Since Moose was hit by the car, my life has been upheavled. I wanted to leave this town, and did because of the losses that I have had over the last ten years. I went to eastern WA. and went to stay with a girlfriend that I have known over 20yrs. The weather was uplifting ..in the 70's Well, it only took 4 days and something stupid like the fact I used my own coffee pot, and I packed my things and came back to the west side of the cascades. When I have enough money saved to go there and get into my own place right away I will go back. I am a middle aged lady now and it is not an easy thing to pack my home and go and stay with friends. I am a nester by nature and need my own home.
It has been almost five months since my Moose has been gone, I have had a hard time getting grounded since.
Birch Bay, the place where Moose and I have all our memories, the place I never wanted to see again because the memories hurt, looking at the beeches he pranced onloving the shallow warm waters. The lord has placed me in a cabin on the beach , I sit here at my computer looking out the window at the beach. It is strangely enough bringing me some peace, The sound of the waves and where we had our dance under the heavens..... it is starting to feel like the things I wanted to run from are the things that seem to be bringing me the most peace, but also tears sad tears. I have made my mind up on the first warm day and when the tide is way out there, I am going to go scatter my Mooses ashes and SET HIM FREE I will keep some to have always. I will walk out alone and say my goodbye. Something I have not been able to do...I HATE GOODBYES.
I learned from my trip to Yakima that my grief for Moose is going to follow me where ever I go.
I've wasted a couple of weeks trying to find my way through this, I am relieved to have left the home and the road that Moose and I last lived on, I dont have to see the spot he was hit daily.
I have not been on the computer much these last few weeks because I felt uncomfortable tying my friends phone line up, now I can do some catching up here.
Life is a struggle sometimes and the losses great, we search for answers within our own mind. I can feel my divine father, guiding my steps and helping me to learn to live this next chapter of this blessed life. Pamela

Pamela,

I have retyped this 5 times. I know how you feel I have been there to many times.

When I got to that point I need to get out of it I started looking into getting another dog. Only because that is what was best for me. It my not be what you need but focusing on something to look forward to might be a step forward.

Always know that Moose's love he gave you will always be in your heart and he will be with you in Spirit. I truly believe that.

Best Wishes,
Vicki

Dear Pamela,

When I read that you were going to spread Moose's ashes at the beach, it made me cry. I know how hard it is to let them go, but spreading his ashes will be such a healing thing. After seeing that picture of Moose playing in the ocean, I think that's what he would want.

You continue to be in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Dear Pamela,

So glad to see you back again!
You have certainly been through SO many changes in your life right now. I understand how lost you feel without your precious Moose.

I, too, cried when I read that you are going to spread his ashes in the water at the beach, during low tide. Oh my, what a BEAUTIFUL ceremony that will be for him! I also agree with Kathleen that it will a HUGE step towards healing for you.

I do so hope that one day soon you will provide a loving home to another beautiful furbaby. We have our little Brandy and she's certainly NOT Rachael, but she has brought us new joy and given us new direction in life. It is SO wonderful to focus your love and attention to another furbaby. She does SO many things that Rachael used to do!!!!! I can't tell you how many times my husband and I will see her do something and say out loud, "Rachael"! Believe it or not, those little behaviors that Brandy does like Rachael have become SUCH a big comfort to us. Someday when you decide to bring home another little "baby", you will probably feel some of the same comfort.

God Bless you Pamela, as you struggle to find your place in life now.
We are ALL here for you!
Cheri

Dear Pamela,
If you are able to let go of your little boys ashes I can't think of a better place than in the ocean that he loved so much. I believe Moose would really like to have his ashes there. Should you change your mind you just keep him with you for as long as you need too. I plan to keep my Snookie with me always.

It sounds like it would be lovely staying in a cabin by the water, I think that would be real calming to the soul. Just let God lead you to where He wants you to be. I know sometimes we feel a little lost at times and don't know which way to turn. Yet God will place you where He wants you to be in His time. His time is always the right time.
Love, Ann

Dear Pamela,
I hope you find comfort in knowing that you will see your precious Moose someday. In the meanwhile if you feel your ready you may want to consider adopting a furbaby. I did just that after losing my baby Duchess & It has been a very good experience. I've been so busy with my recent adoption of Cocoa & she has lifted my spirits. My feelings for Duchess are intense & she will always be in my heart & NEVER BE FORGOTTON
Adopting Cocoa was the right thing to do because she needed a good home & loving parents not to mention the fact that she has brought me alot of happiness. To think I've only had her for 20 day's & this puppy has already found her way into my heart.
You have such a big heart & I am sure that you will have room for another puppy that needs your love.
So when your ready -- go for it -- you won't be sorry
***OOO
Bernadette
Duchess & Cocoa's Mommy

The time was not wasted, maybe you wouldnt be at peace with the sound of the waves yet if you had not had those two weeks.

Grief is a strange thing and what helps to heal us and what helps us to move on are mysteries.

Love Sue

Hi Pamela,

Thinking of you and sorry that your move didn't turn out as you'd hoped. I, too think it's a wonderful idea to scatter some of Moose's ashes in the ocean that he loved. It won't be easy but it sure seems like the right thing to do and I know it will bring you peace.

Love,
Lynn

I sure have missed being able to be on line daily~ You guys have helped me keep grounded, sometimes I feel like a ping pong ball. But I have to say I feel better having gone away for a little while.
I am drawn to this place for some reason, the place just a few short months ago I did not want to ever see again.... it seems so calming to me now, the sound of the waves, the waves that have been there for so many life spans. Just ironic that I ended up here.
It is improtant to me to keep some of Mooses ashes close to me, but also to say..... "goodbye until we meet again my friend I will never forget you, I will carry you in my mind and my heart until the day I die. Thank you, Thank you Thank you................." Pamela