Rusty was a 15 year old English ##er spaniel, who died Sunday afternoon, April 17, 2005. The hardest part is saying that she died because we took away her suffering. She had kidney disease and last October, we thought she was going to die then. But somehow that wonderful dog had a will to live and with a little help from her friends (me and the vet), she bounced back and we had 6 more months with her. Feb. 23, '05, she had a seizure at 3:00 a.m. The vets couldn't say why, though they suspected maybe something going on in her brain. Her kidney values and blood work was indicative of kidney disease, but much improved from October.
She had 2 more seizures over the next 1-l/1 months. The last one was particularly hard on her and after that, she displayed weakness in her back legs and hips. Then, Sat., 4/16, she refused to eat. I fed her AD with a syringe, just as I had in October and prayed for another miracle. You just don't give up hope, do you. It just went from bad to worse and by Sunday afternoon she couldn't get to her feet. If we helped her to stand, she would just fall over. The vet said that whatever was causing her seizures was probably attacking her spine. Our dear vet met us at the clinic Sunday afternoon (they were closed) and we made the hardest decision anyone ever has to make. Why do I feel so guilty about it? She was so obviously dying ...she ordinarily shook terribly from stress whenever we took her to the vet or groomers, but this day she wasn't even trembling. She just lay in my arms passively. She wasn't acting like our Rusty critter anymore.
She made every room in this house her own, in one way or another. I can't bear to look at the stone hearth of the fireplace, where she loved to lay on her tummy. I can't bear to look at the places where her water bowls were.. Everyday at the same times the anxiety starts again...it began back in October...I am beginning to think it will never go away. It's so weird for one's body to react like this when there's not a reason anymore. But 4 times a day, when it's time to feed her, it starts. For so long I stressed over ...will she eat this time? how can I get her to eat? When I am not at home, I am constantly thinking I have to get home ...I've been gone too long and need to see my baby.
I know I hear her panting or moving around and I ache to touch her soft red fur. She was the most loving dog I have ever seen. She loved me so much it worried me sometime. She had separation anxiety and always needed to know where I was. But I guess I am saying I am having it now, too, aren't I. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. And I cry all the time...or want to. I can't even go by the dogfood section at the grocery store w/o wanting to cry.
And I cannot imagine getting another dog. I will NEVER do that to another dog. I hate myself for having to do that to my trusting faithful Rusty. I recognize that I DID have to do it, but that just doesn't seem to help at all.
I miss her more than I can say and I love her with all my heart. And somehow, writing this didn't make me feel a bit better. just made me cry.....again.
Thanks for listening anyway.

Carrie,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You came to the right place for support. I'm sorry that writing your post didn't make you feel any better but you just need to take things one step at a time. I sense that you are feeling guilty about giving Rusty peace. You didn't do anything wrong.... You did what you needed to do to end Rusty's suffering and you did it with love. You would want the same for yourself and I know you wouldn't want your family to feel guilty. How lucky you were to have each other for so many years.

I hope you can find some comfort from coming here and reading the posts. I also hope that you'll come back and tell us more about Rusty.

Hugs,
Dawn

Hi Carrie,
I am so sorry for the loss of your Rusty. It sounds like you had a wonderful life together.
You definitely came to the right place. In the beginning, nothing seems to help...posting only makes you cry. But, KEEP COMING BACK HERE...the love and support of this place is what helps ease the pain. Then you WILL feel better as you post about your Rusty.
While I've never had to put an animal down, I did lose my dog Jasmine suddenly last month so the pain is still relatively fresh. But coming here everyday is what got me through. I hope you find comfort as well. There are MANY people on this site who have been through what you've been through.
Take care
Audrey

Hi Carrie, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Rusty. I hear the love in every word you wrote with your broken heart. I know that words can not take the pain away, and sometimes writing about them fills our hearts with even more pain. But just let those tear roll down your face, let them pave the way to healing.

The loss of your darling is so fresh for you and so I know the words the pain will lessen will be hard to hear. The thoughts of hearing one day you will learn to live without your Rusty Critter may seem harsh and cruel to you.

Some of us thought we would never make it through the devasting pain either. I know it hurts and it hurts a lot, more than you think your heart can bear. Keep coming back and let us hold your hand and walk you through this journey none of us wanted to take. With the help of others who are going through the same pain in time you will begin to feel better.
Hugs, Ann

Carrie,
I am sorry to hear about Rusty. I can relate to much of what you are going through. My Rosa (Daschund) was having seziures also. She would pass out and fall over. This went on for over 3 months. Finally on March 24 Rosa fell over and couldn't get up. She was paralized on her left side. I knew then what had to be done. I stayed up with her all night long. She didn't appear to be in unbearable distress. When the vet opened at 8am I brought her in. I told myself that I had to be strong and do what I had to do. When the girl asked "can I help you?" all I could do was cry. I was brought back to an exam room immediately and was finally able to explain what was happening. I couldn't stay in the room when she was given the injection.
As soon as I arrived home, I threw away her bowl, collar,brush, and anything that reminded me of her. I gave all the pictures of her to my ex-wife. I cried all my waking hours for the first 3 weeks. It was gut wrenching pain. It has only been in the last week that I have returned to a somewhat normal way of life. I do cry daily at one point or another, but not as bad. I have a another Daschund (Heidi). She misses her buddy. Rosa was 12 and Heidi is 10. I have since asked my wife to return the pictures and regret throwing away her belongings. I too would post on this site and just cry and not feel any better. In fact, I would feel worse, but I continued to post and read. People have been so kind and it is so appreciated. I know you probably feel like the pain will never end Carrie, and it probably won't, but it does subside alot. Just come back often and share or just read and things will improve. Don't feel guilty about crying, do it as often as necessary. Being a man, I wasn't supposed to cry, but I have cried more for Rosa than I did when my parents passed away. Take care Carrie and I will look for you again. By the way, my name is also Rusty. Bye for now. Rusty :-)))

Carrie,

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet dog Rusty. You had a long wonderful life that you shared for 15 years. The grieving process is so hard, and this is a great place to come and share your feelings. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kim

As everyone else I am truly sorry for your loss. My best friend died in March from CHD. Your story sounds so familiar. Bo fainted in November and was in and out of the hospital since then. I always worried about leaving him. He and I had been through so much together. As you did I typed my posts while trying to see through the tears.
It just doesn't seem real, and just seems to go on forever although its only been 6 weeks.
I wish I had words of advice, or comfort, but I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better right now.
God bless,
dp