This evening it will be 5 months since Chili Bean's nose was twisted and contorted and her nose holes were closing up. I thought it was an infection or a reaction to her medication. But I knew she needed to see the vet so I took her 80 miles to see the vet. My Snookie went with me as she always did.

When we got there he told me that Chili Bean was going to suffocate, was suffocating to death even as I stood holding her. He did xrays and the news was shocking, devastating, and earth shaking. He told me she had that cancer of the upper palette and that it had struck a couple of nerves in her face. We never even knew she had cancer.

He said he could do an emergency operation but given her age, her enlarged heart and asthma her chances of making it were slim to none. That he would be honest it would be a waste of money because there was little hope. He said there was no other choice than to put her to sleep. Unless I wanted him to do the operation which would be thousands of dollars. He felt to put her through it would be cruel, because he was sure she would not make it. So I told him to set my little girl free I did not want her to suffer. She had suffered to much already.

I made frantic phone calls so my family could say goodbye to her on the phone. I felt my legs grow weak, my body shake, I wanted to run but there was no where to run. My little girl needed me and love held me there.

As the vet came toward Chili Bean with the shots he told her he had done all he could for her and he was so sorry. He kissed her little head, told her she was so sweet, and told her goodbye. He even told her he loved her!

So while I held her in my arms like I had millions of time before, I held that tiny little girl in my arms until she fell into a Heavenly sleep. I felt my world fall out from under me and felt my heart break as she slipped away.

I blubbered and bawled, sobbed and cried right there. I had no control, tears dropped onto the vet's hands. He did not pull his hands away, I looked up at him and he had tears in his eyes. I cried like I had never cried before until I lost Snookie 6 weeks and 3 days later. I just miss both Snookie and Chili Bean with all my heart. I would have given my life for either one of them, they were the most loved girls in the world. I will continue to love them here on earth until I am with them again.
Love, Ann

Here is a picture of Clair and my brother with Chili Bean.

Dear Ann ~ You are such a precious human being to have given a loving and wonderful life to your dear ones ~ I share so many of the feelings you have posted here ~ it seems so unfair that the ones we love the most are the ones we lose too soon ~ they are in our hearts ~ our compassion and our love is what has set them free from pain ~ Love is more powerful than anything else in this world ~ it allows us to hold our babies in our hearts ~ and in our souls ~ God Bless You ~ In sharing your feelings it has helped me to heal a little bit more and given me hope that somehow the love we shared with our dear ones makes a difference in the world ~ Take care ~ and Peace Be With You ~A Fellow Traveller Along the Way ~ Kathryn

Ann, I just love that pic. The smile on Chili's face. Happy Happy Happy.....the essence of LOVE Pamela

What a great pic. She looks so happy. I'm so sorry you had to make that decision, and so fast. But you know that you spared her of pain and suffering, and what greater gift could you give her but freedom?
I hope you're doing okay and I'm thinking of you.
Audrey

Dear Ann,
It's so obvious that you were such a loving mom to Chilli Bean and to Snookie. I'm sure she knew that beyond a doubt. I can relate so much to how you felt that day in the vet's office. It's such a devastating blow to have to say goodbye to such a wonderful baby.

I want to tell you something. When I was a little girl, my grandparents' neighbors had a Pomeranian named Snookie. He was the first dog that I knew and I loved him. I can still remember going over to their house and petting Snookie. My parents have pictures of me with him. Whenever I see a Pomeranian, it brings back those fond memories of the cute, sweet Snookie. I wasn't even in school back then. In fact, in the pictures I looked to be around 2 or 3 years old. Snookie was one of my very earliest memories. I just wanted to share this story because I don't often hear that name.

Take care of yourself. I can't imagine losing two dogs in such a short time. The grieving must be double of what it is when you lose one.
Thinking of you,
Carol

Ann,
Thank you for sharing Chili beans passing. Hopefully time will dull this pain eventually. It just isn't fair, we care so much about our pets and want to them to live as long as we live, but they all pass on much to soon. We can only do our part to make their passing as peaceful and painless as possible, and you did your part.
Darrell
& Bo

Dear Ann,

I knew Chili Bean had cancer, but I had no idea what kind of cancer. Taking her to the vet for antibiotics and finding out you had to have her put to sleep must've been devastating. I'm so sorry. I cried as I read your post.

Anniversaries are always so hard. You're in my thoughts on Chili Bean's 5 month anniversary.

Love,
Kathleen

Ann, emotional pain has to be the worst in this world.The grief we suffer when our pets leave us. And were not our pets wonderful to us.It is so final when they are gone. Grieving hurts, not being able to share happy days with them as we once did is the bitter pill.. It is said time heals. I will not forget Ollie and you Chilli Bean Bubbles and Snookie. Chihuahuas are such heart breakers; they are too cute. When I got Ollie, he was the only one left, because he was a little bit big. But the bonus was that he had a wonderful temperment. I rememeber Mrs. Swenson the breeder telling me that. It is interesting that the breeders can tell that when they are such young pups!He brought a lot of contentment to our home; helped Paulina and me with the passage through a lot of weary days.I miss your Chilli Bean also. She has made this world a better place with her bright shining life.

All the best to all of us and our loved ones

Tory&Paulina.

I want to thank each and everyone of you for responding to my post about precious Chili Bean. She was a wonderful little doll and brought more joy in my life that I ever dreamed possible. She along with Snookie was the light of my life. Here is another picture of her with one of our daughters darling long haired dachshund. Thanks Lynn I came back in so I could spell it right.
Love, Ann

Dear Ann,

Thinking of you as you've reached the 5 month passing of your sweet Chili Bean. Those pictures are precious. Both Chili Bean and your daughter's dachshund (I looked it up in the dictionary ) are simply adorable. I know how much you miss your sweet girls. To have taken little Chili Bean to the vet that day, thinking you were going to bring her home and being told that horrible news must have been beyond devastating. You've really been through so much yet still find the courage to reach out to others. You have helped so many people with your kindness.

Love,
Lynn

Ann,
That Chilli Bean was just darling!! She looks like she was a dear sweet thing!! And that picture of her and your daughter's dog!! How sweet!!

I just posted this on another thread and thought I'd share it will you, too. While searching for information for a friend who was struggling with if she should put her dog down, I found something that I will never forget. It helped me when I made the choice to say goodbye to my Sadie. It said something like this....the choice to put your pet down is made when the time comes when you make the decision to take your pet's pain onto yourself.

Ann, you did that for Chilli Bean. You took her pain onto yourself, which was a sacrifice of love.

Take care, Ann. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Carol

Thanks Lynn and Carol, I guess everyone can see I have always been surrounded by wonderful babies who have loved me and been loved by me. I just hate to think of the pain as each one of them leaves this world. Yet I would not have given up the love of my Snookie, Chili Bean, or any of my grandbabies for anything in this world. I have had more joy then any woman has a right to have. I said it before and I will say it again I was and am so blessed.
Love, Ann