I just wanted to thank you for your replies on Kiwi....he is still so dear to my heart and I think my greif is growing stronger everyday but at the same time it gets easier..if that make sense?

I miss him so..and I found some pics of him when I was in high school and it made me so sad...he looked so strong....and thinking about him and how he looked this past weekend brings tears to my eyes...

I have had a horrible year with the death of my dad...trying to make it short..I'm from California....went to LBSU for a while then moved to Oregon...went to UofO for a while and then moved to MIchigan...Kiwi was with me the whole time (and Sierra except HS) when I came here my dad moved in with me a year later he lost his job in Cali...I supported him the whole time I was an undergrad through student loans and bartending...I never thought the day would come when I would get my PhD...although I don't have it yet...I just passed my boards...

When my dad moved in with me...he was so happy to see Kiwi...he was so proud to see how well I had taken care of both cats but he always had a fondness for Kiwi as do I (don't get me wrong we love Sierra)....it just goes back to High school and my dad cooking dinner for me and kiwi bringing his soccer ball up to whatever he was cooking and droping the ball from his mouth into the pan....those type of things.

So to have both gone from my life is breaking me apart....when my future to be is finally happening neither are around....I'm so sad...yes, thank god I have Sierra she is a sweetie...but in her own way..... I adopted her from a cat show at the Rose Bowl in Cali, and instead of buying a pure breed I went to the shelter area and there was a kitten (9 mo actually) and she was clawing at the cage it said "Do not seperate" well she was seperated and as it turns out severly beaten, so I took her anyways and I love her so...but to this day if I move my hand the wrong way she runs...so she's not very affectionate....not like Kiwi....so I guess I don't know what I'm trying to say..I'm just sad but getting better..and I guess that Kiwi had been a great support to me...and Sierra although I love her and she is a sweetie in her own way, is no way making me feel any better about Kiwi.......I'm sorry for babbling but I just needed to get my thoughts out...thank you for listening

I so relate to what you are saying -- it is scary. My babies were with me throughout my undergraduate career and graduate school. I finally finished my Ph.D. work, got the job I wanted in the place I wanted and all my babies -- and my grandma (to whom I was very close) off and died.

During the height of my mourning, all I did was read pet loss stuff. And one thing I read said something about pets seeing us through certain journeys in our lives, certain periods / phases. And mine certainly did... it's like once I finished grad school, and entered the real grown up world -- off they went. And in a way its kind of comforting to think that they were given to me to help me through the struggle that is grad school... but then I feel guilty like: if I hadn't moved on and finished, then they wouldn't have either...

I also know what you mean about the bond being different. We lost Saki before Electra... and Saki -- she was just so extra special to me. For 12 years I held that cat for at least 8 hours a day (as she always slept with me). Electra was just like Sierra-- if you'd cough or shift positions or move in the wrong way, off she'd fly... And it is NOT that I wished lec had gone first (although Tim accused me of such in his grief)... its just that... I just had a closer relationship with Saki...

One happy thought: your dad must've been overjoyed to see Kiwi at the bridge. I'm sure there is a stove and a pan and a soccer ball up there! And they are loving each other and taking care of each other...

Another happy thought: CONGRATULATIONS ON PASSING YOUR BOARDS!

Still, you have suffered tragic losses and I know the joy of the accomplishment is mixed in with all the grief. Please take gentle tender care of yourself.

Love,
Jennifer

Hi Jenifer, thank you for understanding, I know I ramble on and on.....

That's funny that you mentioned my dad meeting Kiwi at the bridge...when I made the decision to put Kiwi to sleep....I prayed, more like pleaded, to my dad as I held Kiwi and asked him to be there for Kiwi, I wanted Kiwi and him to meet right away and be together...oh gosh that thought is bringing me to tears, I have this overwhelming sense of feeling that he was there for Kiwi and that they are watching over me....

Thank you, Leandria