Lightening has struck for the third time in just over 3 years and THIS time it has taken the love of my life - Corkie! She was a just turned 15 year old Tabby girl with a white bib and toes and an apricot muzzle and a white milk color mustache as well as a white diamond on her salmon colored nose.

I loved this little girl more than life. I am lost without her. She went in just about 6 days. First she had a bladder infection, then she had fluid in her CHEST and that stopped her lungs from being able to expand and her to take a deep breath. Then suddenly they said it was cancer.

She was gone before the final shot. I lived for this little girl. She was my LIFE and I allowed her to be cheated as another cat I adopted kept trying to chase her away. She became afraid to sleep in my room in her little bed, BUT she was just starting to get over her fear when she died.

She was sooooo courageous, as she had CRF, Asthma, IBD and was a tripod due to VAS. She had to have fluids and be given prednisalone and pepcid and she fought against them like a demon!

She was the dearest of the dear and ALWAYS greeted me by extending her little arm and givng me a smile.

I cannot breath it hurts so much. I am taking anti depressents and other meds which don't help and trying to drown the pain with herbal calming tea. I don't know how to make the pain go away and yet still remember her. HOW do I live without her?! She WAS my LIFE!

Heidi & kidties
Kotton, comforting protecting Siamese girl
Benji, Houdini in a spotted tabby boy suit, Missy, Dear Feisty little Bicolor girl
and my THREE Special Beloved Angels
Minnie - Sweetest lovingingest Calico Sunshine Kitty Girl Saint,
Schatzi - Mr Wonderful- BEST EVER Tuxedo Standard Poodle & His Kitty girl
Corkie, Dearest Most Courageous, Purring Perfect LOVE of a smiling INCREDIBLE Tabby girl

I am so, so, so sorry you lost your precious best friend. I do understand how it feels. It's the worst, the very worst. Keep coming here and talking about it. There are people here who will help you get through this. I will say a prayer for you.
Love,
Marcia

Hi Heidi, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Corkie and the other babies you have lost. She is such a pretty girl and I know how much your heart must be breaking. Somehow we just put one foot in front of another and go through the motions of living. Our hearts beat on even if at times we wish it would not. I am just so sorry you lost your love of your life. Please come and talk to us anytime you feel like it.
Ann

I am sorry about Corkie. I know how lost and empty it feels too. It is such a sad sad feeling. I also have lost my baby girl Summer in 01 she was 16 and I have her son left, Gato Manx, he will be 17 yrs old this year. And then there is my boy Moose, losing him was the worst, it has been a little over 5 months now and I have just started to think straight again, I am just plain sad in a very deep way and still cry, but even though I cry and long for him the pain is not as sharp as it was in the beginning. All you can do is go with it. It was a divine gift that was given for a time. Only a time, and you have to give it back, but only for a little while, just a little while.. Pamela

Corkie sounds such a dear and wonderful little cat. I know just what you mean when you say she would extend her arm towards you in greeting. My little tabby cat Ellie used to do just the same. She would reach her little paw up towards me. It was such a loving gesture.

It must be heartbreaking for you to have lost such a wonderful little companion as Corkie was. I know how immense the pain can be and the terrible feeling of loss. I'm so very sorry for what you are going through.

Please know that my thoughts are with you.

With love
jilly

I am so sorry to hear of your loss~ I too have had to deal with the passing of my dear perfect beautiful Amber ~ a tabby cat with a white mustasche and little white feet and a pink nose and a white blaze down her nose - such a sweet and accepting cat ~ I can feel all your emotions that you have described ~ I am trying so hard to understand this ~ I close my eyes and try to feel comfort ~ but only find shadows and cold places ~ the person I was is also transforming ~ because I will never be the same without my Ambie ~ so I am here sharing my feelings ~ and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing yours - it will help you heal and it helps me to remember I am not alone ~ Peace Be With You ~ Kathryn , Angel Amber and C.C.

I am so sorry about your sweet little Corkie. I understand what you are going thru. I lost my favorite cat Bubba in Dec. to cancer, and It hurts so much. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kim

I'm so very sorry about Corkie. She was your baby and I know how much you're hurting. Even though it's devestating, it was fast and hopefully she didn't have much pain and suffering.

We're here for you and pray that we can help your pain and suffering ease. Please be strong and be well and know that Corkie is with you wanting you to be ok.

Hugs,

Pat

Dear Heidi,

I am sorry about Corkie. She sounded like she was wonderful. She was a beauty!

My dog Sasha had a similar thing where her lungs filled up also and she had cancer. I know how you feel. You need to give yourself time to heal.

My thoughts are with you.

Nancy

[FONT=Times][COLOR=green]Everyone keeps saying God took Corkie cause it was her time. They say you are born you live and you die, and it was her turn to die, and then they say She had a good life, she is in Heaven and she knows how much you love her.

THAT does not help at all! I have 3 remaining kitteis and I love them to peices but somehow, since Corkie has gone I am so numb and hurt so much I can't feel the love for my 3 that I used to.

Days are OK as I can keep busy but nights I HATE! IF there is a good movie on I am OK but most times there is nothing and nothing on the computer either. I had to stop the herbal calming teas as I realised they were not helping my grief - only to make me tired, and my anti depressent does not help either.

It has now been 6 weeks and she has not visited me. She has to be angry at me. If she was not she WOULD come and visit. I love her so much some times it hurts to breathe. I sit at the computer or watch tv and keep getting the urge to go check on her and then I remember ------! She had to fight so hard to live and now she is gone!

I am thinking of you on this 6 week mark for your precious Corkie. My little chihuahua Chili Bean has been gone for a little over 5 months and I have not had a visit from her. My husband did and I heard my Snookie but he didn't. I guess sometimes it takes a while for them to let us know they are there. You Corkie was just beautiful and I am sorry you are having a hard time loving your remaining babies as much as you used too.
Ann

Oh Heidi
Please don't think she's mad at you. I felt so much the same as you...I was SOOO upset that Jasmine had not visited me. I posted about it here many times. Everyone kept telling me that it was because the pain was too intense, I wasn't ready for it. And they were right. This past week I finally calmed myself in my soul, and started talking to her. Then I asked her for a sign...and she gave me one. I posted about it in my thread. She sent a mourning dove to me as a sign that she was free and okay. So please try to relax and talk to her and be really ready in your heart and she WILL come to you.
Take care
Audrey

Your sweet girl was very beautiful. I have felt the same feeling you are feeling. I know that my Bubba gave me a sign the day he died but I really have had no visits or dreams of him since. He was my baby for 14 1/2 years and we were very bonded. I have asked Rick many times "do you think Bubba is mad at me?" In my heart I know Bubba is now free from his pain and his spirit has moved on. I don't have an answer for you, but I do know that our babies loved us unconditionally. Maybe we have been getting signs from them but have not opened up to them. I just know that they did love us, and they have moved into a higher plane of existance.

My thoughts are with you.

kim

Heidi,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that words are not enough to make the pain go away and we can't answer all the questions. I won't debate God and his wisdom or even if there is such. I can tell you that in time it will get easier but I can't say when that time will be.

I do understand how you feel about the remaining kitties. I have two left at home that I love but I'm having a hard time giving attention because they aren't my Gandalf. I'm hoping I'll get past this soon. Then when I want to give or get loves from them they don't respond the way Gandalf did and it hurts all over.

I'm sure that Corkie isn't mad at you. Don't let guilt work it's way in, you did all that you could. I'm thinking that she's sending you signs but that you are in too much pain right now that you can't get them. Just take it one day, hour or minute at a time.

Hugs,
Dawn