To All ,

This is week three without my sweetie Amber tabby ~ with all the comfort and prayers - thoughts and support ~ I have been finding some light in my dark spaces ~ However, yesterday was once again so filled with rain in my heart ~ I was sobbing on the pillow where she used to sleep ~ the wind waifting in the window was filled with Spring yet I wept because Amber would not know another Summer laying in the sunshine ~ yawning lazily at me ~ making my world somehow manageable in her simple sweet ways and yes KNOWING gazes and comments ~ I cannot believe she is gone ~ after 20 years ~ my little heart beat of my life ~ no longer is hovering around my life ~ editing my childlike antics with her dignified Per-Ows and Mord Bu's and Rad Ru's (there we these and many other "words" she knew ~ and repeated to me often)

The worst thing is that I feel as if I have failed her in some way ~ I know that her soul had become tired and in the end was fading away from me in front of my eyes ~ yet I did not want it to be so ~ I wanted to make her better ~ young again and free ~

Today I am back at work ~ I feel so devoid ~ yet I know things will be better ~ I am trying so hard to be strong ~ and trust that all is unfolding as it should be ~ I am moving forward in goodness and a state of loving ~ trying to emanate all the positive and compassionate energy toward life that I can ~ but it is just so sad and I just miss her little furry entity so much ~

My heart is aching ~ I am doing the deep breathing of healing light ~ prayer that I will come to understand these events as some meaningful part of the greater good in the universe ~ trying to find the love and get it moving within my soul to continue on my path ~ to be thankful for my own creation ~ and to honor my spirit by going forward with hopeful expectation ~ but today it is just so hard ~

I appreciate everyone that has posted here and continues to enhance my ability to heal and actually have enabled me to reach out and comfort others ~ everything we are doing together here is making the world a better place ~

Many Thanks ~ and Hugs ~ Kathryn

Dear Kathryn,

Three weeks is not much time at all -I can certainly understand why you're feeling this way. Amber was so beautiful and sweet and loving, and such a good friend. But please do not feel as though you failed her. It is a common feeling that we all experience, but it is important not to let ourselves feel this way, because it simply isn't right. You gave Amber a beautiful life filled with love and happiness. She will be forever grateful to you for that. Even though you didn't have the power to make her young and free again, God does, and He will take care of her now.

I know your heart is aching, and mine aches for you. Please continue to let your heart pour out to us and we will listen.

With love,
Jenny

Dear Kathryn,

I can feel your pain and sorrow as I read your post. I am so sorry!
You will continue to have these bad days when you least expect them. I know it sounds repeated, but you are still early in your grieving. When you have a day that you feel "better", you grasp onto that feeling and hope that you will continue to feel "happier". Then, suddenly you are hit with the pain and loss again. There is no magic cure for this, but please know that what you are feeling is normal and we have ALL experienced it.

I can only offer my prayers and support for you. I pray you find peace with your loss. Amber was a part of you, and you both were so blessed to have had each other. I encourage you to continue spreading her memory and come here and write about her as often as you need to.

Hugs,
Cheri

Dear Kathryn, I am sorry it so hard for you, it has been a short time. We all thought we would never live through the loss of our babies in the beginning. You may be just starting to realize your baby is not coming home. I know there will be many days that will feel like the pain will rip your heart out.

I'm sure little Amber was just like a daughter to you. I hate all the pain we feel when our babies are ripped from our arms. Most everyone says we must take comfort that they are no longer in pain. Yes, we know they are well and whole and can run and play again but that does not stop the pain in our hearts.

It does not stop the longing we have to be with them, to hold them, kiss them and spoil them. Shoot I meant to try to lessen your pain and give you comfort. But I fear I may have added to it by stating how it really is. But shoot it is just so hard when they are gone from your arms and the pain just goes on and on. Then it gets a little better and then the next wave of pain strikes. It will get better than it is for you right now. Time does not heal all wounds like they say but time does lessen the pain. My thoughts are with you.
Love, Ann

Dear Kathryn,

I am so sorry you're not doing well. This is absolutely the worst pain, losing a furry pal. It's been over 4 months since my Rusty left and I know I'll never be the same. I look out in the yard where he's buried and it's still unbelievable to me that he's not in the house. It's a very hard adjustment.

Twenty years for you to have Amber in your life.............That's so long. You will find peace one day. Thank goodness we all have each other here. It really does help so much to be with people who truly understand and don't expect us to return to "normal" in a week or two.

Hang in there,

Hugs,
Lynn