My dog drowned in my pool on April 28 and I have been a mess ever since. I thought I was getting better, but not. I know grief comes in waves and there are good days and bad days, but I am really unable to do much of anything. I don't want to leave the house, I haven't paid my bills, I don't know how to deal with this.

I had her buried in my back yard then exhumed, because I could not bear the thought of her being alone. I am having her cremated on Tuesday and I will go there, as they have a witness service. I just want the strength to be able to do this. I thought by now I'd be better, as it's been 10 days or so, but I feel horrible. I finally started sleeping a couple of days ago for more than 4 or 5 hours a night. I finally started eating again. But today I don't feel like doing anything. I know I have to write her a final letter for the service Tuesday, to tell her how sorry I am that I wasn't there, but I don't know if I can pull it together.

I've received so much help from kind people and they all say the right things, but I keep on hurting. I know they say you'll keep hurting as long as you do. Only problem is I can't let everything slide. I am afraid I am going to sink into a hole and not get out of it.

I am so sorry, that is a tramatic thing to go through. Accidents happen ya know.....I learned that one the hard way with my Moose. I hope you wont be to hard on yourself. Pamela

Thank you Pamela. I feel like I can't breathe today. I have not been taking care of myself. I think I'll have a couple drinks and write the letter and then that will be done. I can always take a cab if I can't drive on Tuesday. I feel like I owe her that much to be there and say good-bye. God, this is so hard. Can I ask you how long it was before you were able to move on? Thanks. Oh, and I am so sorry for your loss. In my grief I forget my manners.

I am so sorry for your lost, I know about those waves of despair that come out of the blue, then to be unable to function, if it is any help you are experiencing the normal symptoms of grief, not that knowing it is normal ease the pain but at least it help to realise we are not losing our mind.

There is no timetable for grief and it is a long journey, I do not want to scare you but the price of love is a high price, remember that you feel this way because you have the gift of compassion, kindness, you feel and that make you a caring person.

Your dog will always be in your heart and you may be surprised to found that at times you feel a warm presence at your side, the time you share together is yours no one can ever take those memories from you and they make you a rich person.

In time the grief will become easier and your memories will be your comfort, however it takes time, i have lost a dog 6 months agao and my husband 3 weeks later, like yourself I found myself into some waves of despair and I cannot even drive myself anywhere, I get panic attacks, but I was told that it is normal and in time I will again function.
So please remember that grief is a slow journey you must try to take only baby steps at the time, you are doing the best you can, be gentle to yourself you are in deep pain.

Kind thoughts

Thank you Lilith, and I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you've gone through.

You were a good mom. I have to live knowing I could have been better, I could have done better. I didn't. For whatever reason, I didn't. It's not for lack of love, because my heart is breaking. I just didn't.

I know now, what I didn't know before. I can't turn the clock back. I can only try to forgive myself and move forward. Maybe if I send enough regrets out into the ethers, I'll find a way to deal with it. I know I'm not in my right mind right now. It was always tomorrow, yunno? Tomorrow I'll pick you up more and kiss you more. Tomorrow we'll find out what is really wrong with you. I was living in a level of denial, and maybe my little dog found a way out. The guilt is overwhelming. I have always been so careful of certain things. I knew her death was near, as she was 11 years, 4 months to the day. Her health had declined remarkably, but I chalked it up to normal aging. Maybe I didn't want to take responsibility. I let her down. I failed her.

You, OTOH, did the right thing. Once again, I can't stress enough how very sorry I am for your losses. God bless.

It has only been a week since you lost your friend and I know how great the pain is those first couple of weeks. I can promise you though, it will get better as time goes on. Everyone's time table is different though, so don't feel like something is wrong with you because you feel this way. I know it is hard, but please try to take care of yourself. That's what your baby would have wanted for you. I still have occasional crying spells and it has been almost two months since I lost my Allie. I know there will always be days when I miss her intensely. She was my first love and I will never forget her.

You have come to the right place to share your grief. I am so very sorry for your loss. Please tell us more about your sweet baby, and let her memory live in your words. I hope that her memorial service gives you some of the peace you are looking for.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
Jenny

I am so sorry to hear of your tragedy. I can relate in losing your dog suddenly. Mine was not an accident but I lost her before I knew what was wrong. I can only imagine the guilt trips you must be putting yourself through but PLEASE try not to. As Pamela said, accidents happen and we don't know why. They seem so cruel and unfair but we have to try to trust in the process of life...and I know that's hard when you're in so much pain and probably feel some anger too.
But it sounds like you gave her a GREAT life and that's what you need to try and focus on right now.
I have never heard of a witness service for cremation. I think you have a LOT of courage to say goodbye that way. I am not sure I could do it, to be honest. I had Jasmine cremated and the ashes are due back anytime now. It's been 6 weeks and I've been anxious just thinking about getting her back. I wish you strength and peace as you say goodbye.
Take care
Audrey

I am so sorry that your little girl drowned in the pool. I know that sometimes horrible accidents happen no matter how careful we are with our babies. I know that you loved your little girl but she just slipped away like all dogs sometimes do.

The first few weeks were so hard for me for both my miniature schnauzer and my son's little chihuahua but the pain did lessen after a while. I have been able to smile and laugh over some of the things my babies did. I do still have some hard days, and I do still cry sometimes but for the most part I am able to carry on with life.
Ann

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. What a traumatic way to lose a pet. I felt compelled to write because when I was in my late teens many years ago, our beloved ##er spaniel Daisy fell into our spa while we were away and drowned. We think it happened at night and her eyesight was bad. Her legs were too short to use the deep step in the spa (it was an inground spa). I remember the sad and horrible visions I had of her flailing around in the water late at night, with nobody to help her. It is painful to recall even now. Your baby probably did not suffer much and I am sure it was fairly quick. As Pamela said, accidents happen, and some of us do learn the hard way.

I lost my chocolate lab Lucy in February to cancer at the age of 5 and that is how I found this site. The grief becomes a lot less overwhelming as time moves on. You are still going through the worst of it right now. Be patient and hold strong. It will get better...

Caroline

My deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved dog. What a scary way for you to have lost a dear companion. It sounds traumatic and horrible for both your dog and yourself. Terrible things happen in this world and ultimately, we just don't know why. At least, I don't know why. My heart goes out to you. I recently lost my dear 17 year old kitty (it's been about a week now) to lymphosarcoma and it *still* feels terrible. I know about feeling like you can't go on. I let things go as well--the paying bills, the bringing in of the newspaper, the cleaning of the house, even going to work! When you're grieving, it's like moving mountains to do these things. They seem like nothing compared to the huge loss you've sustained. At least, that's how it feels to me. Like, you can't even get out of bed, much less function in everyday life. In the one week since my cat died in my arms, the only thing that feels remotely "good" is just having survived the time.

If you absolutely can't pay your bills or do chores for a while, it's okay. If you sink into a hole, that's okay, too. Because you will get out of it again. The fact that you're even here posting shows that you are reaching out of the hole.

Take it in small increments of time. So far, that's what I've been doing. You may be miserable, but at least you're here. And you're here with the hope that someday, in the distant future, it might feel okay again.

Geraldine

I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. No matter how much effort we extend to try and protect our dear babies, sometimes life deals us the card of tragic loss.

This is a wonderful site to come to for support, to pour out your heart, and to gain some semblance of reality.

Although the pain you're experiencing seems so excruciating that you fear you just won't be able to go on, in time it will lessen. We all wish we could give you a neat, orderly timeframe that would help you in the grieving process. We can't. Each person grieves differently and for different lengths of time. I caution you to not place an unrealistic timeframe on your grieving. Look at this way....however long it takes for you to not feel such stabbing pain is right for you. Be aware that others (fellow workers, well-meaning friends, relatives) may not be as patient or sensitive to your loss as you are. They don't deliberately mean to be insensitive, but because they cannot fathom your feelings, they don't understand.

What you experienced is a horrible tragedy. It breaks my heart. We get so angry and anguished that we can curse God, demanding to know why. I believe that God understands our rage. I believe He feels our pain. As to why it happened, we'll never know.

One thing I'm sure of is that you will see your beloved dog again one day. She'll be waiting for you at that special place where all of our beloved pets gather when it's our time to transition to the non-physical world. She'll be waiting and you'll be reunited with her and experience a joy beyond your ability to understand now.

Hold fast to the wonderful memories you have of your special dog. We're here to lend you a compassionate ear.

With love and deep sympathy,

--Susan
~ a voice for the voiceless ~