adopted a stray about 2 years ago. He was in bad shape, his eyes were infected and constantly running, he was emaciated and traumatized.

He literally did not have a mean bone in his body. God knows how he stayed so sweet, because I knew he had been abused-- he flinched at sudden movements and ran away from people. But I didn't know the extent of it until I took him to the vet and they found he had been shot twice, years ago, one shot breaking his leg.

I fed him and gave him antibiotics and this straggly looking stray turned into an attractive silver-gray tabby with a shy but very sweet disposition.

But last week he was diagnosed with pervasive cancer--the vet said without treatment he only had two weeks to live--with chemo he might or might not go into remission. I thought at the time "well, he's suffered enough," so I gave permission for euthanasia. Now I feel guilty because I wonder if I should have given him a chance to live.

He finally got where he was happy and I don't understand why this had to happen.

I feel like I don't want to live with this. I don't want to go in my house because everything reminds me of him. I can't stop crying and feeling guilty over things, such as leaving him outside in the cold too long during the winter, not taking him to the vet sooner, not providing him with more little privileges.

I believe he was too good for me but I was getting better at taking care of him only to lose him. I can't function and I am at the end of my rope. Is this normal? How does one cope with this?

Margo, I am so sorry that your baby boy got cancer and had to be put to sleep. It sounds as though the poor boy didn't stand much of a chance to recover. You did what you thought was best and was the right thing to do. You gave him the gift of a pain free life. Most all of us feel guilty over things we did do or didn't do.

Time seems to lessen the pain and the guilt and I think it is normal to feel some guilt since once they are gone we cannot change things. Just know that there must have been many wonderful things that you did do in the 2 years you had your boy. He must have known how much you loved him in that time.

I don't know why I lost both my girls so close together either and it has been so hard for me to deal with. I just take one step at a time and am trying to continue on with my life with out my girls. I still cry often too and things will never be the same. Somehow we learn to live without them and our hearts go on beating. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy.
Ann

I don't think you should feel guilty. You adopted him when he was in very bad condition...how many people would do that? You nursed him back to health and gave him something it sounds like he never had...a happy home. It was a brave decision you made not to let him suffer anymore. At least when his end came he was loved and adored, instead of being abused and left to die in a shelter. You did a wonderful thing by taking him in...and now you've stopped him from suffering again.

Margo-

Margo-
My lab Lucy was also diagnosed with an aggressive terminal cancer at age 5 and we were given the option of chemo. I loved that dog like she was my own child, but in the end, we opted not to do the chemo. Lucy's cancer was so advanced, and I know the multiple trips to the vet would have been very stressful for her. We put her on prednisone instead, which gave her energy and a great appetite during her final month. It gave us a little extra "quality" time with her, which I will always cherish. After we had her put down, I felt some guilt about not doing the chemo, but we tried to make the decision that Lucy would have wanted. You did the best you could for your baby, and he knew that. Don't be so hard on yourself during this already difficult time. He wouldn't want you to beat yourself up. Take care...this is a normal part of the grieving process...

Caroline