It has been 5 days since I had to put my Rosa to Sleep. She was my little 12 y/o longhaired Daschund. I actually made it more than 2 hours today without crying. My surviving dog Heidi (9 y/o shorthaired Daschund) is still grieving also. We really comfort each other.
The best therapy for me is to come to this site to share and console. It has helped so much. I thank those who have written replys to my posts. I have responded to many people as well. I know this is comforting for everyone. Saturday I will be attending a local Surviving Pet Owners Greif meeting at 9:30 A.M. I hope I don't totally break down, but If I do, oh well. I will post again tomorrow. Thanks to all.

Rusty

Rusty,
I'm glad you're going to that meeting. Let us know how it goes. Five days is an awfully short time -I know the pain is still so new. I'm so glad that Heidi is there to comfort you, and you her. One of the amazing things to me about grief is that it brings the living closer together.
You're in my thoughts,
Jenny

Rusty,
Two weeks to the day for me since I lost my little schnauzer, "Bo" .
Its hard, real hard for me to. Bo and I were each others family, he was my inspiration for life. He was such a good boy. Before I came to this site I would never have dreamed there are so many others out there who as grieve as intensely as I do for their loss.but unfortunately there are.
I hope things improve for you very soon and your grief subsides.
dp

You are lucky to have a meeting like that in your area. Good that you are going!

I remember those times of going hour by hour in terms of not crying. Give yourself time. The grief will lessen, but it will take a while.

Hi Rusty, Maybe you will be able to come away feeling just a little better after the meeting. I am sure they are used to people breaking down all the time. Just let your feelings out, I sure wish they had something like that in my city. I am glad that Heidi is there for you and is a comfort to you. I had to get some pills from the vet for Gypsy Rose she had a hard time when Chili Bean died but when we lost Snookie 6 weeks later it was more than she could cope with. It is just so hard for those who have been left behind. Hugs
Ann

Rusty,
Sorry for my delay in replying to you. I guess I am in the denial stage(I think that is what it is called). Karmilla was my first dog. For the past couple of days I have been unable to stop myself from feeling guilty. Guilty about not educaing my self on Karmillas breed(chihuahua). Especially since I am a graduate student. I never took the time to educate myself on know diseases or even health related problems. I never even took the time to pick up any additional material related to a chihuahua. Only after her passing did I decide to do these things. A little to late... Karmilla had been having accidents almost every night in my daughters room. I would return home to accidents. I started to get tired of steam cleaning my carpet. I remember she had an accident one day in Maylonies room( the smell from her urine smelt sooo bad I alost pucked). Duh, it never dawned on me that something was seriously wrong. O.k. let me remind you that I have never owned a dog or even been around a dog for longer than a couple of hours. Prior to Karmilla, I wasn't interested in dogs. So, I put her bed on my back stairway leading to outside; that is where she slept for about two weeks, and when I would leave she would go outside. Prior to this Karmilla was a house dog. Heaven forbid she should get her pawns wet to relieve her self when it was raining. Yes, I would take hold an umbrella for her! So of course I let her back in. She would sleep on my bed 5 out of 7 days a week. So, one night I woke up to her cries. At 4:30am I dragged myself out of bed and took her to the bathroom. I remember waiting for a good 5 minutes for her to come back in. I thought she saw smelling the roses or something(j/k). So, we went back in the bed. About 5 minutes later she need to go again. O.k. I was now pissed. The next night she slept on the bed. When I awoke, she was starting to urinate on my bed. Now, Karmilla prior had never had a accident in my room. Knowing I was her master. I was so upset. From the on she slept on my stairway with her bed. I remember it rained a couple of nights. I was sooo cold I did not even let her in. She was problably freezing her ass off. She started to eat less and less food. One morning I let her in, to play and Maylonie asked me why her tail looked like it did. Karmilla was soo swollen from pushing to relieve herself that her tail could not lye down. A few hours later her started bleeding heavely when she urinated. She was would not stop licking herself. She was trying to urinate about every 15-20 minutes. She was trying soo had to go that she would fart. Don't laugh, imagine her pain. I know we have all be constipated. My living room looked like I had murdered someone from all her blood on the carpet. So, we went to the vet, the vet gave her antibiotics. They said she had an infection, made her an apt. for Tues. and they would call with the results from the tests. O.k. I'm not a rocket scientist, but I do know one thing normally you should start feeling better in about 3-4 days if you have an infection. But, we must remember to take all the medicine even if we are feeling better. Karmilla continued to bleed, and continued to strain, and continued not to eat. So, Fri. she would not stop whining, seriously for 4 hours she would not stop. I remember her eyes, there was something about her eyes. I could see in her eyes that her was telling me, "Mom, it's not getting better, it had progressed so much that the doctor is wrong, I can no longer go on please help me). I think that is what she was saying. So, I called the vet and expalined her current situation. The vet wanted to run some more tests as planned on Tuesday, He said something in her blood was extremely high, and she would have to take medicine for a long time. My baby just layed her head on my lap and whined. She was as uncomfrotable she could not stay still. I did not want her to suffer for Sat.-Tues. I only hope somebody would not let me suffer. So, I made that decision. When I handed her to the vet in her bloody blanket, I remember she just looked at me. She was in so much pain, she did not make an effort to move, she just watched me walk out of the door. I could not even give her a hug. I feel guilty for not seeing her signs. What if I had educated myself for her, and only have had saw her signs. Would Karmilla still be alive today????
Andi

Guilt is so much a part of the grief, I have alot of guilt with my boy because I was unable to go be with him when the put him down,,,,I just could not do that it was to much for me to bear...i loved him so much but I am so weak about Good-byes,,,I just could'nt do it You just have to make it through the days in the beginning then it will not sting as much, but it takes time...coming here you will find so many people that have the same feeling of loss that you do, it really does help. Pamela

Russ,

I agree with Pamela, I think guilt is an inevitable part of the process. I was fortunate enough to be able to be with Abram during his euthanasia, and I felt extremely guilty for doing that to him. I felt (and still do sometimes) like I failed him somehow, and though my rational mind says it was necessary due to his suffering and illness, my emotional mind still has turmoil and anguish about it at times. I think this would still be the case if I had not been with him during that time. Guilt will happen no matter what you do to prepare for it, no matter if you decide to be there or not, its just a normal part of the grief process.

In the 2 days since Abram has passed on, I have found much comfort here posting about him, and his brother (who I fortunately still have) and reading about others tough times as well. Despite feeling uncomfortable about it at first, this is a great place to come and just browse all the stories and I'm sure that if you continue to visit here, the guilt, and ultimately the grief will become more bearable over time.