----I Have Been My Grandmas Care Giver For A Year Now. My Cats Were In Texas And I Just Went And Got Them Two Months Ago. I Could Only Keep One Here With Me So I Placed Luckyday With Someone I Trusted. She Runs A Kennel And Feed Store. I Have Taken Her Many A Sick Bird And She Is The Animal Woman Of The Community I Used To Live In. When I Took My Son I Told Her He Was Declawed And A House Cat All The Way. She Agreed To Keep Him In Her Home. I Spent Two Hours Talking To Her Asking Over And Over Was There Any Way Possible He Could Get Out. I Asked Every ? She Offered Me A Really Cheap Rate And I Told Her --"No Because I Know Im Going To Get My Boy Back Safe" I Had This Talk In The Feed Shop. I Dint Insist On Seeing The Inside Of Her Home Thurs Night Late--i Couldnt Sleep Because Everytime I Would Start To Close My Eyes I Felt Like I Would Stop Breathing! I Was So Afraid That I Almost Called To Be Taken To Hospital. I Thought My Heart Was Going To Stop If I Went To Sleep. I Was So Uncomfortable I Ended Up Falling Asleep About 3 Am In A Chair. The Next Day This Woman Calls And Says Lucky Got Out Last Night And Got Into The Neighbors Yard And Dies A Brutal Death Aat The Hands Of A Pitbull And Rott. Since Words Can Not Describe My Heart Break I Will Jump To The Facts. She Told Me He Was In Her Freezer That I Should Not See Him And That She Would Bury Him. The Next Morning I Paced Jumped In My Car Headed Out To Her Place. My Best Friend Made Me Wait While She Made A Two Hour Trip From Her Place In One Hour. When I Told The Lady We Were Taking Him She Said Well My Husband All Ready Dug The Hole. That Was Weird To Me. After We Got Lucky Home My Friend Examined Him ---i Couild Not ---she Found Only One Little Red Spot That Was As If Some Blood Got On Him. No Eveidence Of Thisw Brutal Death. Well My Guilt In This Matter Is Poison Enough But After This Week I Realize I Have Been Lied To Because For Some Reason --she Doesnt Want Me To Know. She Even Said In Front Of Me And My Friend He Got Out Because My Cat Can Open The Front Door. I Would Have Never Left My Son There If I Knew That And We Discussed That There Was No Flippin Way He Could Get Out. So Now He Is In The Dirt In The Back Yard And There Is No Where For Me To Run No Way To Escape And I Dont Deserve Escape. I Want O Write This Woman And Beg Her To Tell Me And I Want Her To Admit The Conversations We Had And How She Assured Me . I Want To Know How He Died. I Light A Candle On His Grave Every Night. He Loved Me Like Nothing I Have Ever Known---i Have A Cat With Me That Is 14 But Lucky And I Were So Close. I Am Responsible --i Was His Mom And He Trusted Me ---i Told Him He Would Be Safe There. If You Took The Time To Read This Juble God Bless You. I Have Never Known This Kind Of Pain--there Is No Peace!!!!!!!!!!!---- There Was No Blood On The Towel They Had Him Wrapped In Either. He Was Solid White --no Teeth Marks------luckyday--people That Love Animals Are Reading Your Name And What Happened---you Were An Angel --the Cowardly Lion. My White Tiger. I Believe I Felt The Very Life Going Out Of You That Night. I Love You --i Thankyou--im So Sorry Forever Sorry

edited by LS Support to lower case font for easier reading

Dear Deanna,

I am so sorry that you were betrayed in this way. You are a lovely person for taking care of your granmother and it is shameful that as you give love and kindness and generosity, you have received the opposite.

I am so sorry for your loss of lucky. It is very clear (to us, if not to you) that you tried your best to take as good of care of him as you could -- you should not feel guilty.

The anger on the other hand -- I can understand. I don't know what I would do to her. ...

I suppose it is possible that dogs did do it, even without a lot of blood. Dogs can shake things quite hard. But I don't know. And I suppose that without an autopsy /necropsy you won't ever really know. I'd like to say "let it go" (as far as finding out what happened), but I do not know if I would be able to....

I am so sorry for all the pain you have. I really really empathize. I wish I could give you a big hug. I wish I could tell you it will all be ok. But in addition to the grief over your loss, you have been hurt and are justifiably angry and it is just going to take awhile before those feelings lessen.

Please be very gentle with yourself. Indulge yourself in the tears, and your favorite foods and lots of rest...

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Love,
Jennifer

You can turn over a million ways your son died and you can punish yourself for an eternity, but the fact is that Luckyday has gone and is resting in the most wonderful place and probably wondering what all the fuss is about.
This lady, you know her you know she would bring no harm to an animal deliberately, that’s why you left Luckyday with her. Whatever happened I would say must surely have been an accident if she didn’t want him she would have said so.
All of us here have let our imaginations run wild, I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that, but when it comes down to it do we really have any say, is it already written in the stars as they say.

If you must confront her, wait a while so that you are ready to hear her story rather than accuse her, I am at this very moment looking after a friends dog and it would be bad enough if something happened to her without having to face her mummy accusing me of, maybe, something I had not done.

Love Sue

tHANKS TO JENNIFER---I FEAL YOUR SPIRIT AND YOUR HUG. YOUR WORDS WERE REAL
THANK -U TO SUE --ALSO NEEDED A FIRM TALK --AND TO HEAR SOMEONE ELSE SAY SOME THINGS I KNEW. TODAY I PUT A WHITE ROSE ON HIS GRAVE AND ALL MORNING I CRYED BUT TONIGHT --WEIRD IM REALLY DOING BETTER TONIGHT THEN ALL WEEK. TODAY IN THE MAIL I GOT A LETTER FROM THAT WOMAN --IT WAS THE RAINBOW BRIDGE POEM ---I DONT BUY IT ITS NOT FOR ME BUT SHE WROTE IT OUT AND AGAIN DIDNT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY BUT OFFERED LOVE. MAKING HER FEAL BAD AND OR WORSE IS NOT GOING TO HELP. ALL WEEK I HAVE MOANED THE MONTRA THERE IS NO PEACE IN THIS. TODAY I STARTED A NEW ONE ---TODAY HE IS NOT AFRAID TODAY HE IS NOT HURT. HE LOOKED LIKE A BIG WHITE SNOW MAN --HE WAS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING BUT ME. HE LIKED TO BITE ON MY HAND AND HE LIKE TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH MY FACE. WHEN I WAS ALONE AND HURT AND AFRIAD HE WAS ALWAYS THERE. HE IS THE LONGEST REALTIONSHIP I HAVE EVER HAD WITH A MAN LOL. I ALWAYS FELT HE WAS ANGELIC AND SENT TO WATCH OVER ME. IM SO SORRY HE DIDNT DIE WITH ME HOLDING HIM . IM SO SORRY I CHANGED HIS WHOLE WORLD AROUND BUT IT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION TO HURT HIM AND I BELIEVED HE WAS GOING TO BE SAFE WITH MY WHOLE HEART. I KNOW SHE WOULD NOT HARM A ANIMAL. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND SHE IS PROBUBLY AFRAID THAT I WOULD TAKE ACTION BECAUSE SHE WAS A BUSINSS HIRED TO BOARD HIM. HE BELONGED TO GOD AND I THANK GOD HE LET ME HAVE THAT BOY AND KNOW THAT KIND OF LOVE. MY SON WILL CONTINUE TO IMPACT MY LIFE. HE IS MAKING ME STRONGER AND I HAVE GONE THREW THIS WITHOUT ABUSING PILLS , FOOD OR MERLOT. I DID THE FIRST NIGHT --DONT GET ME WRONG! BUT I DIDNT CONTINUE ONE BECAUSE I DIDNT FEAL I DESERVED THE COMFORT. BUT MAINLY OUT OF RESPECT FOR HIM THAT I WANTED TO FACE THIS AND FEAL IT. THANK GOD FOR THIS SITE. THANK YOU LADIES PEACE TO YOU AND YOURS. DEANNA

Deanna,

You DO deserve the comfort. Even today, luckyday would comfort you if he could -- because you DO deserve the comfort.

I can't say I haven't abused pills, alcohol or food in my grief. At points, it has been unbearable and I really am not sure that I could've survived without some external aid. But I have also let myself feel the grief as much as possible bc I have known that really, one way or another I WILL experience it, so might as well face it head on...

I am glad Sue had a firm talk with us!!! Like I said, I was empathizing and I think I might've killed the woman! But Sue is probably right....

I hope you are feeling as good as you can today, Deanna...

I'm sorry I didn’t mean my words to sound so ‘firm’ and really at a time you that you need so much comfort. I guess that I just started wondering what if something happened to Smudge while I was looking after her.

Its easy for us to say you shouldn’t think this you shouldn’t think that, but you are after all human and we have all had a tendency to be harsh with ourselves for what we believe to be very unique reasons.

Give yourself a break if only for one minute and say something nice to yourself, like “I like the colour of my eyes” say anything, just be more kind to yourself it’s a hard harsh world sometimes and if we cant be forgiving and loving of ourselves then our fellow men (woman) don’t stand a chance.

I believe in Rainbow Bridge, I believe that when we die our spirit is set free and the most wonderful place appears before us and we feel happy to be home at last, but what kind of spirit would we be if no one was missing us after we had left.

Love Sue

Deanna,

Firstly I am deeply sorry for your loss both in the loss itself and how it came about. Sue is right ... you should't beat yourself up over it and I was glad to read that you are feeling better. You loved Luckyday ... he knows that and you know that. You did what you thought was best for him and he knows that as well.

Hope you are feeling better today and continue on the path to recovery...

hugs,
Beth