I was asked here at LS I have never been called nor has anyone ever implied that I was a nutcase in my entire life nor do I consider myself to be one. I knew that it would be the last time I would ever see the body that housed my darling girl in my grief I took the pictures.

It is my belief I was not being a nutcase for taking pictures and I know a lot of other people who took pictures of their deceased babies too. Perhaps some would say I was morbid for taking pictures but to imply I am a nut case is just plain hurtful and mean.

Then that person told me:

Well I was in no way seeking pity!! It is to bad when I bare my soul and voice my feelings that I had to have such a hurtful remarks made to me. I have been helped by so many others her at LS and I have come to love so many and their babies. Most people here are so tender with their replies to everyone. I thought this was a safe place to say what we really think and feel but this hurts me so much.

Most of my posts have been made in trying to comfort others, to give them hope of the pain getting better in time. To let them know that they will make it and to let them know someone really cares. I have tried to leave no one out, that does not sound like a person wanting pity to me.

I am have always considered myself a strong person who has lived through many things in my life. Maybe I am a little to proud of that strength, but it got me through many horrors in my life as a child that was abused and thrown away. I have never sought pity for anything I have been through. Instead I have tried to count my blessings in life. But now and then we all need encouragement at some point in our life.

I no longer feel safe to post my innermost thoughts here. This is a place where we should not have to guard our thoughts for fear of hurtful things being said to us. My heart is broken and shattered enough already without more daggers piercing it by such words that heap even more pain upon my heart. I don't know if I will continue to post here or not.

This statement was also made to me in that post:

Well not to worry it did hurt me more than you will know, but my heart is not filled with hate that is not the kind of woman I am. I have sought my whole life through to be understanding, to be filled with compassion and considerate of other people's thoughs, ideas, and opinions. To be a forgiving woman who is tender and gentle with others.

There is a poem that I read when I was 17 years old. I have always tried to live my life by these words, and I want to leave it will all of you. Words spoken can never be taken back once they are said no matter how hurtful they are or even if you meant well in what you said. So we must always think carefully before we speak, we never know the pain our words might cause and the damage they might do.
Ann

The knife's sharp cut can be endured
it's ugly gash in time is cured.
But ugly words when they over flow
inflict a deep unhealing blow.
Author Unknown

WTF?

Not sure who posted that - not that it matters - but that is a cruel and vicious thing to say to anyone, much less someone who has just lost a very important aspect of their life and is trying to preserve some memory of it. It is not for any one of us to judge how another human being deals with grief. It is a long, hurtful and *EXTREMELY* individual process, as no two human beings are the same! To me, that's just like how non-pet owners view the grieving process of long-time adoptive fur-parents. It's a skewed perspective - one seen from the OUTSIDE - and it's simply not fair in any respect.

Be strong, Ann. You're a good person, and a strong one - that much is evident in your kind (and all-too-sane) posts. Be honest with your heart, and how you feel. Do not let the untutored tongue of one person dictate how you spell out your pain to others for the rest of your life.

Hello Ann,

I've read that awful reply to your post this morning and it truly hurt my heart. I completely understand your motivation for looking at those pictures (and for taking them). In an effort to heal, we must remember the hurtful moments when we realized our furbabies were gone from our lives. For you looking at the pictures of your baby after she had died brought back all the pain. Believe it or not, but that has helped your grieving process. I'm sure you felt a bit better afterwards, right? That is when you are healing. By pushing away all those hurtful memories, we are simply prolonging our grieving.

My beautiful white cat was killed in a hit and run accident four weeks ago and I'm still in a lot of pain, too. The other night I lay on my bed and, as usual, I tried not to think about the Monday when I lost him. I was hurting so badly and then thought maybe I would feel better if I did think about it. So, in my mind I went through every single thing that happened that day. It was painful, but I did it. And then I cried myself to sleep.

The following day it was as if I could function a little bit better. As if I had just a little bit more energy. So, the next time it feels as if I'm going to lose my mind, when I'm missing my cat more than words can ever say, I'm going to sit down and repeat this process. It seemed to help before and I need all the help I can get!

Ann, I also want to thank you for the way you have been supporting the people on this board. You were the first to reply to my first post and you seem to be the first one to respond to all the other posts, too. You deserve a lot more than what you got from that person who responded to your post. You are there for us, we should be there for you. I know that person hurt you, but please know the rest of us on here truly appreciate your support.

Susan

Dear Ann,

I would have to say the majority of the people (including myself) love you, care about you, and want to offer words of comfort and support to you. ALL of the people here have been helped and comforted by you. Please, Ann, don't let the careless words of one individual cause you to censor your thoughts and feelings. This IS a safe place for posting your thoughts and feelings. I'm so very sorry that the words of one have caused so much doubt.

Love,
Kathleen

Hi Anne,
I was just a surprised as you when I read the post you referred to. It was hurtful and unnecessary but realize that there are so many people out there without the ability to express love and have no patience with others that can. We live in a world that is desensitizing us with almost everything we see or hear and are creating a population with no heart. Just consider yourself lucky that you still can love and can express it so eloquently....and forget those who can't.
Barbara and Sam

Ann,
I'm so sorry you were hurt by that post. It is amazingly sad to see there are people who feel grief and pain yet have so little understanding of the pain of others.

On the day my Friskie died I brought him out into the living room and put him in his favorite spot. He was so sick that his back side wouldn't work and support his weight. I took pictures of him while I was waiting for my daughter in law to arrive with the shot that would take him away from me and ease his pain. Friskie fought so hard for life at the end. He loved us and didn't want to leave us. I needed those pictures because I knew I could never have enough. One of those pictures sits next to the box with his ashes.

My heart goes out to you. Please know that I understand.

Hugs,
Dawn

Dear Ann,

You are such a caring and giving person! I am SO sorry you have been hurt.

This forum was set up for us all to share and express our pain. It is the one place where everybody understands this terrible pain and void. When the people in our lives don't understand the extreme pain from losing a furbaby, this place is full of people that do! We are NOT here to judge anyone, only offer compassion.

PLEASE don't let the words of one person make you doubt that this is STILL the one place to come for support. Your open heart and honest stories have helped SO many other people here!

I, too, have sent you an email!

Love,
Cheri

Dear Ann,

I also have sent you an email. I was truly at a loss for words after reading that post last night.

Please know we all need you here and look forward to your continued support and your wonderful heartfelt stories.

Love,
Lynn

Ann, I only joined this board last night after searching for some comfort following the passing of my precious girl Cleo on Friday. You were the first to reply to my post and i just want to say thank you. You words meant so much to me.
Take care and do please keep posting.

I joined this post just a few minutes ago and your message was the first that I read. I can't believe that someone would be so insensitive to anyones feelings. Please don't take that persons message to heart. It is just someone who can't deal with their own feelings so they have to make someone else unhappy too. You sound like a compassionate person and someone who is a big help in others time of need. Please stay around and say what you like. Don't let that person win.

I just read the answer to my wifes post that guy wrote and called her a nut case. I didn't like what he said about the kick her in the @ss. I am very upset about it. I didn't appreciate what that person said about my wife. That is no way to talk to my wife when she is hurting so much. Or to any other woman in pain when she has lost her fur babies. You should be ashamed.
Clair

Time out................................

When I firstcame to LS site in December my really special soul mate Bubba had passed away. I posted and basically was blown off.. I was replying to my own posts. It really really hurt my feelings. I was hurting so bad because Bubba died and then when I came here for support I had very few that even bothered with me. Romeos daddy was the only one who reached out to me. Nobody else did. I don't start very many posts in here because of the way I was treated when I first came here. I make it a point to reply to most the new posters because Folks it really hurt me bad. Lets not start a bashing session... This is a grieving forum.....

Kim

Kim,

In my own defense to your reply, unfortunately you arrived here at the holidays. I was not responding to very many at that time. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. When I searched back, I see that Kathleen, Jilly and Jim responded to you on the same day you posted. Then others responded the next day, including Ann. I do see that Steve responded and started a conversation with you, but I don't think you were blown off!
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...ct=ST&f=4&t=933

In your defense of Steve, it feels to me like another attack on us.

As you stated, this is a grieving forum. Nobody should be judged or name calling anyone in here.

Cheri

Cheriann,

Where in this post did I attack anyone... I was just trying to make peace.....

Time out................................

When I firstcame to LS site in December my really special soul mate Bubba had passed away. I posted and basically was blown off.. I was replying to my own posts. It really really hurt my feelings. I was hurting so bad because Bubba died and then when I came here for support I had very few that even bothered with me. Romeos daddy was the only one who reached out to me. Nobody else did. I don't start very many posts in here because of the way I was treated when I first came here. I make it a point to reply to most the new posters because Folks it really hurt me bad. Lets not start a bashing session... This is a grieving forum.....

kim


TO CHERIANN:
Did you really feel you needed to blast me with the memories of bubba death again? That was real kind of you Cheriann... Did you prove your point by posting me the link to his first days that he died??? I have never done anything to anyone to hurt their feelings. I have never attacked anyone on this forum. Posting that link reopened my wounds to the day he died. Thanks alot

Dear Ann,

All I can say is that especially with all of the kindness and love you have shown everyone here, no one had the right to say what was said to you. Thank you for loving and supporting us all and I'm sorry for the unfortunate word choice that was used. You were clearly not seeking pity, you were just using this forum as it was intended, to seek support for pain and mourning for lost friends.

God bless you and thank you again.
With love,
Jenny

Holy smoke. Who in the name of Hades was so rude to Ann????

Ann, please know that we love you!

I love each one of you too and am so glad you have come into my life. You have been a blessing to me before I lost both my girls. All I want is for us to go on supporting each other through this terrible journey of grief.

We all have broken hearts and have come together as one to help each other through the most devastating time of our lives. I want to be there for others and to help in any way I can. This journey is painful enough in itself and our lives are forever changed.

My precious Snookie and sweet Chili Bean would want me to continue to be there for others. Sometimes my first thoughts are to run from things I find hard to deal with. But love holds me there when things are hard to face.

We are all survivors of the worst pain in our lives, the loss of our babies in our arms. We all do and say things differently but one thing is all the same, we loved our babies with our hearts and souls and we all miss our babies so much.
Love, Ann

Well done Ann,

I dont know what all that had to do with your souls journey but id say you passed with flying colours

Love Sue

Dear Ann and Cheri Ann

Please know that you are two of the dearest and most wonderful people on this site and are highly valued by us all. You both speak words of love caring and compassion and I am heart broken to think that you have both been hurt so badly by unkind words.

The first post of this person was not ignored. The date they posted was 24th December and I expect a lot of people had put their computers to bed for the Christmas period and were travelling, visiting or having visitors to stay or visit. A little understanding of that fact might have been nice.

Despite this fact several people replied on the same day including myself, and there were more posts later in the week. I can't understand why anyone should feel this way. If there had been no replies at all, then maybe yes.

It's all very very sad, but please dear Ann and Cheri Ann, stay with us and continue to give us your wisdom, and love you are much beloved.

Ann
When I carried Ellie in after she had been hit by the car I layed her out in her special bed which I lined with a soft pink towel. I had to lay her very carefully because her poor little face had been very badly damaged, but I laid her in a way that it didn't show, so that only the side of her that was okay was showing. I put flowers and her favorite mouse toy in her bed with her and then I took a picture of her.

I wanted a memory of the last time I would ever see her before I took her to the vets the next day for cremation. Some people may not understand this, but it was something I needed to do at the time, and I did it. She looks as if she is peacefully curled up asleep and I treasure that picture.

My love and support to you both
jilly

The author of the post in which Ann quotes from (and I have no idea who it is since I've been off line a few days) seriously doesn't belong posting in a place like this. Period.

Ann, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this in here or not, but.... SCREW 'EM hon! And to Clair.... WAY TO GO HUBBY!!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOO TO YOU!!!! Now that's one awesome husband!

Hugs,

Pat

Dear Ann,

People such as yourself have been a God send to me ~ Angels come in all forms ~ you and many I have encountered "here" fit that definition ~ Your words ~ be it in a personal post ~ reply to others ~ or a reply to me have only been so healing and affirming ~

For you to selflessly share and bare your soul that others might heal and hopefully you can become cleansed of pain in some way is so precious and it is also the most beautiful thing that we can do for each other ~

You are so BRAVE and Compassionate ~

I have been part of the LS Community since 3/28 when I lost my Amber ~ I plan to stay and hopefully one day I will be able to find such a graceful way to empower others with words from the soul the way I have learned that you do~

Bless your heart ~

Sincere Gratitude ~Kathryn

It sounds like LS having "trolling" issues. This happened at another site I was once on (non-pet related). The person responsible was banned, and "normal life" on the site resumed.

no, not trolling issues Steph (unless i am missing something else that is happening). this issue, if you can call it that, has been kicking up for a couple of months now, i remember answering to it behind the scenes right about when the etiquette guide came about. it is a matter of difference in opinion for the most part.

people, what we need to realize is that in times of grief things may be said that do not jive well with everyone here...either in sadness, anger, etc. i have not yet read the post where Ann was called a 'nutcase' but have experienced posts like this in the past; they result from the fact that people are unaccustomed to the way other people may show their grief for their animals. EVERYONE grieves in different ways, and yes...some of the ways may be odd to some of us or perhaps against what society calls the 'norm.'

in my mind's eye, taking pictures of my furbaby after death is something i would not do, but that doesn't lessen Ann's need or desire to do so. as the site continues to grow, it is best to understand each of us has had different levels of involvement with our animals...and those differing levels manifest themselves in a number of ways after their death. because this is an open forum, we either have to accept what those around us feel/do or simply move on to the next post and leave the judgement behind.

i can see tensions are high at the moment, and offer to those involved a break for a few days rather than a departure.

I agree about moving on...but I just want to throw this out there:
I keep seeing comments about how sometimes people feel ignored because no one or not many people respond to their posts. My thoughts are this, and I'll use myself as an example since I can only really speak for myself: if you look at the number of views of my thread My Jazzygirl, versus the number of responses, the views FAR outnumber the responses. Does this make me feel ignored? Not at all. I KNOW that not everyone can respond for whatever reason. I know for myself, sometimes I read people's posts and I don't reply....and when that happens it's because I'm feeling particularly sad at that moment and I don't feel I can offer myself at that moment in time. It doesn't mean I don't care. It just means that sometimes I just need to read other people's posts from the sideline. Then there's days when I post as much as I can because it's healing to me. Again, I can only speak for myself, but I'm going to venture to say perhaps others feel the same way. And then there's days like today when I don't really have a lot of time to post, so I'll do what I can. In fact, I was supposed to leave the house 30 min ago but I felt compelled to postpone my trip to the dog park with Bailey because of what's been going on here.

KimberlyHeide, not that you asked for it but my opinion is that CheriAnn was not throwing Bubba's pain at you. I think she just wanted to show you that people DID care back in December. I am SO sorry it brought up those painful memories. BOTH you and CheriAnn have been a wonderful source of support on here for me, and others. Please don't be upset. This whole thing upsets me...I'm practically in tears about it all. We're all here for the same reason, right? *hugs*

I love you ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Audrey makes an excellent point about views and responses. There are many times that I start to respond to posts and end up never sending it beacuse I don't feel that I've done a good enough job of creating the kind of supportive message I wanted to. It's not that I don't want to help people when they're hurting, it's more that I don't want to misstate something and end up causing even more hurt. I'm not the best with words and rather than risk offending anyone I try to only send responses when I'm sure they're good enough to send.

Also, I'd like to suggest we start a poll to see how many of us agree whether the offending messages and their associated threads should be removed from the forum so newcomers, and the old timers, don't have to see them and have them interfere with the real purpose of this forum. What do y'all think?

Tim

i can create a poll, but history shows it is good to leave all posts so people can see all sides of the site. those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it kind of thing the problem we are facing currently is not unlike that found at other forums boards. what might be better is to 'lock down' the threads involved instead and keep them for historical purposes.

Yes I agree with Locking threads. And yes, on other boards I've been on, that's what has worked the best.

Ann, I've only been on this site for a few days. I read the original post I believe yesterday, and knew it would break your heart to read it.

That is only one persons opinion. You seem to be a very caring person, and very supportive on this site. Don't let that one opinion get you down. Many others cherish your support here.

this post has been closed, let's try to move on now