Hello,
I am new here. I lost my baby nine days ago today. Cheech was my precious golden Labrador,who I had for nine wonderful years. I never spent a single night away from him in all that time, untill the night before he died. He was so full of life, huge appetite as always, bouncing with joy, playing with his brother Freddy the Jack Russell. He never told us he was ill,until two days before,when he became sick. We brought him to a local vet, who said he had gastric flu, and gave him a shot, two days later when he was no better, we brought him to the animal hospital, they knew straight away what to look for, and after tests, they discovered he had diabetes and a severely damaged liver. They did all they could for him, but the vet warned us that he was very ill. The next morning,Wed.Jan 14th, they rang to say he had died at 10am. I have never experienced pain like this. I loved him so much,he was my Baby. He would have been sitting with me right now, because he never liked to leave my side. I feel as though my heart has been torn from my body. And I feel such pain, that after all the years his Mommy wasn't with him at the end. I find it a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, and get through the day. I dont see sunshine anymore just clouds. Will it ever get any better?

Dear Cheech mom:

I am very sorry for your loss. It is a very bad time for you right now, and I deeply sympathize with you. It feels so raw and painful that it seems that nobody ever experienced this anguish before, and nobody could possibly relate to your sorrow. I think most of us on this site experienced such similar feelings. It felt so empty, and so unfair, that it physically hurts you inside. And of course, all the doubts about what could have you done, and if you only would do thit and that, and if you only would be more perseptive, or find different vet... And then all the most vivid memories about what would you do this particular time of the day, and where your Cheech would sit, and all the little things and details, but only he is not there...

If that sounds familiar, you are not alone, although I know, probably, it is not much help for you right now. You'll go through the journey of your mourning, and I will not tell you that it will get better, not now. Cheech image will be with you, and for now it would be more painful. Then they say it will be more cheerful memories, but I am not there yet, and it has been two years already.

Dear Cheech's Mom,

First, my heartfelt condolences. It is a hard thing to lose your best friend ...

Try not to be so hard on yourself ... you loved Cheech and you did the best you could for him the entire time you had him. Just the fact that you were never parted is testimony for that. Animals instinctually hide when they are ill ... so try not to blame yourself for not having discovered the problem earlier. I know this is all easier said than done. I had to let my baby Snoops go in September and I well remember the guilty feelings and all the I could haves/should haves etc.

A friend of mine shared with me a little trick to help get through the rough moments when the tears come and you think they will never stop. Picture in your mind a time when Cheech did something that made you laugh. For me it was when Snoops got ahold of an ice cream cone that a little kid had dropped on the ground. The little guy grabbed that cone (and picture it ... he had the cone sticking out of his mouth with the pointy side facing out). Snoops would not let go of that cone for anything ... that memory always made me laugh and so when the pain became too much or the tears won't stop ... I would picture that in my mind and eventually I learned to smile. You might want to try doing something like that ... it is really hard to do at first but it got easier.

The loss does get easier to deal with over time ... how much time depends on each person's individual cir%%stances but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know now it is hard to believe and accept as everything pretty much brings back the pain but someday you will think of him with having your heart break. I haven't reached that place either but someday I will and you will too.

For now remember that you love Cheech and he loved you. He knew you loved him even if you were not able to be with during the last moments. Remember that always ... your relationship with him is reflected in the 9 years you spent together ... not the last 24 hours. The guilt is normal but try and force yourself to get past the guilt. You made sure Cheech was in good hands and was taken care of ... right to the very end. He knows that ...

I hope that each tomorrow brings a little less pain and a little more joy in the life you both had together. I wish I had the words to take the pain away and leave you with just the joy. I don't .. noone here does but know that you are not alone and you are around people who understand. Let yourself cry if you have to ... but also let yourself smile. Hug Freddy when it gets too bad ... he is grieving too ... maybe you both can grieve together.

hugs,
Beth

Animals are much more perceptive than we think they are. And so sometimes things that seem accidental are not.

I lost my parrot Stanley Sue last Friday, and she, like your beloved Cheech, died at the vet's while I was not there. This made her death especially bitter, until I remembered hearing that sometimes animals know that their owners would not be able to take seeing them die. And so they allow themselves to pass on when their owners are not around.

In Stanley Sue's last few days, I saw clear signs that she was trying to comfort me as much as I was trying to comfort her in her illness. And it may just be that Cheech wanted to give you a final gift of relieving you of the responsibility of seeing your best friend pass away. Please believe this if it gives you comfort. I believe it with Stanley Sue, and I am grateful for her compassion.

Take care.

Bob

Dear Cheech's Mom,

I'm very sorry for your loss, I know what you are going through. It's been 2 weeks since I lost my dog, Megan. People on this site told me that it will get better with time and they were right. I'm finding it easier each day and can now look at pictures of her without crying. I was wandering if you could tell me how Freddy is doing? My other dog, Molly, is just lost and I don't know how to make it better for her. I'm trying to spend lots of time with her but both my husband and I work full time. I'm also not ready for another dog.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss
Tracey

Dear Cheech's Mom,

Yes, the loss does get more bearable with time...

But somedays, I don't know why, it all comes back. Today is a day like that for me. We were hanging out, its a normal saturday. We were cleaning and the song Mr. Bojangles came on...
"He spoke with tears of fifteen years
How his dog and he
They would travel about.
But his dog up and died
He up and died
And after twenty years he still grieved"

And I started to cry and I just can't stop. I just can't stop today. It hasn't been 20 years for me... 8 months/7months/1 month (we lost all three last year)... but it hurts it feels like my heart is being squeezed out of me and I can't breathe... and I can't stop crying...

But not every day is like this anymore...

I am very sorry for your loss of Cheech. Unfortunately, everyone out here knows your pain, and feels it with you.

Love,
Jennifer

Hello,
Firstly I would like to thank you all for your kind words. It does make it easier when I can communicate with people who have gone through the same Hell as myself. My other dog Freddy is coping well, I know he misses Cheech, when he goes into the garden he sniffs all around where Cheech used to be, but we are making Freddy the center of our world now, if he sneezes, we jump. I have cried every day since Cheech left, but yesterday I didn't at least not through the day, but when I got into bed and said goodnight to him, as I always did, I just broke down again. The lonliness is terrible, and this gaping hole where I once had a heart. I have to believe that it will get better with time. God bless you all here, and thank you for your kindness.

Our Sheila died last night. I've been sitting around in shock since getting back from the emergency vet, trying to console my kids, the cat, and my husband, who wasn't there when she was euthanized and I'm just numb.

I came across this forum, and I can't begin to tell you how much it has helped already. Beth told Cheech's Mom to remember the last 9 years, not the last 24 hours of Cheech's life. Now I know how to help my husband who was working and couldn't get away. He, and the rest of us, have to remember the last 14 years and forget the details of today as soon as possible.

Sheila was a golden and black lab mix, 14 almost 15, and was diagnosed with cancer last year. Two days ago she was bouncing around like a puppy. Yesterday she couldn't stop "reverse sneezing" and kept vomiting, my biggest worry was dehydration. Today, she seemed a little better, then had a bad hour, then got better again, and took a turn for the worse when I took one of my kid's friends home - it was a two hour trip. By the time I returned, my 18 year old was frantic, and Sheila was in congestive heart failure. She was dying when we got to the vet, and even though she was euthanized, they said she wouldn't have lasted another 10 minutes. At least she wasn't afraid at the end. But she fought it until the meds kicked in. I think she was already gone before the meds, but just wouldn't stop fighting for life.

I've had pets euthanized before, one at 23, and the other a 3 month old pup who had all her shots but still contracted corona virus or parvo. We'd planned to make Sheila's passing easy, and said we'd do it right away when she started being in pain, but it happened so fast. We thought she'd bounce back - she had before, the same thing with the sneezing and vomiting happened twice in the last year, and she always bounced back and had several happy and pain-free months. Not this time, though, and we are all just devastated.

I am just so thankful for this forum. So many family members have told us she was "just a dog" and they don't understand that she was our child, our best friend - my youngest daughter is only one month older than Sheila, and Sheila was as much a member of the family as anyone else. It does get better over time, though it never gets perfect again. My husband and I will never really get over losing Sheila, we'd had her since she was 3 weeks old.

Now I've cried on my keyboard and my keys are messing up, but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this forum, where everyone realizes that there is no such thing as "just a dog."

Tommi

Dear Cheech's mom,

I am so sorry for your loss.
I have recently lost my cat León in a car accident - and, although a different situation - I too was not there when it happened. I came a day too late ...
This seems awfully long to not be worrying, or to be looking for him. But he was a free spirit and I was used to him being out and about for several days at a time. So I didn't immediately react.
Still, naive and illogical as that might be, I reproach myself for not being there for him when his little heart stopped beating by the roadside that one cold night. I keep thinking I should've felt something was wrong .. but I didn't.
As with your Cheech, no notice was given me - one day he was lively and well, the next day dead. I stil haven't come to terms with that.
I have lost one of my kids this way, and the other after prolonged illness. And I couldn't tell you what is worse.

Kind people on this Forum have told me the grief will subside eventually, and only the happy memories remain. But I too haven't reached that stage yet, like Annette. The loneliness is overpowering, and although I do not cry every day as I used to in the beginning, there are moments when, like you, I just break down and it floods all back. My other furkids then look at me with big eyes wondering what is happening.

I don't know what advice to give you other than take your time to grieve. Don't reproach yourself for having your weak moments. Cry as much and as often as you feel you must. But don't spend excessive time on your own. It will only make your anguish worse to dwell on your loss every waking minute .. I know because I've done it. And I lost over 5kgs in weight the week after León's death. I sat in the pit of grief I had dug for myself and had little other thought.
Then I came here, talked to people, and it slowly got a little better. And I sincerely hope it will help you too.

Love,
Diana

Hi Tommi it is sad that the only thing the people we love and turn to for support have nothing more to give us than ‘its just a dog’ even if they don’t understand why we are grieving so much it would be nice if they would just give us a cuddle acknowledging that non the less we are in pain – they don’t even have to say anything a cuddle goes a million miles.

Maybe we should explain this to them so if another friend/relative losses a fur baby they’ll have a bit more compassion.

Still *I* am sorry about Sheila and wish you and your family well, unfortunately it will be some time till you can forget last night but maybe its just as well, we need to cry – a lot – to let out all the pain, then we can start forgetting the bits we don’t want to remember.

Take care
Love Sue

Tommi,

I am so very sorry for your loss. My Snoops who I had to put to sleep in September was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the beginning of last year. He was fine (just having seizures every once in a while which we controlled with medication) until the last two weeks. I know how hard it is to deal with a sick animal and all the preparations you make in your mind on what you are going to do and feel. Nothing however prepares you for the actual day ... Nothing at all.

You had the best of intentions for Sheila. You made the decisions you made out of love and caring for her. Those last images do tend to linger. The guilt is normal ...

I hope for you and your family that brighter days come sooner rather than later ... and that you are each able to soon smile when you think of Sheila. I have reached a point with my Snoops where his memories don't cause me to cry all the time ... I still cry for him and miss him terribly but I am able to smile now at who he was/is and I look forward to the day when are reunited as you will be with your Sheila.

hugs to you and your family,
Beth

Dear Tommi and Family,

I am so sorry for your loss of Sheila.

As said before, the guilt is normal. No matter how they pass on, we all feel guilty. Electra was sick and in renal failure. It was near Xmas, and I wanted her to make it through the holiday. She was not eating food (she would have some cat milk), we couldn't give her fluids bc she was soooooo thin the needle wouldn't go in. On Dec 23, I called tim at work and said we need to do the awful thing... he came home from work and we went to the vet and he gave her the shot and put her out of her misery... the vet kept saying "I can't believe this cat is even alive..." She was only 3 lbs at that point (her top weight was 10).

Tim says we waited too long, that those last few days were cruel and selfish of us... I dunno. We did the best we could. And you did the same with Sheila. Really, I've come to believe that when we have to make that decision -- we do it right. As soon as you knew in your heart that she was not going to recover, you released her from her pain. It would've been wrong to do it before that....

I am sorry that there are people in your life who do not understand your loss. Do your best to ignore them. I hope you and your family are doing ok.

Love,
Jennifer