Hi everyone, my name is lori ~
wednesday morning was the worst day of my life. i lost my beautiful russian blue cat "pretty girl". i have had pets all of my life. i am a true blue cat lover. never have i felt such pain and grief as i feel right now and have for 2 days now. all of my life i have had many cats, some lost to cancer, some ran away and i have had the last 3 hit by fast drivers. i rescued pretty girl at 8 weeks old from an abusive family and brought her into my own. beautiful long fuzzy gray hair and amber colored eyes and the most loving creature i have ever had the priviledge to know. she was the best animal in all my 37 yrs of life. i am not coping well at all. in nov she got stepped on in the middle of the night and her leg was broken at the knee. i sacraficed my daughters disneyland money to fix our precious girl. she would have been 3 yrs old this month and died days before her b-day. my daughters and i felt selfish because we made her an inside cat. i struggled with not letting her go outside and chase butterflies and smell flowers. only a few times i would let her out in the garden with me under close watch. everytime a door opened she would try and "escape" a few moments of freedom, but her place was at the window watching birds.this last week my dad took the screen door off to replace the frontdoor of the home i bought. everyday we would walk in (my daughters and i ) they are 13 and 10 and she was always on the back of the couch to greet us at the end of the day then follow us around. wednesday morning my fiance was the last to leave the house and left the door open a crack. sadly she did get out, and in the time it took him to get something from our room and go to his car, she had been hit. he picked her up out of the street and took her in the house and called me at work. 20 minutes later i got to her and she was bad. no visible injuries but a bit of blood in her mouth. and she was struggling to breathe. i called her name 2 times to let her know her mom was there to help her , and this is what is killing me right now. as much pain as she was in she tried with all that is in her to meow to me twice as if asking for me to help her. i picked the bed up and ran to the car and held her head up to help her breathe and rushed her to the pet hospital. talking to her and pleading with her the hang on, don't leave me. they took her and got her on oxygen and came and told me her leg was rebroke and she was bleeding internally. they wanted to do surgery but she was in shock and clinging to life. i had to make the gut wrenching decision to have her put to final rest. they wanted me to take my time with her but i couldn't stand watching her suffer more than i had witnessed. that was the worst feeling in the world and i was bawling uncontrollably. i signed the paper at her side, petted her, and whispered in her ear, to never forget the girls and i and that we loved her so so much and to walk into the light and follow the light and we would see her there someday. told her i loved her so much and that we would never forget her ever. they handed her to me in a box and i can not tell you the pain my heart was going through or the guilt my fiance carries for leaving the door open. i brought her home and wanted to have one last look. they had put her in a flowery pillowcase type thing. and i looked at her as she lied there in total peace. i picked her up in the cloth she was in and held her, rocking her back and forth i sobbed loudly in grief and appologizing to her nonstop.I was grieving and crying like i did when my grandfather died 6 yrs ago. i wanted her back so bad. the worst was yet to come when i had to wait the entire day to tell my girls. we got home, and my oldest immediatley was scanning the room for her with her eyes. i told them both to go to my room and sit on the bed. i brought the box that pretty girl was in and set it on my bed. i looked at my girls and my oldest knew what i was going to say because i told them this was the hardest thing i have ever had to do and my youngest one's smile dropped. i told them that she was in the box and they we all started crying hard.i told them what happened and that it wasn't mike didn't mean to leave the door open and they knew how she was always trying to run out any door that was cracked. i asked if they wanted to say goodbye and reassurred them that she just looked as if she was sleeping and she did. the hospital cleaned the blood of her face before giving her to me. we all put something special with her that she played with and her brush and 2 pink carnations and a red rose, said goodbye and covered her up and dug her final resting place in the back yard that the girls picked. my fiance called and my girls were mature enough to tell him it was not his fault. i never said that to them to tell him that, they felt it wasn't his fault. he thought they would hate him. he cried on and off all wednesday because of the hurt he saw me go through. he guilt was deep and i didn't want him to keep saying sorry, it was not going to bring my precious pet back. he came over and helped us dig her spot, was layed her to rest and decorated her site. we held hands and we said a prayer and threw rosepedals on her area. i can't tell you the pain that i am in right now, the guilt of having to make god's decision, and grief that is tearing me up. i'm depressed and have no appetite whatsoever. last night i had a nightmare that i had to put her to sleep all over again. i never knew that a pet would come into your life and be that special one, that very special one that touched you like no other and the bond. it was like that for all three of us and now i am struggling with thoughts that it hurts so bad that she's not around. it's hard to be at the house because i keep looking for her in the hall, on the girls bed's and in the middle of the night, look down so i don't trip over her. her fur is still on the windowseal and the back of the couch and it's so hard to see an empty spot where she used to lay and greet us. my heart hurts so bad and just want to know that i am not alone with feeling this way. if anyone could please reach out and let me know, that this pain will ease up, because i have never been this heartbroken before and it's just shattered my girls and i. we miss our Pretty Girl so deeply. in the future i will post a picture of our precious gift we lost but will never forget.
~lori~

Hi Lori,
Your post brought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to your and your family and your friend. I am so, so sorry that happened. I am getting ready to leave for work right now, so all i can give right now is a quick response. It will get better, I promise, but it is not an easy road. Others will come to help you today, I hope. I know how much you need to talk. I wish I could stay to "talk" more to you now. I'll check in later.
Love,
Marcia

You poor dear ~ My heart goes out to you in your loss ~ Love is so powerful ~ to hold her and send her across the spiritual way to stay forever transformed in a new way for you both was what occurred ~ You held her and loved her and she was and will forever be bonded with you spiritually now and forever ~ in love ~ I am so sorry for your pain ~ I send prayers of healing to you ~ you are not alone in your grief ~ God Bless ~ Kathryn

Dear Lori,

I am so very sorry that you lost your precious Pretty Girl. We lost Cassie the same way--a beautful tortie "free spirit" of a cat that came to us as a pregnant stray. She had to have her babies cesaerian. We didn't think they'd be born alive but alas! we were presented with six healthy, adorable tiny balls of fur (we still have all six of them!). One day she escaped the house (she was like Pretty Girl--always wanting to be outside). My roommate found her. It about killed me. The person hit her and never stopped.

I can remember horrible feelings of numbness and a never-ending painful, churning stomach. I grieved for Cassie for weeks. My roommate still regrets not going after her and trying to retrieve her. She was hit while we both were gone.

Lori, when you open your heart and love a person or animal, when they are taken from you it is pain beyond description--a living hell. There are people who acquire animals and for some reason never allow themselves to truly bond and open their hearts to love them deeply. I don't know how a person can carry that off since every creature that's ever been in my grasp has been loved and treasured.

Though I cannot feel what you are feeling, I surely understand pain for I have had to say goodbye to dozens of dearly loved pets in my lifetime. I will tell you, you never, ever learn to tolerate it. It is unbearably painful every time.

What I have learned over the years is that though my beloved fur angels are no longer with me physically, their spirtual presence is never more than a thought away. I believe with all my heart that animals have souls just as we have souls. Their spirits live forever. How could they not--they are so pure and innocent and forgiving? They don't care if you live in a mansion or a two room flat, have more money than the richest person on the planet, or you're old and wrinkled and have nothing but rags to wear, or you look like a model and have closets of expensive clothes. Material things matter not to them--their whole purpose and existence wraps around your love and your attention. Their acceptance is unmatched by any human being.

Pretty Girl lacked for nothing. It is truly tragic that she had to leave you so soon and under such painful cir%%stances, but because I think that animals are angels at times, she had a purpose for her sacrifice.

I pray that you and your family will not blame yourselves and be overcome with guilt. Guilt serves no useful purpose. Accidents happen and sometimes they are part of a much larger plan that ultimately will work for good.

May God comfort you and console you and help you understand that Pretty Girl is safe in God's garden, enjoying the catnip, chasing butterflies, and snoozing peacefully among the other felines in God's special feline paradise. He has restored her and she will wait for you, one day, at the beautiful Rainbow Bridge.

Hold fast to that truth, for as faithful as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,
you will see Pretty Girl again.

Hugs and deep sympathy to you and yor family,

((((Susan)))) ==^..^==
~ a voice for the voiceless

Dear Lori,

I'm so very sorry for your loss of Pretty Girl. I know the pain you're feeling right now is immense, but I can tell you from my own experience that as time goes by the pain will ease up. Shiloh was my love and my life. I lost her 8 months ago, and although I know I will never stop missing her, the saddness I feel now is not as encompassing as it was when she first died.

You and your family are in my thoughts.
Kathleen

I understand your pain, I lost my baby by a car. You are very strong and your daughters are wonderful and very mature. I lost my baby a month and 5 days ago and the pain is unbelievable. This site is wonderful and have helped my mother and myself through our suffering and I know they will do the same for you.
My love to you and your family.

Lori, I am so sorry for the loss of Pretty Girl. At such a young age, I can't tell you how my heart goes out to you and your family.

I think your girls are very wise for not blaming your fiance. It serves no purpose, and all of you can go forward with the healing process, without blame. I commend your daughters for that.

Our pets hold a special place in our hearts, and we hate to see them hurt or suffering. I am sure Pretty Girl was thankful that you were there to say goodbye, and realizes you made the best choice for her, and I know that is not any easy one to make.

With time, as in your Grandfathers passing, the tears do not flow as frequently, and it does get a little easier, though we never forget.

I wish you and your family the best right now and my sympathy goes out to you.

thank you all for all your love and support and encourageing words. it has made me cry several times over, but it has helped greatly. it's been only 4 days without her, and still i get worried if someone leaves the door open or cracked and go to say something and realize that it doesn't matter now. i also look down at the floor while coming out of a room so i don't step on her hurt leg and catch myself. i guess habits don't die right? i want to say something that i don't know if all believe but i will say it anyway, maybe we are just insane with grief right now and imaging i don't know. the day she died, the girls and i were home, each girl heard her meow 4 times, and in my room i heard her purr. weird? perhaps, to me and the girls, she was just having "her" chance to say goodbye to us. the next morning we got up and went out to her grave. i burried her where an above ground pool sat with the previous owners of the house i bought. its about 6 feet across and 18 feet around, soft beach sand and we burried her smack dab in the middle. when we went to her grave, there were kitty paw prints on top of her grave by the flower and walked from there to the back of her grave by the sunflower windmill and chimes we placed there. the prints disappeared. there were no prints that led to her grave or away from her grave and they were hard prints as if the ground was wet, stepped in and dried. i thought i was going nuts but my daughters and there little friend saw what i saw. it was just strange to me. we preserved the prints with little rocks around them to point them out. how could there not be other prints in the sand that led to her grave and away from it? i found it unusual but very comforting. i am able to accept her death now. i was angry though yesterday that she was gone. i will post a picture of her when i get the chance. thank you so much for all that you have done to support me with encouragment and love. this place is great and has helped me in knowing that i am not alone. thank you
~lori~

Dear Lori,

I truly believe that our furry friends make their way back to us to pay us visits. I've not a doubt that what your heard was Pretty Girl saying goodbye and letting you know that she's okay. I had goose bumps when I read about the foot prints around her grave. Wow! What an amazing kitty, and what an amazing gift she gave you and your daughters.

Hugs,
Kathleen

Lori- I am so sorry about the loss of your baby. It is obvious how deeply you and your family cared for her. The pain and shock are hard to take. It sounds like you made her last hours and minutes on earth very comforting as she really knew you were there for her until the end. My husband and I held our 5 year old lab Lucy in our arms as she was euthanised in February (she was suffering terribly from lymphoma cancer). It was painful beyond belief but I will never regret being with her until the end. You are in my thoughts during this very painful and difficult time...

Caroline

Dear Lori -

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious, Pretty Girl. I felt so sad for all of you after reading your post. I have no doubt that those pawprints you saw were a sign from your girl. That is truly amazing! I'm glad that you felt comforted after seeing them.

Again, my sympathy to you and your family. Wishing you peace - It will come in time.

Sincerely,
Lynn

Lori,

I know the pain. I lost Suzy in February. I am devastated. She was a Russian Blue too and the most gentle, loving little angel. I am crying so intensely now, I have to go. But I know. I truly, truly know.

Love
Suzanne