This is my story about my best friend. She was put to sleep on April 26th 2005...

It is a long one and I understand if you do not wish to read it all, it is just that sites like this suggest writing about your feelings.

I feel I do not have any other place to turn to at the moment. I need to tell people how much my little cat meant to me. Sadly my friends do not understand.

I have always been an animal lover but was more into dogs. Like many people I assumed cats looked after themselves. My girlfriend at the time wanted a cat and picked her out at a pet shop. She decided to call her Bubbles.

We brought Bubbles back to New Zealand from Australia and after my girlfriend and I split up, I was happy to look after her as we had developed a special bond. Through all of my failed relationships Bubbles has always been there for me to talk to. She was always ready to give me her opinion... and have the last word!

I went to London for a couple of years and left Bubbles with my mother. I was extremely stressed when I left, as she was 12 and a half years old and I knew she was entering into her older years.

She developed cancer in her leg while I was away. Again it was a very upsetting time for me as she had to have her leg amputated or be euthanased (I hate that word). I left it up to the vet as to whether they could save her, which they did...minus the leg.

I had a trip around Europe planned before returning to NZ. However due to my mother also having a trip to Australia planned at the same time, I decided to cut short my Europe trip and return to NZ to look after my recovering dear little friend. Only my ex-girlfriend and myself could hold her certain ways, as she was a nervous cat.
My mother needed her holiday after the trauma of Bubbles’ operation.

I was heartbroken when I saw her again, as I did not realise that her leg had been removed completely including the shoulder area. Her fur had still not grown back at that stage as well. However, it was also one of the happiest days of my life when she recognised me straight away and started purring.

My ex-girlfriend (the one who originally wanted Bubbles) has occasionally looked after her over the years when I have been away. We have remained friends all these years. However, just when I really needed her support, she told me she thought I was cruel for having Bubbles’ leg removed and should of had her euthanased. This was a shock. Bubbles had developed a certain amount of arthritis at this stage as she was 14 and a half years old, but could still get around okay. I have a lot of stairs and she went up and down without too much trouble.

Bubbles lived for another 3 years and 9 months. It has been a roller coaster period for me but I do not regret it as I have received more pleasure from my little girl in these last years than many of the previous years. It certainly proves you get out of something what you put in. I put in everything I had. I would cut short social outings or not go because I did not want to leave Bubbles alone for long. I have worked part time for the past 3 years for that same reason. Relationships have run second.

At the end Bubbles had been blind for at least six months and her hearing was starting to fail. Her arthritis was getting worse but she still went up and down those stairs. She eventually suc%%bed to kidney failure.

A few enduring images I have of her happened about nine months ago. She used to stare at me for 5-10 minutes or more. She had never really done that before. She did this over a period of a month and I couldn't figure it out. I like to believe that because she knew she was going blind, she was staring at me so that she would remember what I looked like.

I am free to return to London now, which it what I have wanted. However I would forsake that without hesitation if I could have my little Bubbles back. I cannot believe how painful this time is. I miss her so much.

For all those readers that have got this far, I thank you for your time and patience. I believe this has helped me to air some of my thoughts and feelings. My thoughts also go out to you all, as I know you too have been through this pain.

May we meet our little friends again sometime in the future.

Steve,
It seems that Bubbles was extremely lucky to have you. It is obvious that if her life was in the hands of others, she would have left this world almost 4 years ago! It sounds to me like she had a very full life, and amputating the leg seems like it was a good decision. Our animal babies adapt to those kinds of procedures with incredible speed. It gave her almost 4 more years to enjoy your companionship, and you put all your efforts into keeping her happy and comfy (which is no small job with our kitty friends !)
This site is an excellent place to share your feelings, because everyone here has lived your pain and certainly understand your grief. I wish I could tell you, as others here may, that it gets better with time, but I have been without my Sasha for 10 months now and the pain hasn't even begun to fade . I do, however, learn with every passing day how to move forward and deal with her physical absence.
I hope that you can feel good about what you did for Bubbles, and know that she is whole again, with all four legs to manuver those stairs.
Your friend in grief,
Kim

I think it's definitely good to share your feelings, and you should not feel bad for writing too long, even if you have to come back and share again. It takes more than one talk to get through something like this. I also don't have many firends that understand. At least not ones close by. Many people told me I care too much for my little Chloe, but I think they are wrong. I think it's caring too little that's cruel and thinking that humans deserve more caring than other animals is simply beyond any sort of rationality. I hope you know that you have done more for your kittie than most people would have done, and that she certainly knows that you loved her. She is at peace. And I hope you will find some comfort in that, one day.

Dear Steve,

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Bubbles. She sounds like such a special cat. I know how hard it is to lose a friend like that -they are so loving and wonderful to us -sometimes in ways it seems that other humans are incapable of. It is good that you (and your mother) took such good care of her and gave her 3 more love-filled years that she wouldn't have had if you and your mom and the vets had given up on her. She survived because she needed to spend her last years with you who she loved and adored so much.

I am confident that we will all be reunited with them one day. Until then it is best just to honor their memories in any way we can, and you have done that for Bubbles by posting here. I wish you peace as you go through this difficult journey of grief. We are here for you.

Jenny

Dear Kim R, Chloe Love and Jenny (Nora’s Mom), thank you for your kind words of sympathy and support. I do feel better today, but I tend to start the week that way. I get worse as the week goes on. It must be the effect of coming home from work and not being met by my little friend, which gets to me by the end of the week.

Kim I feel much sadness that your pain has not diminished in these last 10 months, since you lost Sasha . I hope that it eases someday so that you can begin to feel happiness again.

Chloe Love, I know your grief must be immense at the moment as it is so fresh. Please try not to feel guilty about anything that you did or didn’t do. I know it is easier said than done, as I still have my own feelings of guilt to manage. However, like everyone here will tell you, your Chloe knows that everything you did for her was done with great love.

Jenny, I am so sad that you did not have more time with your wonderful Allie. I hope that by coming to this site it has helped your suffering these last couple of months. I pray that you are right and that we will be united with our loved ones again. I sure don’t want to go anywhere if they’re not there.

For any other readers that are going through their own private torment, I want to pass on my deepest sorrow and but also wishes that your grieving does not become too intolerable.

I have found great comfort in coming to this site and others as they help to share your grief. It is unfortunate that society as a whole cannot or does not want to understand us. I have found stories of great suffering but also stories of great strength here.

I will keep returning to pass on my feelings in the hope that it helps others as well as me.

Steve,
I am so sorry for your loss.....Bubbles was much loved and I think it was wonderful that you gave her the opportunity to have a healthy life by having her leg amputated. She obviously wasn't ready to leave this earth at that time and you gave her the gift of life. She sounds like a very special little girl and I know she will forever live in your heart. It's so hard loosing a much loved companion so you hang in there and visit here often to help you through.

God Bless,

Karen