This post should have read 4 months since it was the day after Christmas I lost my little girl. It is Chili Bean that has been gone 5 months going on 6. The time has dragged by without my little girl by my side and in my arms. I have had to struggle to learn to live without both my grandbaby Chili Bean and my little Snookie.

It was so heart wrenching to lose first Chili Bean to cancer, she was a real doll and I was still crying a lot from her sudden loss. Then my darling Snookie could not fight for her life any longer just 6 weeks and 3 days later it was almost more than I could bear. I did not think my heart could keep beating but it did and although still broken it continues to beat.

I have lived through devasting pain where the heartbreak felt like it would never end. I have cried a river of tears for both my sweet girls, spent sleepless nights and have tried to overcome guilt feelings. There were times when I wanted to lay down and die and go to them.

Then there was the dream I had of my Snookie showing me she wanted me to love Schnitzel and the fur grand babies my daughter gave to me. I wonder could I have came this far if not for her letting me know it was alright to love again, to hold others close to my heart again.

Snookie's love reached beyond death to help me to try to walk on without her by my side. All she ever did was love me as I loved her with every fiber of my being. I still struggle with the loss of both my darling girls and I think maybe I will for the rest of my life.

They were children to me, they taught me to love and to trust and to enjoy life. They both filled my life with so much love, laughter and joy. Here is a picture of my sweet darling Snookie when I brought her home from her last haircut. She refused to look at me and then when she did she told me off.

One hour hurt her feelings to be away from me. When she turned to look at me to tell me off I snapped this picture. What I wouldn't give to have her tell me off again, over and over again. Mama will see you in Heaven my sweet girls and as always I love you with every breath I take.
Love, Ann

Ann,

You're doing fine, hon.. you really are. Snookie wants you to love, be loved, be happy and share happiness. And, you DO do that right HERE every day.

That picture is fantastic!!! I just wanted to reach in and run both my hands across those ears! LOL!! What a gorgeous face

Hugs to you,

Pat

I could have never known or ever dreamed that something so tiny at 4 weeks old that could fit into the palm of my hand would change the rest of my life. I never knew that such joy could fill my heart and soul and bring love unending into my life. My darling's love will always surround me, nothing can ever take that away from me. That perfect thread of love will bind her to my soul forever. It cannot be broken and I will see her again.
Ann

Thank you Abby's Mommy, I guess Abby and Snookie really were spoiled. As long as Clair in bed when we got in with him she was fine. But if Snookie and I were in bed and Clair got in she let out a low growl to tell him she did not like it. Well at least she graced him by never showing her teeth at him and never once tried to bite him. I could just see tiny little Abby putting Jenn under the table. Even Chili Bean thought she could take on any size.

Pat, Thank you for your kind words and for wanting to pet Snookie's ears. When she was mad or excited her ears would go up like that and stand straight out for a little bit. Here is the picture of her I took just before she turned to tell me off since. She was just so hurt and mad that I left her alone with the groomer. It took a while before she would even look at me and I am so glad I got both pictures. Talk about getting snubbed and chewed out... and I loved it all so much.
Love, Ann

It has been a long four months without snookie cookie. Even When I think about Chili Bean who went first I still get so sad also. Even as I am posting this now I am thinking about crying. Some times when I go to call our new puppy Schnitzel to me I will call her Snookie by mistake. Snookie was such a good and sweet girl, and kindest dog I every have ever known.
Snookie's and Chili Bean's grand dad
Clair

Oh Ann and Clair, you've come so far. I give you hugs on your 5 month anniv. She was so beautiful Ann and the intense bond of love is SOOO apparent.
Let me tell you that I love when you post. You have such a way with words. I feel like you're writing about the way I feel about Jasmine and Bailey. It's such the same.
And yes, oh YES...Jasmine told me off MANY times!!! LOL

Dear Ann and Clair,

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you today.

I LOVE the picture of Snookie after her haircut! What a beautiful girl.



Kristie

Although it probably seems like years since Snookie left, it's actually been 4 months, not 5, but I know it feels longer.

My dear friend, Ann-

As so many have already said, anniversaries are so very hard. I'm coming up on Shiloh's 8 month anniversary and I still miss her more than words can describe.

I'm thinking of you, Clair, and Snookie on this anniversary.

Love,
Kathleen

PS - Ann, you're such a warm, kind, loving person. Thank you for all you do for everyone here.

Hi Ann,

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and how much you love and miss your babies. You are such a special lady...you've helped and continue to help so many of us and we are all very thankful to have you here at LS.

Anniversaries are always difficult, whether it's four months or five is not important, you miss your beloved Snookie and you've expressed your feelings after another month has passed....God bless you for being such a wonderful mom to Snookie and being the special lady you are to everyone you encounter.

Much love and thanks for all you do,
__Jim

Thanks all your words are always a comfort to me and I appreciate all your kindness. You are like a family to me and you help me so much more than you can know.

Thanks so much Audrey and Kristie. I appreciate the kind words about my writings but I just write what is in my heart and the love of my baby and the love she had for me. Well that applies to both our girls they were so sweet.

Clair and I need all the hugs we can get too. He just cried the other day over our girls. I didn't even know he came on here and posted a reply to my post until I came on and saw it.

Dear Clair, I don't want to embarrass you honey but I have told many times what a strength you have been for me. I have told how loved you are, how much you love me. I have written about your love and compassion, and yes even about the tears you have cried for our girls. I love you with all my heart and soul. Love Always and Forever Your Wife

Steve you are right it has been 4 months and not 5. I guess I was so beside myself and it does seem years to me. It is our Chili Bean who has been gone for 5 months going on 6. But even in one of your post you put the wrong day down that Romeo passed away. Stuff happens.