Hello,
I have not written in a while. I have read and responded to some people though. It is still very hard for me to come here.
I can barely even type tonight. I miss my boy Mister so much. I have 2 new kittens and there are times that I feel so bad because I am thinking of him. He died trajically at 3 years old (most of you know) on February 11th. I still dont know why and never will. Sometimes like tonight it hits me so hard I can't take it. I am not at all suicidal but I want to be with him. I know that it sounds so weird, but the pain has not gone anywhere. the only change is that it is not every minute. Now, it is constant and really hard a lot of the time. All it takes is a picture or a thought that is new.

He is buried in my back yard, and every day and night that I go and return I say hi to him. I am alone in my feelings. Maybe not my feelings, but how I deal with it. my girlfriend shows little emotion, and can't talk about it. It is very hard, because my way is to try to remember him, talk about him, and deal with it that way. That upsets her and makes her feel uncomfortable, so I am trying not to. So inevitably, I have breakdowns that are really bad even 1 month +. I mean really bad. One month after his death, I was thinking about it every minute, woke up at 7 am when he died, went out to his grave and cried my eyes out. I dont know how else to deal. This site is so nice because it lets me cry and say what I feel without judgement. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, and I don't know when it will get any better if ever. I think that I will carry this until I die. I think that my feelings will not change ever, and I will always miss him and have moments of extreme sadness. I guess this is a part of life that is necessary and real. I want to thank all of you for writing to me and making me feel not so alone. Thank you for this site, and thank you Mister for your love.

Hi Jason, I know you must still be missing Mister a lot. It has not been a real long time for you but I know how it can seem like an eternity. Other days it seems like it was just yesterday that we lost them.

Maybe your girlfriend does not say much because she is trying to leave the pain behind. I am sure she still misses him and thinks about him. Maybe she tries to keep busy with the new fur babies to help ease the pain. Perhaps she feels you will never heal if she keeps talking about Mister.

My husband does not talk about Chili Bean and Snookie very much anymore. It is not because he does not love them or does not remember them anymore. But he says he wants to try to heal and not keep the wounds to his broken heart open. I try to respect his desire to do so and I don't talk to him as much about them.

Some of us deal with things in a different way. I love to talk about my girls to anyone who will listen. Even my grown children do not say very much about them anymore. I only have one grand child that says anything and she still cries. My other 5 have not said anything for a long time now.

I do not think it is crazy, weird, or insane to want to be with them. My thoughts are about my girls a lot too. Just hang in there. I don't think any of us will ever get over missing our babies. We just learn to live without them but never, never, ever will we stop loving them. We will always hold them close to our hearts and memories.
Ann

I am so glad that you came back here to share your feelings with us about your Mister Goose. You are not alone and can write anytime to vent the sadness and grief you are dealing with. We truly understand and will help in supporting you.

The time has been short with the passing of Mister Goose and I felt the very same way as you during that first month. The loneliness in missing my sweet pea was undescribable. And today, after four months out of no where.......Esabella appears in my mind and I too, have an emotional crisis. The love we have shared with our furbabies doesn't end with death. To me it goes to a new and different level so to speak. I dwell on the endless moments of laughter and fun we had together and know she is alive in my heart and will remain their always.

Mister Goose doesn't want to see you so sad as well as your girlfriend. Her silence is a way to help you. She knows that you need to grieve and gain strength to go on in your lives together.

Plus..........you have two new kittens who need you more than anything. They are babies and all babies need nurturing, as well. You will be surprised to learn the special gifts of love they have waiting for you.

So please stay here with us when you need to talk. This place is a life saver, a great support system and blessed strength builder for those like yourself and me.
You have so much to give for people who hurt and are suffering. We all work together to help make it through this difficult journey.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Litebrez

Jason,

There's nothing "weird" about feeling like you want to be with him. Inky died on February 5th and I got a new kitten a week ago... I share your feelings about being sad and just wanting Mister back. Unfortunately, our special babies aren't with us anymore, but if you take a step back and look, you just may find quite a bit of Mister's spirit in those little ones, too. I never thought it was true, but just last night she crawled into my brief case and came running out with one of my gloves.... this was something that, out of my 3 cats, only Inky did since he was a kitten. Needless to say, it not only brought tears to my eyes but a big burst of laughter, too. I'm still trying to find that glove!!

Visit Mister as often as you do, always keep him in your heart and love your new kittens as you would have loved him. You may just find quite a bit of him sprinkled in those two little angels.

Hugs,

Pat

I am so sorry you are not able to share your feelings and talk about Mister with your girlfriend. You know you can come here anytime and express your feelings. Please feel free to share more stories with us too!

I do the same thing with my Rachael, as you do. Every time I go in and out of the driveway, I look over at her grave and say hello. I tell her I miss her too! When we have bad weather, I go out and clean off her grave stone. She is buried under two big trees, so when stray leaves have landed, I go and rake her grave off. It just gives me comfort to talk to her there. I always planned on getting a nice bench to put out there too, but I haven't done that yet. Maybe when the weather gets nicer it will help push me to do it.

Hang in there! I know how bad the pain can be, but as time goes by, your healing will progress more and more.

Cheri

Dear Jason,

I'm sorry you're still feeling so down. It really hasn't been that long since you lost Mister and what you're going through is completely normal. I believe that in time you'll feel better. Hang in there.

Thinking of you.

Lynn

Dear Jason

When you come here, you know that we all understand the depths and intensity of your pain. Everyone here has been in that total pit of pain and misery where there seems as if there will never be an end to it. My little Ellie's life was cut short at age 15 months when she was struck by a car. She was the love of my life.

The early weeks were just terrible, I couldn't function at all, and then I began to think I was slowly improving, but I remember being overwhelmed again by tears around the 5 week mark, just at a point where I thought I was slowly healing. It suddenly all burst out again. I know Ellie was constantly in my mind for the first 6 weeks. Then very slowly I found there were small parts of the day where I had been thinking of something else.

And that's how it goes, sometimes its not too bad and then at other times its all completely overwhelming again and I feel like I'm back to square one.

Although its 15 weeks for me I have spent the last 2 days in floods of tears. The sunny summer weather has just started and I have been outdoors tending the plants. Ellie always used to be by my side when I was doing this and somehow I have had to go through all my grief again because it is a different location. I have got used to her not being in the house any more, and now I have to get used to her not being in the garden with me.

Mister was a very special cat and your bond with him was so so special. It was such a tragedy for his life to have been cut so short, in that untimely way. It makes it all the more poignant somehow.

You have lost a beloved member of your family and your feelings demonstrate the great love you had for him.

Time gradually takes away the acuteness, it softens a little, but there are still times when it comes back again in overwhelming waves. I think maybe it is something we have to learn to live with.

Despite all the pain of losing her, I am grateful that Ellie graced my life for 15 months. I wish it had been 15 years, but I am thankful for even those few short months with such a wonderful little cat. I know you feel the same Jason. The years you spent with Mister were very precious and he will always remain in your heart and mind until one day you are reunited again.

love
jilly

Thank you all. Reading your replies makes me cry, but in a good way. I feel l ike I know some of you. Thanks again for caring.
jason

Jason,

I really don't even know where to start. If I jump around from thing to thing it's because I'm typing as memories come to me. The first thing I can say is that if it weren't for this board, I wouldn't be doing as well as I am doing today. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't peachy by any means, but as far as coming to terms with what happened to my cat Romeo, I can't complain with where I am. Sometimes I just replied to others, sometimes I posted about Romeo. I found the replying to others to be personally satisfying plus even though at times it made me think of Romeo, there were at least as many times I could think about a situation other than my own. If you can find 1 or 2 or 3 people on this site whose stories reach you in a certain way, and then e-mail or P.M. those members, you may find that one or all may be able to help you through your grief just by chatting. That has helped me the most of anything!!!

Romeo died almost 4 months ago. Not very long but it feels like longer. I still cry sometimes. I think is good even though it hurts, because it means I haven't forgotten him. That I'm not forgetting about him. I felt guilty and sometimes still do wondering if maybe I haven't spent too little time mourning. I got a new kitten 6 weeks ago. I've learned a lot of things. As I watch the kitten do certain things, it allows to me to remember things about Romeo that I had thought I'd forgotten. I am thankful because it tells me I am remembering him, not forgetting him. I've also realized that Valentino, the new cat, isn't going to be like Romeo. I've realized that Romeo was special. Just like Mister and Bubba and Miss Mew and Ellie and Summer and Whitie and so many others that graced the lives of so many of us. They can't be replaced. But Valentino will be himself and whatever that is will be fine. The only thing "good" that's come out of Romeo's death is that it's caused me to cherish every moment with my animals. When Romeo was alive, Juliet, my other cat, did not get the attention she should have gotten. I belonged to Romeo and he wouldn't let her get too close to me when he was in the room. There are no favorites for me anymore because now I realize any of them could be gone in a second. I love and spoil them all with attention.

Romeo caused me to love cats again. I grew up with 2 cats but for some reason the relationship was different. I will never forget how Romeo used to "groom" my hair. I will never forget how devoted a cat he was. I will never forget him. I will never stop missing him.

I know this journey for you hasn't been easy. Romeo was the first animal of mine that I'd ever lost. I went to pick him up at the vet's office and thought he was sleeping. Got him home and he was dead. No good bye, no kisses, just gone. It's NOT fair when our babies are taken from us before they've lived a full life. But that's why coming to this site is important. Because people here know what you've gone through and what you're going through.

I can't tell you how it ends because like you, I'm still going through it. But for me, I know I'll always have the memories, unless I get senile. As long as the memories live in me, Romeo lives in me.

Best of luck to you.

Steve

Hi Jason,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had trouble too. My boyfriend, my friends, my mother - nobody seemed to want to talk about her, or seemed to miss her much after a few weeks. It was so tough because everyone just went on with life, and I was there with a huge ripping hole in my heart.

It does get better, but it takes quite a long time.

Take care - Steph

Just wanted to add: I don't think the grief ever "ends". Not from where I see it, but life just adapts. The sadness remains, but other things are there too. Other life experiences will put what feels like a bandage over a gaping wound.

I think we will always miss them, and certain aspects of losing them will always make us feel very sad, but it stops being all encompassing.