Well, Oct 15 was the day my Moose left this earth. My life since has been turned upside down and shaken. A close friend of mine described it like this....."When Moose died it is like you grabbed Gato Manx and someone took your life like one of those etch-a-sketch and gave it a good shake" Ya know that is so true, my life is still shaking...
You see after Moose, and getting fired from my job I just lost it, I lost my self, I lost my partner, my son had just moved back to eastern WA that just made me feel more alone.
When I was able to start functioning again I had been served an eviction notice, which was fine because I didn't want to stay there. Mooses' bill was 1200.00 and they had started calling for money. So I filed a bankrupsty and left for Yakima which did not work out with my girlfriend of over 20 yrs. So I came back, I have been back about a month staying with a friend in a cabin at birch bay. I dont know what is going on but I cannot seem to make any jobs work for me here. I know it is in my attitude.....
So, I have lost something in myself and I haven't figured out how to deal with all of it and get back the enthusiam I once had for working and maintaining a home. I did most of it for Moose because I had to make sure he had a nice home. He was my child that I provided for. He filled my empty nest, and gave me a reason.
So....I talked to my girlfriend in Yakima, we had a long talk and things are fine between us, she did'nt realize how totally devastated I was...she does now!!! I am going to go back to Yakima...for 2 months...why 2 months??? Because my son and his family is moving back up here!!!!! It is a much warmer spring over on the other side of the cascade range so I am going to go back over for a short time, until they come back up here. Then my family will be around me...it gives me a great sence of security.
I know I am experiencing depression...cant make decisions...I just have been so lost. My home is still packed up in a storage unit..I'm a nester so that in itself bugs me...not being around my things. My fish Bubba is at a friends with all of my plants.
Anyway, someday my life will settle again and I will feel like myself instead of someone staying from friend to friend couch to couch...I have never done this before....
The loss of my boy has had far reaching affects on my life, and I know that I will not always be in this valley.
And poor Gato Manx, I am so proud of him, he is such a good boy, I took him to Mooses beach on a leash,,,,he didn't know what to think of tht big ocean...but he was secure with me and walked on a leash like a dog...boy do I get some looks but Gato looks like a rabbit from a distance so I bet that really blew some people away...they even stopped and took pics of us. He walks great on a leash but my Summer kitty was the one.my leash girl.....prancing beside me....one eye and no teeth...she just lived to love me. Pamela

Dear Pamela,

Life really throws us some curve balls doesn't it? But the most important thing is our attitude in dealing with it and it sounds like you really recognize that. I am so glad you are moving back to be near your family. I pray that they will give you the love, guidance and comfort that you are seeking. God bless you and the memory of your sweet Moose. I pray that the special love you two shared (and still share) will encourage you as you get back on your feet. We are here for you.

(((Hugs)))
Jenny

Dear Pamela, I hope that you will find some peace moving back with your friend for 2 months now that she knows the pain you are in. It will be wonderful for you when your family moves back home to where you like it best. Maybe with your son and grandson you will not feel as despressed as you do right now. It must be so horrible being alone and trying to deal with the loss of your precious Moose.

I don't know how I could have handled losing Snookie and Chili Bean without my husband and children. They have been a real comfort to me. Of all my grand children only Sara talks about them now. 3 of my grandchildren are older than Sara and 2 are younger by 1 and 2 years. Sara is 8 but she loved them the most, just yesterday she was telling me how much she misses them. She was so thrilled with Summer but she did not work out. She bit my leg and broke the skin and attacked Schnitzel and she had to have stitches. I couldn't deal with that.

Have a safe trip and I hope you will be able to use someone's computer to let us know how things are going. As always I wish you the very best. I bet Gato Manx was so cute on a leash. I love it when I see a furkitty on a leash.
Love, Ann

Dear Pamela,

So happy for you that you've worked things out with your friend and that you're going to spend time with her until your son and his family move back. Like Ann mentioned, I also hope that you'll have access to a computer so you can let us all know how you're doing. (I'd love to see your Gato Manx on a leash looking like a bunny )

Take care.

Love,
Lynn

Dear Pamela,

Oh how my heart breaks as I read about what you have been through. I KNOW how empty you feel without your precious Moose. I just LOVE all his pictures and I can see how very special he was to you. But my goodness, you have endured even more pain and loss!

You have traveled a long hard road, but your strength, faith and Moose's memory have kept you going. You have endured more in these months than most people have to endure in their lifetime.

I am so happy that you and your friend have worked through things. A twenty year friendship is wonderful!!! I am jealous! I honestly pray for peace and contenment for you, Pamela. I hope you will still come by and "see" us here.

If there is EVER anything that I could do for you, PLEASE don't ever hesitate to email me!!!

Love,
Cheri

Oh yes, my computer is going with me!!!! I'd be so lost without it...I'm spoiled with it. I have Moose's pic's on a slide show...and sometimes I will turn them on at night...as I sleep on this most uncomfortable thing that is called a couch..
Oh when I get my things around me again I will be one happy woman!!
Ann,,,ouch...guess she was to damaged to be helped, to bad for her.. Pamela

Thanks Pamela, When will you be leaving on your trip? Do be careful and I'm glad you will be taking your computer with you. Have a good time and enjoy your precious little grandson. Did you see my coming grand child will be named Dakota James if it is a boy and Bethany Ann if it is a girl? I thought those were real pretty names.
Love, Ann

Dear Pam,

I have so appreciated everything that you have shared here at LS ~ after losing my Ambie I thought I was going to go crazy ~ you helped me so much as did so many others ~ the one thing I wanted to say is that I immediately fell in love with that dear Moose ~ the one where he was "swimming" standing up ~ and its something about the soul of the fella that sends a ray of gold into the place in my heart that is so lost and shadowy at this time ~ I am still living on my couch ~ the Master Suite is too difficult to spend more than several minutes at a time in ~ I am at best wandering through my days trying to find my path again ~ trying to find ME again ~

Let me say that the hard times you described could have been me many years ago ~ I have had many "lifetimes" and know well the life of other peoples spare rooms and/or couches and having things in storage and losing my job(s) and love(s) and animals etc ~ it is was a bleak period of many years at a time ~ life is surely filled with uncertainty ~

I am so happy for you that you are able to reach out and find comfort in family, long term friends and of course everyone here ~ you will survive this ~ It seems like Moose was sent to your life to give you even more love and strength within your heart so that you can help people like me and others with your words and suggestions and offering your experience and yes, HOPE ~ So I wish you well and look forward to more posts here at LS ~ everyone has been such a comfort to me ~ I too have become aware that I am not the same as before Ambie left me ~ it is almost as if she was the trainer and now I have to do it alone without her prodding and ever present over view of my stumblings through this life ~

Thanks again ~ Kathryn

Ann, I love the names, both of them but I like the way Betheny Ann sounds,,,how sweet that your daughter would want to honor her mother by using her name. What joy babies bring to a home. I need a granddaughter now to be able to pass some family things down to...(I am the keeper in the family) I spend alot of time with my great nephew..Noah Jacob here's a pic of my baby Noah Jacob Nelsen
Kathryn, thank you for your encouragement. The couch is a familiar thing for me. I had the computer on the coffee table so LS would be in my reach anytime of the night I need a life line..... .after Moose I never slept in that bedroom again...I couldn't that was where Moose waited for me all day while I worked and he was my cuddle bug.
Last night I had a pretty good cry, I just felt something like a wave coming over me and my cry was deep, and I expressed my anguish to my friend Don about not being there for my boy as he left this world. That will always be like a knife in my heart . I was blabbering uncontrollable for awhile..and it just hit me out of the blue sky, it was exhausting, but it is like a steam engine that builds up and has to release.
But it is all done now it is all over, there is no going back only going forward...I feel like I am being tested by fire, I have had longsuffering...but you know what I still feel so lucky, I still feel so blessed and even though I have a huge inconvenience right now I am optimistic about my future. Love to you all Pamela