Just thought I'd drop in and say hi again. The days since Mr. Zen's death continue to pass, and I continue to miss him.

The locket that I bought arrived a little while back. It's perfect and I've got a bit of his fur safely tucked away. I had it engraved with his name just a couple of days ago.

I woke up in the most wonderful mood (I've got a sleep disorder) a couple of weeks ago, which is pretty strange for me because I generally have some atrocious nightmares. As I was talking with mom, I realized that I had been dreaming about Mr. Zen. Just like Ann's Snookie, I feel like Zen came back to let me see that he is doing OK. I was still sad in the dream, but after I remembered it, I felt like I had been given a gift, a most precious gift. In the dream he was laying out in the grass, I was stroking him. That's all, just me petting my beautiful cat. He looked at me in something of a wistful way, then laid his head back down and let me stroke him.

Every night before I go to sleep, I tell him that I love him and I miss him.

A few years ago, one of my friends met Mr. Zen. Liz took a look at him and told me she thought Mr. Zen was probably God in a cat suit. He just had such a presence; he watched out for us and his love for us was so tangible. I've never experienced such a mutual love with a pet before, though I hesitate to use the word pet when referring to Zen.

I ended telling one of my (ex)friends that I lost Mr. Zen and I was really torn up about it... (ex)friend then made a comment to me about how it was just a cat and cats only love us because we give them food. And perhaps it's true, some cats are only looking for a lap and food because they've never been around a person that they trust and are willing to love.

All of our cats know they are loved, and they love us in return. That being said, Zen was like a guardian angel who loved us with his whole heart. Now that he's gone, it's as though part of our hearts are missing.

I'm crying as I write this, and still cry for him nearly every night before I fall asleep. The pain is easing, but it's still very hard. At least we have our other kids around, they are a great comfort.

The willow where he's buried is showing the first signs of green. Mom and I have laid out a garden and I gave it a good coating of mulch so it will be ready when the time comes. More than just catnip, I'm sure it's going to be the most beautiful flower garden on the entire farm... and we've got LOTS of gardens scattered about. We've also hung a beautiful copper windchime out in the tree. One afternoon I was sitting out on the deck, soaking in some sun and talking to Mr. Zen (I hope he can still hear me) and although there was no noticeable breeze, the chimes started to ring. Now he's got a voice.

I hope you all are doing well, including those of you that are new to this site. Give big hugs to your furkids for me!

Kate

:::hugs Kate::: Kate, I feel sorry for your former friend, they probably have never known the real love like our furbabies can give. totally unconditional, and they are the best listeners. Im glad Mr. Zen has a voice now, and don't be surprised if you see him out of the corner of your eye running to his favorite sunning spot.

I brought my Xian kitty home this past monday from being cremated. When I took him down, I bought 2 fresh red roses to be cremated with him. This wonderful woman who runs the establishment took a bit of my baby's fur from his chest and put it in a seperate bag on top of his cremains, and she also added the sweet touch of placing a beautiful synthetic rose on top of both, tied together.

Also, I have a friend who does glass etchings. The pic at the bottom of this post, I sent it to him and he is etching it in glass with Xians name and his dates of birth and the ending of his pain. If you're interested, I can give you his info.

Hi Kate, I am glad you are doing fairly well since you lost your little Mr. Zen. I know it still hurts so much but am glad the pain has eased up for you. Oh it sounds like Mr. Zen will be in the most beautiful garden indeed. I am glad you got your locket and even got it engraved. That's wonderful that Mr. Zen came to you in a dream like my Snookie did. I have been on the road to healing since then. Keep coming back to let us know how you are doing.
Hugs, Ann

Dear Kate,

Your garden sounds like the perfect way to honor Mr Zen. You'll be able to spend so many days out there surrounded by his love.

I have a charm with some of Rusty's fur in it. It's a little square box with angels engraved on each side. Sometimes I wear it, other times I can't. So glad that Zen came to you in a dream and that it brought you comfort. I've had one dream of Rusty and it was very comforting being with him again, although when I woke up, I had to face the fact that he was gone. I hope it happens again and for you, too.

People who don't view "pets" as we do, cannot understand the devastation we feel when they're gone. I also feel sorry for your (ex) friend.

The windchimes...........I have no doubt that was your precious kitty talking. He loved you so much.

Stitch - that etching of Xian is going to be beautiful.

Well - I'm in tears now myself for some reason......

Take care.
Lynn

Kate,
I'm so glad your baby came to visit you to let you know he is ok. I lost Romeo back in late November and the hardest thing for me was that I never got to say goodbye to him as his death was entirely unexpected. If you would like to know Romeo's story, here is the link: http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...&hl=&#entry5871

Anyway, my experiences after his death are similar to yours. I've only had 2 dreams I remember. In the 1st, there was a cat that was exactly like Romeo but in the dream I knew he was dead and that it couldn't be him. But in the 2nd dream, it WAS Romeo and he just lay down with me the way he always did and cuddled the way he always did. I did not wake up sad either. While I wish Romeo would come and visit me more, he hasn't, and as I've thought about it, I believe he came to say goodbye to me, because that is what I needed. I guess he has moved on now but I still would like him to come visit me.

I got a new kitten in the beginning of February. He is a male polydactyl tabby and he is a sweetheart. The one thing I've learned is that adding new animals does not make us forget our old ones. If anything, the new kitty makes me remember things about Romeo that I had forgotten, and I am thankful for that. I see so many on this site who talk about their new babies and how they still miss their old babies. I don't think any of us will ever stop missing our old babies, and those of us who thought a new baby would make the pain go away find out that nothing will ever take the place of our babies who have left us. But it is ok to love another who needs to be loved and I can live with the sadness and the longing I still feel for Romeo. Your "shrine" to your baby is a beautiful thing and I hope you will continue to awake happy when you think of him.

Best of luck to you in continuing on with your life and may you one day give the love you have to another animal who needs it.

Steve

Here is a picture of Valentino, the new kitty in my life:

Hi all,

Wow, Valentino is SUCH a charmer! Ya know he's going to have attitude... "I'm a kitten and I've got thumbs! Take that!"

I'm sitting here grinning with a tear running down my cheek... wasn't feeling so hot and I laid down for a little bit... and Mr. Zen came to visit me. I got to waller him all around, had him picked up and rubbed my face on his big furry belly.

Turns out, mom was gardening while I was in bed, she said the chimes were ringing even though there was no wind.

Guess Mr. Zen decided to visit us both today.

Now I'm going to head back outside. Spook, a little black cat with about thirty different names, including FatDirtCat, is so covered in dust that she looks grey. I can't miss out on all the fun!

Kate