasing him from a body that no longer served him and was causing him pain.

I am so glad I made that choice, because in that last moment he raised his head and gave me kisses. He laid his head back down and then, as if an after-thought, he raised his head again, looked directly at me with eyes so clear and full of love, and then he gave me a few more kisses as if for good measure. (Significant because, aside from the Cushings disease, he has been virtually deaf and unable to see clearly for months, so he really didn't look at you, but in your direction.) I will forever cherish that last moment.

While it was extremely difficult to be in that room, knowing these were our last moments together here on earth, and to hold back the tears until he was gone, I am so thankful I did.

I am also thankful for a very, very caring vet and his wonderful staff. They cared for Oscar for the last 8 and 1/2 years of his life and they did it with such love and compassion. The day after Oscar passed peacefully away, a beautiful floral arrangement was delivered to our home accompanied by a sympathy card. It was from our vet and his staff.

My heart is broken, and I miss him terribly. He was my "once-in-a-lifetime." There are so many things in my life that wouldn't be were it not for him. In his 14 years he taught me so much, and I know the lessons aren't over yet.

Because of him, we adopted a beautiful black and tan female doxie, Molly, in November of 1998. She was a rescue and came to us in a very fragile condition. With his guidance, she blossomed and she absolutely adored her "big brother." Then in February of this year another little doxie in need of a new forever home made her way to us. Sadie is a beautiful chocolate dapple and was born right at the time Oscar was diagnosed with Cushings. (Oscar was a red s/h and the three of them were quite a diverse and handsome group.)

We had no idea in February that Oscar would be leaving us so soon (he had a way of rebounding time, and time again), but I believe Sadie was sent to us to help comfort Molly when the time came that Oscar would no longer be there for her. The two girls have bonded beautifully. Their personalities are both so different from his and from each other. They are not here to replace him, they are here because of him, and they have been an immense comfort to us these past few days, as I'm sure he expected them to be.

It is my sincere hope that this post will perhaps help someone else who may be searching for "the answer" as I was. When I began my quest I was absolutely certain I would never have the strength to be able to stay with him when it was time to say good-bye, but the more I read and the more I thought about it I realized, for me, there was no way I could not stay. Again, it is a very personal choice, not to be entered into lightly or in haste, although sometimes one does not have the luxury of time to prepare. My goal was simply to be there for him at the end, but only if I could do so with a calm and loving demeanor. What I learned is that there is no right or wrong answer, the answer will be found in your heart, when you need it.

Thank you so much for helping me to make that final decision. I will never regret it.

It sounds like Oscar was very lucky to have you..and you even luckier to have him. Those "once-in-lifetime" babies are so hard to let go of. I lost mine, Sasha, in July last year. I truly believe Oscar told you the only way he knew how "thank you for loving me enough to let me go..and don't be sad...I'll be o.k..
Your choice to be with Oscar in his last physical moments, as mine was to be with Sasha, is a personal one.
I would like to encourage people to find out as much info. as they can as to what to expect so they will be prepared. As a vet tech, and more so, an animal shelter volunteer, I have unfortunately helped a countless number of babies to the bridge. I hate to think that the number is in the 100's . I have never seen one that didn't go peacefully. Some may take more than one syringe, depending on how each baby absorbs the drug, but every time I have ever seen this happen, the baby was already so sedated from the first syringe that they were sleeping peacefully when the other dose was given. It is o.k. if you choose not to be in the room for those final moments, but I have yet to witness one person who had regrets. It gave them peace to see their baby just "go to sleep". It never fails that the owner will look up after the injection and say "how long does it take to work" not knowing their baby has already passed. It is just that quick.
I did read a heartbreaking post from "Punky's Mom" on this site about an absolute nightmare experience she had with her babies euthanasia . My heart just ached as I read it. I showed it to the vets that I work for and they were speechless. They all agree that the problem was the vet, not the drug itself. It is so, so, sad that Punky's mom had such a horrific experience, and one that could have been prevented, instead of the peace she could have found. The vets I showed it to said that the vet who gave the injection was obviously not in the vein when she gave the injection. If any of it would have penetrated the blood stream it would have at the very least acted as a sedative, that is just medical fact. I feel so deeply for Punky's Mom and pray that in time she will know that even though Punky's last moments were a struggle, there is only peace now. She did it for the same reason we all do it....we love them soooo much.
Your friend in grief,
Kim

You are a very special person and we could all do with learning from your wisdom.

As humans we have too many doubts about trusting the sincerity of our hearts.

I thank you for showing us all that it can be done.

Oh my,

I read your story and it broke my heart. You are such a stong and loving person.
I couldn't do it. I regrett it so. I just couldn't. I will always.. always.. feel badly that
I didn't. I was crying so hard... I loved Anna Mae so much. I should have been with her....
I owed her that, but I swear that I was so beside myslef I couldn't even talk.

I wish there was a "do over"......but life doesn't offer that.
I hope you are doing alright. I had no time to prepare and it all took place at an
emergency animal hospital close to midnight. The vet was nice enough, but they didn't
explain things to me very well. I would have liked her ashes to take home and burry,but they didn't
explain that well either. I felt that after she was put down I would have to carry her dead
limp body wraped only in her blanket back to the car.

I have been with other animals I had. I was there till the end for my other dog years ago... and a miniature horse I had... but there was just something special about Anna Mae.

God Bless you,
Golden

Your post was inspiring, and though we hate to see the end that we have to choose, no matter what way we decide, it is never easy.

The kisses you received I do believe were an acknowledgement that you were doing that right and proper thing. We never know, and we question ourselves all the time.

We just have to know that we did the best for them while they were with us, and gave them the love they wanted.

I'm glad this forum helped you in making your decision, as it is no way an easy one to make. I just have to believe that they are now in a better place, and no longer suffering.

There are many good people here. I'm glad they were able to help you with your decision.

Midwest

Dearest Golden

We are at this time perfect, we cannot make a mistake because everything happens just as it should.

I know when we lost Jude the vet said they would have to keep her for two weeks before she would be taken for cremation.

I hate to suggest it just in case your disappointed, but try and ring them, they understand that we dont know what we are doing at the time, and may have kept her for a while.

If not then why not do a little area of your garden, or indoors if you dont have a garden.

dedicate it Anna Mae and plant flowers and place little ornaments, shell know what you are doing and will be there guiding you.

Love and Hugs
Sue

I too had chosen to be with Cosmo during his final journey on Tuesday May 24, 2005. As hard as it was for me, especially when they told me his heart was strong and he would need an additional dose, I truly feel that he was comforted by my presence. I had to leave him at the vet the day before to begin treatment and blood tests, and when they told me what should be done for his best interest, I couldn't bear the thought of not being there, and that he might have thought I'd abandoned him and left him to die with strangers. He responded to me when I came in to share his last few minutes before they gave him his dose to send him to the bridge, they told me it was the most response they had seen from him since I had left him the day before. It was tough for me, but it would have been tougher for him to be alone without someone who loved him so. If any who read this have to make that choice, try to put yourself second and be there for your baby, you can put yourself first in grieving once thay have been released from their earthly bodies. I would not trade those last few moments for anything, except to have him back healthy and strong again.