Does it make you feel very frightened or discouraged if you see an "older" member post about how devastated they still are?

I've resisted posting on occasion because I did not want someone who is in the early stages to think that the grief continues so strongly for 9 months. I don't want to scare people. It is just that sometimes the sadness creeps back in, or I simply wish to acknowldge that I still feel the loss very deeply.

Speaking for myself only, Im 39 years old, and I still miss pets I've lost 20+ years ago from time to time. Especially after taking a trip down memory lane with old photos, or talking to friends about all the pets I've had over the years.

I dont think that the pain every really goes away, rather, you just learn how to deal with it better and better as time goes on. And the length of time it takes to be able to cope with it will be as different as each pet is, also. I also think there is no reason that after nine months you should feel like you are beyond needing some support yourself so dont be afraid to post.

Steph,

I've thought about that on more than one occasion also Steph. I actually came on this morning because I woke up thinking of Kasha and thought the mood might strike to write a little more about her life but when I got here I started reading the new posts instead. Reading about recent losses reminds me of how hard it was in the first few weeks. It kind of makes me feel better about where I am today (in the emotional department) but more so makes me want to tell the new members about it so they can be assured that, although the pain never goes away, it gets a little easier to deal with as time goes on.

I wouldn't say that I've ever hesitated to post because it's been 5 months since I lost Kasha but, for me, priorities shift a bit when I come on here and actually start reading about other peoples journeys. But, like I said, I do wonder what the new members think of the heartbroken posts of people who lost their furbabies months ago (like myself). I hope that people see us in this stage of our journey and find strenght in knowing that (as hard as it is) it is possible to go on....no matter how much you are hurting and missing your lost friend.

Kristie

i have found that everyone grieves at different speeds and for differing lengths of time. if this grief comes to the point where the person can no longer
achieve daily functions, it may be time to visit a counselor. otherwise, it really is an individual type of process.

Hello Steph

It is 4 months for me since I lost Ellie and I still feel the loss very deeply. Not all the time. But it comes over me in waves. Sometimes I'm okay for quite long periods then suddenly it all sweeps over me again and I find myself crying and missing her so badly.

For me it seems to be linked to other happenings in my life. If everything is going fairly well for the family, then I am fairly okay as I have something else happy to focus on. When there are traumas or unhappinesses in the family, then that is when I miss her the most.

I have come to realise that her little smiling face and cheerful disposition allowed me to be distracted from the other problems that were going on around me. She was always there, always the same, always a warm little bundle of love that I could focus on and would make me smile during the hard times.

I miss her for herself, but I also miss her for what she meant to me. She was my medicine, my tranquilliser in worrying times, my anti-depressant during depressing times. And now she's gone and I miss all the happiness that she brought to my life.

I think it is good to be able to come here and post when feelings and missing our babies come to the fore again, how ever long it is. I know how very special border collies are ... I was fortunate enough to share my life with one for 7 years. That was 18 years ago. I didn't really ever get over losing her for many many years.
9 months is a very short time for such a very precious and special furbaby as Luba was..

With love
jilly

great question. Yes, i sometimes feel really scared that these strong feelings will never shift or become "easier" and when i talk to someone, or read posts about someone grieving for a long time, i wonder; "how can i possibly deal with feeling this way _________months or years from now??" of course it will not be "the same" all the time, and the feelings shift constantly.
At the same time, i am deeply comforted and moved that people love their animals so deeply and share their feelings online.
So, i am glad that ANYONE posts WHATEVER they're feeling about their animal and grieving, because in some way, i relate to it and am able to utilize the energy for my own healing work.

Thanks for the responses.

I think that the reason that I still post about Luba is that I like to have somewhere to come and acknowlege her. She was such a wonderful friend to me, and I feel that she is all but forgotten to everyone around me.

When I do post about her, I usually point out that the grief really is much less intense than it once was. Hopefully in this way new members will see that while the furbabies are not forgotten life does go on.

dear steph,
thank you for speaking about this. your pointing out some of the reasons you post is exactly what i find so helpful to my own healing process. HOWEVER, please know that i want to hear ANY of your feelings of grief, even if they're 70 million times MORE intense- in other words, please don't adjust what you write in depth or volume (unless you want to:-)