Since he has been banned from receiving PMs, I'm forced to publicly post what I would have much rather been a private conversation.

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Romeo's Daddy,

I just wanted to reach out to you. It's ok that you need to leave this board. I've left it a few months ago. I still check it a few times a week, but it is always a futile, unsatisfying experience. I left this board because the people here, well-intentioned as they might be, cannot help beyond a certain point. The best they can do is quote something about Rainbow Bridge. I also left because some old members required the spotlight at all times and because there were so many new members that needed attention. It simply overwhelmed me. I was washed out to sea long before I started to heal. In fact this PM to you is the first interaction I've had on this board in months.

You asked the tough questions. So did I. Luckily I was never attacked for it, but I always got the sense that it wouldn't take much with the people here. You tried to make things right again. Just remember that and don't sweat it too much. I hope this helps you, even in a small way.

Take care. Write back if you wish.
-Punky's Mommy

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Punky's,

I don't want to hijack this thread. But, this is my first post here although I've perused this board since March 4 when my best friend 13 3/4 year Pekingese, Sushie, died. I just wanted to tell you that your traumatic story that you posted a while back has helped me beyond belief. My girl Sushie also passed away in a somewhat similar traumatic way. And because of this, I've had a post traumatic stress disorder along with severe depression since then. I loved her so. I could relate with you, and therefore you helped more than you know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Punky's Mom,

Thank you for caring to write and for having the courage to speak your mind even when it is so unpopular to do so. I'm sorry to have to reply to you on the public board but I felt since you cared enough to post to me I would go back on my word so that I could reply to you. Firstly know that I am ok. It has been a long time since I've come to this board for emotional support. I still miss Romeo greatly but I've made a good friend I met on this board and thankfully she can help me when I need the emotional support. I guess my biggest issue is the quickness with which certain members here go off the deep end if you question them in any way. I don't feel I have ever criticized the length someone chooses to mourn although I have questioned certain methods I felt may be more harmful than helpful. My frustration level runs high with certain members. At times I questioned some about the benefit of being on this board 8, 10, 12 or more hours a day. The replies are usually something like "How dare you....". I feel sometimes people that are in deep sadness are unable to pull themselves out because it becomes all enveloping. I don't say this like I am some kind of shrink but rather because I know from personal experience. Anyway, I strongly believe some people just do not want to be helped if your view differs at all from theirs. I know others have left this board for the same reasons as you. I don't say this to trash this board because the board does serve a purpose, especially for new members who need so badly to be supported. I do feel they do not receive the level of support they should. I hate like hell to have to post some of the things I do because a new member may read it and think "I'm not going to get any help here", and I don't think that is the case. I am quite angry that hurtful (although they never hurt me although I believe that was their intention), nasty posts have been allowed to remain on this board while mine have been deleted. There was no reason for that homeless lady to post a response to me the way she did when I asked a valid question nor to post a sophmoric reply when I said my good byes. I don't know, I can only assume she feels guilty and probably blames herself for her dog's passing and has taken her anger out on an available target. Anyway, if this post is still here for you to read and you would like to contact me by e-mail, just post a reply and I will have someone PM you with my e-mail address. Since I've decided to post let me also thank jillybromley for her sincere well wishes. I was and am honored to have been able to help you. I would prefer to not have to post here again so in the event any of the members would like to contact me, just post asking for my e-mail address and I will have another member provide it to you. Again, thank you for your courage.

Steve

Steve,

You have helped me thru some really hard times just by talking to me late at night on msn. You know how I feel about you, and I will never forget that you reached out to me when I was hurting so bad. Even when I have not been around you have checked up on me to ask me if everything was alright, and I forever thank you for that. Thank you for being a very understanding special friend.

Kim

I haven't been on here very much in the last couple of months myself. I occassionally check in to see what's happening and how some of the "old" members are doing - if you can count Ann and Abby's Mom as old members. I worried about them because I know how hard it is to lose one of the best friends you've ever had in your life. Depression can easily take over and run your life. I've been there and done that when I lost two of my closest family members within four months. I wound up in counseling for a little while.

What I'm sorry to see happen here over the last month or so is the attack on each other. We're here to try to help each other in whatever manner we can. Each of us must grieve in our way. Our healing time varies also. Unfortunately, we're not all as patient or understanding as we should be. Some of your postings have been hurtful to others, and when I read them myself, I can understand why some of the other people here were upset and/or angry. I took offense at some of your comments, and I was reading them well after they were written and not addressed to or about me. It's good to say what you feel but we must all be careful in what we post and how we phrase it. I'm surprised that Ann is even talking to you!! I would have told you to go to hell and left the board. I completely understand why Abby's Mom is so upset too.

Both Ann and Abby's Mom have the time and feel the need to be here more than some of us. We shouldn't try to hurt them for what they post and the course their grief process is taking them through. I came here a lot during my first couple of months because I felt the need to be with people who understood what I was feeling. I may not always agree with what I see posted here, but I always respect the originator's right to have their say. You have (on several occassions) been very mean in your responses to some of the members, not just Ann and Abby's Mom. I don't know you, or even presume to, but I do know that we as humans will either try to protect the person we view as needing protection or try to hurt the person we view as the weakest. It's nature at her best. Some of us lean toward the protecting and some of us are more aggressive. I guess you fall in the aggressive category. I find that very sad because you can be very understanding at times.

Punky's Mom left a little before I did. Her last posting before doing so hit some chords with me also. I needed more than I was getting here. In my instance, it was probably because I wasn't asking for it - I tend to be a private person. I always felt welcomed here and still do. We should all feel welcome and unjudged here. We're here to help each other through one of the hardest things we've ever had to face - the loss of a beloved furry friend.

I'm glad there are people like Ann and Abby's Mom and several others who have the time to monitor this board closer than I do. I find them both to be compassionate people and helping others seems to help them too. They're pretty good ambassadors to be greeting new members who need immediate attention. I know that I work, am remodeling our house, and have other pets (including a new young dog) who need and deserve my attention. Knowing that someone is usually here to respond to a post right away from a new member in need helps me to feel that it's ok to not be here as often as I would like. I hope that came out the way I intended it.

I didn't post this to prolong the problems that have been happening but to let you see how it looks to someone who has been a member for a few months but not as active as others. Fresh eyes sometimes help. Steve, please consider my comments as constructive criticism. You have offended others, and I feel intentionally in several instances. If anyone takes offense to my comments, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not here to judge - I just take it as I read it. Grief is personal and can be overwhelming. Some of us seem to have forgotten that here.

Thank you for your time and the opportunity to express my feelings. I'm sure there will be responses to my posting - all of which I will be glad to read and none of which I will take offense to because I'm very thick skinned and tend to ignore people (ask my husband!). All of our views are worth listening to as long as we don't attack each other when we don't like what we read. Please remember that.

We all came here for peace of mind... We all left a piece of our hearts on this forum. Nobody's love of life is better than the other. So why do we have to keep going at it...... We all come from different walks of life, our experiences vary from each other.. Nobody has the right to say what is right and what is wrong here.. I came here because I lost the love of my life...

Kay Kay, I don't care about your differences with another member on this forum and you should not announce that... My purpose when I came here was my loss of a very very special cat... Lets not forget that we all came here for 1 reason.... I take offense that you would even come here and bad mouth another human being that is grieving just as much as you and I have..

We are ALL equal here and nobody should ever monopolize the forum and take away from a new member coming in.. It is just WRONG... I have seen it with many new people, and it hurts... It really does hurt.... It is so simple to take the time out, and remember how bad it hurt the day you lost your best friend.

What I am saying here is that we are all equals, and I am getting really burned out on all this bantering and bashing of another human being that has suffered just as much as you and I.
CUT IT LOOSE.. You people are only hurting the new people who need your support!!!!!

Kim

KayKay,
Thank you for an intelligent post. Pamela