Last week i was faced with the hardest decison. I had taken Sandy repeatedly to the vet, set in my mind that this was it, but i kept fighting. Sandy had a chronic illness, and at 1 year of age, she was suppossed to be put to sleep. I refused to give up and came home and did my research. I went back to the vet and had him order treatment from Purdue University. It was a last hope. The medicine was so strong, it could have killed her and i sat up all nite with her after each treatment. The next six years we battled it back and forth, every time she became worse, i was sure it was the end. Maybe i kept her around for my own selfish reasons. I layed with her on the bed on Tuesday nite, asking God to give me a sign, because she was getting really bad. She had developed sores from the illness, and when she rolled over she left huge spots of blood. I knew this was the sign. I scratched her belly in places she wasn't hurting, i got up and cooked her a wonderul meal, and spent the rest of the nite doing her favorite things... On Wednesay, i said goodbye. Still battling with myself whether she still had some life in her, and if i was making the right decision. I have always had rescue animals, a sharpei that was blind, that lived with us for 10 years, and a cat that was abused and crossed eyed, and a broken tail I was the one keeping animals alive, how could i now be taking one's life away. It just about killed me to make the decision, and i havent stopped crying since. I feel just terrible, and am trying any way just to make it threw this. I miss her so much... and i feel so guilty, did i do too much, did i not do enough.. I hope someone out there can share with me something to help me through this.

Dawn, I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to go through this heartache. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You added 6 years to Sandy's life after she became sick and you took care of her every single day. Others might have made the decision to have her put to sleep when she first got sick, but not you. You hung in there and helped her fight and I'm sure she will always be grateful for the love you have shown her. I'm sure you did everything you could to make her happy and comfortable. I think you did the right thing in letting her go. You said she was getting worse and then God gave you His sign. So, please don't feel guilty. You did everything you could for her. And where she is now, she's no longer sick/suffering.

Sending a big hug your way!
Susan

Dear Dawn,

First, let me say what a special person you are! You do everything you can to HELP furbabies! You would NEVER do anything to hurt one. So please don't be so hard on yourself now.

As Susan pointed out, you didn't give up on Sandy from the very beginning! My gosh, you did research, got your vet to comply with your decision, then gave your precious Sandy SIX more years

I understand the deep bond you established with her. Taking care of her and worrying about her for many years. You showed her nothing but love. In the end, however, you gave her the very most loving gift of all, you ended her suffering. It is said here many times, and it made me feel better when I had to end my Rachael's suffering: You took on her pain and suffering so she didn't have to any more. She is pain-free and happy.

You now have the journey of grieving to go through. Guilt will only make your journey harder. Guilt and questions are part of the process, though. I hope you can find peace with your decision, because you did what needed to be done.

Take care of yourself now! You do wonderful work for furbabies and devoted 7 years to Sandy's happiness. Allow yourself to feel the loss of your special Sandy. Let the tears flow because they will be healing tears for you. Talk about your Sandy. We all understand and feel your pain. We'd love to hear more about your angel Sandy!

Hugs,
Cheri

Dawn,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You did everything you possibly could for Sandy and you had 6 years with her. It's one of the hardest decisions we can make and you made it with love. Sandy is out of pain and she happy now. Try to remember the good times with her and don't dwell on the end.

I wish I could do more to help you with your pain. Please know that all of us here understand what you are going through and care.

Hugs,
Dawn
(FurBabyMom)

Dear Dawn,

You are not alone in your feelings ~ it has been 4 weeks since I had my "last full day" with Amber ~ and I knew she was giving me signs ~ during her last 2 days ~ I will not describe the whole thing here but it was on a very personal and intuitive level that we communicated ~ and it culminated at the Vet where he confirmed he blood work was irreversable this time ~ He is the most compassionate man I know in the Vet business so far and to have him looking at me with tears visible in his eyes told me he loved her too and was only trying to help me make the decsion in the gentlest way he could ~ as with you ~ I knew in my heart this was to be ~ that morning I sat and wept at home ~ wishing I could go back in time and have Amber and her brother Jade back again healthy and us just doing out cat things ~ in my old comfy appartment ~ I sat here crying aloud ~ "I just want to go Home and everybody be happy again" ~ this is because I , like yourself did everything I could to make Ambers last years ones of complete pampering and joy ~ deserving of a nearly 20 year old kitty ~ But yet, I am distraught with grief that clouds the facts ~ and causes doubt and guilt ~ this is brought on because I cannot think clearly about those last days ~ years ~ and really also brought on by a childlike innocence that she was really never going to leave me ~ I may have a day when I am ok but still every night I feel that stabbing pain in my heart and stare into the candle and become filled with self doubt and regret ~ thinking that I should have done more ~ known more~ been more ~ Yet, if I search our hearts in the still quiet moments after we have wept ~ I will find the love waiting to soothe the sorrows of the wounded soul ~ it does not take away the grief ~ but somehow makes me feel a little closer to her tiny shining anmimal essence ~ and I know that she is with me still ~ These days those feelings do not last ~ I roller coaster still with the grief and emptiness ~ however in time and with the help of others ~ including the ever growing repository of love we are building in our hearts ~ through "it all" ~ I truly hope for us all to one day find that the wounds of the soul have healed ~ and though we will be forever changed ~ somehow stronger and closer to those we lost ~ and as a result more loving and compassionate in the world ~

This is my wish for us all today ~ I really need that hope ~ Sincere Condolences for your Loss, Kathryn

Hi Dawn, I agree with everyone here that you did a wonderful taking care of Sandy and your other babies. Some of those furbabies might not have had a home without you and your healing touch. I know how hard it is to make the decision to have our babies put to sleep. It is not something we take lightly or make on the spur of the moment, it is done out of love and with love.

I think it is wonderful that Sandy lived all those years because you fought for her and all the treatments you had for her. You asked God for a sign and He gave you one so you would know in your heart that you were doing the right thing.

Still that does not stop the pain and the tears from your loss. Only time will lessen the pain and your precious Sandy is no longer in pain. She knows that you loved her with all your heart and did all you could for her.

She saw your tenderness and love everyday of her life with you. Even on your last night with her you cooked her a meal and did her favorite things with her. Sandy knew it was out of love that you set her free from the pain and suffering. She will always love you.
Ann

dearest dawn,
your love for sandy is so intensely visible, and i'm so very sorry for her death. i know the deep pain that you speak of- almost 8 weeks ago, i helped my beloved cat jupiter die, and have experienced guilt and questions too.
all that people have said is true- that you took on her pain and suffering so that she didn't have to feel those anymore.
when you're ready, you can put that suffering down too.
you are one of the "animal angels" who followed divine guidance....
please be VERY kind and gentle with yourSELF. sandy wants this gentleness for you too.
i'm sending you love and healing.

Dear Dawn,

My sincere sympathy to you on the loss of your precious Sandy. As everyone has said, you have nothing to regret or feel guilty about. Sandy was lucky (as were all of your pets) to have found you and you gave her such a good life. It's so hard to deal with this loss but you'll do it and everyone here will help you through.

Thinking of you.

Hugs,
Lynn

Dawn,
You are absolutely amazing. You never gave up on her when others wanted and as a result you gave her a great life full of love and caring. Isn't that what we all strive for? And then, when the sign came, you did the right thing. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, as all you feel is the void now. But in the end, you really did save her...in every capacity.
Please continue to share with us and we will be there for you as we are there for each other.
Take care
Audrey

I just got home from work and was hoping to find some words of wisdom in reply to my posting last nite. What a beautiful surprise to find all these wonderful answers to my cries for help. I cannot put in words thanks enough to all who sent me messages regarding the loss of my beloved pet Sandy. Some of the grief instantly washed away after reading the words of inspiration and support for my loss. I feel much more at ease knowing that there are so many out there feeling what i feel, and it gives me hope and strength that i will make it through this really tough time. In turn i hope i can help someone else to ease the pain a little. My deepest gratitude for all the caring and concern i have found here. I am so glad to have found you all, and please continue to write me. I have posted a picture of my baby in her good years. The way i am sure she is now once again, full of life and healthy and playing with all of our lost friends.
Thank you !!!!!