Hi,

I'm new at this and really need a shoulder to cry on. Last night I had to put my 5 year old golden retriever to sleep. Her name was Megan. She was the best dog and I know I'll never have another like her. I'm crying as I type this because although I know it was the best thing for her I still feel as though I betrayed my best friend. On top of all this, I'm trying to hold it together for my two daughters (3&5). Any advise on how to get through this in one piece?

Thanks,
Tracey

Hi Tracey,

My condolences on your loss of Megan. How you must have loved her!

I understand what you’re going through. On Monday night, we had to put my cat, Trixie, to sleep. She was my best friend and companion for almost 12 years. I know it was the only thing to do, though. How could I have let her go on, when all that was in store for her was a painful wasting away? As it was, I think I may have postponed the inevitable a bit longer than I should have. Just couldn’t let my baby girl go, I guess.

Of course, that still doesn’t stop the guilt over having been the one to give the go-ahead for putting her to sleep. All these thoughts keep creeping into my head and whispering that there might have been something else that could have been done for her. I know that this is 100% false (she went through 5 months of chemo and the doctors tried everything), but there it is nonetheless. Maybe that feeling will never go away, but I hope a day will come when the pain will not be so intense. I hope this for you too, Tracey.

I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by good friends who are also enamored of their pets and completely understand how painful the loss of a furry companion is. I even got flowers delivered here! The pain is not weird or trivial and you need to be around people who won’t try to tell you or make you feel otherwise. Well, I guess that’s one of the reasons you posted here... If there are people like that in your life, talk to them or exchange emails. Emails are working best for me, as the moment I start talking about Trixie I break down into tears.

Holding it together for your girls is an admirable goal. (Warning: I don’t have children so please feel free to ignore this part) They're so young. One thing I've gotten from the things I've read is that mourning together as a family and having some kind of little ceremony might not be such a terrible thing. Also, I saw a magazine article today that said kids under 8 have a hard time realizing that the deceased pet can't eat, drink, feel pain, get scared, etc. and that special care should be taken to make sure they understand that. That’s all I’ll say and will refer you to the articles on this site about helping children deal with the grief that comes with pet loss. OK, one more thing, you’re the Mom and you’re the one who took on the responsibility of doing what was best for Megan. Sucks to be an adult sometimes, doesn’t it? It’s ok, though, for that other part of you to simply grieve like a little girl who has just lost her dog. At times like these, I think it’s ok to be a sad kid again – even if it’s just for a little while.

I hope that this made sense or helped a little. I’m not sure if I’m writing this to you or to me. Maybe a little of both.

Take Care,

Kai

Hi Kai and Tracey,

The next few months are probably going to be the hardest of your lives coming to terms with what you had to do.

I can assure you both that there is light at the end of the tunnel having had my precious Jude put to sleep last March I tormented myself for months, my mother always said I had too vivid an imagination and now I know she’s right.

For me I couldn’t accept that what I did was right so in the end I just had to forgive myself, as I know Jude did from the very start.

Well having read your posts and written this I have just had a few tears, I guess the last time was xmas eve so thats more the two weeks isn’t it, not bad seeing as last March I was crying every two seconds.

As for your children, I never saw my mum cry in all the time I was growing up, not a good thing as I cried all the time and thought something was wrong with me, and when my nan died and my mum cried I didn’t know what to do – again not a good thing, I think children should know that crying is just an emotion the same as laughing and you wouldn’t hide that emotion from them would you

God bless you both
Love Sue

Hi, Tracey,

I am so sorry for your loss of Megan. I wish I could make your guilt go away about helping her along-- but I can't. No matter how they go, we feel guilty. But when we have to help them-- I know how badly it hurts. Just last night, I woke up and my mind drifted to when we had to put Frey to sleep 6 and 1/2 months ago. I started to cry and couldn't get back to sleep. She was 14, arthritic, had cancer, and was paralyzed -- we HAD to do it... but....

As for your kids -- I don't have any, so I don't know. I think there is some advice pinned on the d&d support page. But I don't think you should hold it together too much. I remember my mom crying when pets died, and the first time -- even at age 2 or 3 I understood that she was very sad bc Auggie was gone. This summer, my nieces were over and asking me about Saki and Freyja's deaths, and I burst into tears. I think they felt badly at first bc they thought THEY were making me cry, but I told them that I just miss my fur babies a lot-- and I do think it was good for them to see that its ok to miss them and to cry...

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Love,
Jennifer

Hi Tracey,

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I just lost my golden, Maggie, on Thursday and it is so hard to be without her. Don't torment yourself with endless "maybe's" and "what if's". (That sounds silly coming from me as I am also dealing with a lot of guilt but it's true nonetheless). Megan knows you love her and that you did everything you could for her best interests. It helped me to bury Maggie in a nice spot and plant a garden there...perhaps a similar memorial would help you with your pain.

As far as your children are concerned, the youngest member of my household is eight and is having a very hard time with losing Maggie. I found a great activity book for him online at http://rainbowsbridge.com/Grief_Support/Ch...tivity_book.pdf. You would have to help them with the reading and everything, but overall it has really helped Mathew (and it helped me to get my mind off "what if?").

I hope this helps. Hang in there and know that no matter what Megan knows you did the best you could and that you love her.

Selene

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the support. I don't have many friends that are true animal lovers. My husband is trying very hard to be supportive but I think he is tired of seeing me cry. We went to pay our vet bill today and they had done a pawprint for us, just seeing it was enough to set the tears free (again). Although we still have our other golden, Molly, I find my house strangely quiet. Megan was a very "talkative" dog and always greeted us. I just miss her so much. I'm glad that I've found this site, I hope it will continue to help me and maybe I'll be able to help another lost and sad pet owner.

Tracey

Hi, Tracey,

Don't worry too much about your husband. My experience with men re: their partner crying is that they feel responsible, like they either 1) caused it or 2) are to "blame" bc they have not fixed it. So just tell him he has nothing to do with it. I am sure, once he understands that, he will be more understanding of your crying for missing Megan bc I am sure he feels the same.

Love,
Jennifer