I am at work and had to take a second and write my feelings ~ I broke into sobs suddenly here thinking of my Ambie and her window at home and how she will never lay there again in the summer sun, or sit on her table nearby and watch the birds and squirrels running by ~ During her last several weeks here with me ~ she "demanded" that I open "her" window several times a day ~ so she could jump up and smell all of the life abounding as Spring was beginning to come to the Mountains ~ My sweet girl I miss her so much ~ I have been blocking many of my feelings to survive daily life ~ I know this will happen again as I grieve my loss ~ I pray for spiritual strength to be comforted by that which I cannot see and am just beginning to know about my relationship with my dear tabby girl ~ but for now I am saddened and it rains in my heart ~ Thank you for listening ~ Kathryn

kathryn~
i am glad to know that it is just not myself that grieves so hard. my heart is so broken right now and i too yesterday pleaded with god to speed through my pain and hurt of losing my Pretty Girl. i still am in shock that this happened to me and my girls on wednesday. i feel the pain of her being gone, but have not excepted her passing yet. never have i been depressed like this before and i just want my cat back. i want to hold her and pet her again. i want my pain to go away and just want the happiness back in my home. there is a black cloud over it and many tears. i miss her so bad. i hope you feel better today Kathryn, i too am at work and my thoughts are with my Pretty girl and will prayer for your comfort as well as ours.

Today I am finally off from the long commute and work hours for another 48 hours ~ I had hoped to be able to spend some time facing my feelings ~ I find that I can only come "here" and read the words of others ~ my pain rises so vividly and great that I can only push in back down to wait again ~ I have been able to heal in small ways ~ I am patient and trusting and I know I will let my feelings in as I can handle them ~ but for now I wait and I am thankful that I have a community of others who through their expressions of their own experiences are healing me ~ Although today I am unable to reach within and see what is there ~ I can receive comfort in knowing that when the time comes for me to do that ~ there are people who care ~ In the meantime I will be here everyday reading wise words and learning new ways that will help me be in this foreign place of grief. One thing I notice is that I find such PEACE being in the Master Bedroom suite that we shared ~ Yes, her ashes still rest upon the bed where she lay so many years ~ the music (her music) still plays ~ the wind blows in from the mountains ~ it is so utterly safe for me there ~ yet I cannot find a way to integrate that into the rest of my life today ~ the thought occurs to me that maybe I do not have to change it ~ that with continued time and prayer I may begin to understand how ~ I am willing to give myself time ~ This is only month 2 ~ everything is still so new ~ Thanks to all who have helped me along this far ~ I know that I can move ahead ~ and as I do so please know that my footsteps do not echoe quite so loudly as they might have ~ had I not been fortunate enough to find this place along my way ~

Sincerely, Kathryn

Kathryn,

I lost 2 babies and the pain was heart wrenching. My pain comes and goes too.

My heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts. I hope you find some peace today in your journey.