Hi-

I haven't posted in awhile but as I have been dealing with the grieving process, I have noticed something that I am curious about. My lab Lucy died about 5 weeks ago, and while I know I am not ready for a new dog right now, I find myself obsessively searching local shelter websites and pet ads. I think I miss having Lucy so much that I want the presence of a dog, any dog, so badly because I think it will take some of the pain away. I am not even sure what I am really searching for...all I know is that for some reason, I keep looking to see what kind of cats and dogs there are out there. Then I get into a sad place by looking at all of these sweet faces who desperately need to be adopted and I know I cannot save them. So not only am I grieving Lucy, but I find myself grieving for all of these nameless animals, mainly because common wisdom tells me that many of them will be euthanised as there are simply not enough homes available for them. I feel helpless, just like I did when the vet told me that Lucy had advanced lymphoma. Total and utter helplessness...

I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced this after the loss of their furbaby. Why am I doing this to myself?

Thanks for listening...Caroline

Hi Caroline it is good to see you again. I have my little Schnitzel and my daughter gave me her toy poodle Gypsy Rose plus 2 of her kitties. Little Amber that we almost lost right after Chili Bean died and Cinny Amber's son. So now I have them to call my own.

My daughter Paula has 3 other cats and 2 dogs so she was over run with babies and could not give them all medical care plus she works double shifts. But I still look up other dogs too. I love all of them that I have but I think I am searching for one who will take over my heart and soul again.

Maybe you are getting ready to open your heart to a new love like so many of us have done. We all know they will never take the place of the ones we lost. Yet many of us have posted our new babies fill our hearts with love and make the pain more bearable. I know we cannot save the world but the one we save might become our world, or close to the one we miss so much.
Love, Ann

I know I am nowhere near ready to get another pup, but I still find myself looking at rescue sites for Italian greyhounds. It usually makes me cry and miss my baby, but it also reminds me that I gave my baby a great life and a happy home filled with love.

Like Ann said I think you look for that baby who will steal your heart again. I myself am nowhere near ready for that, but it gives me a bit of comfort to know that, when I am, I will be able to give a home to a pup who really needs one.

Dear Caroline,

It's great to see you stopping by again!

You are doing a VERY normal thing right now. I did the very same thing too. I browsed the internet over and over again, looking at the furdogs that needed a good home. Many dogs and stories just broke my heart. I didn't think it at the time, but maybe like Ann said, I was looking for that one special dog to grab my heart again. I know I was thinking I wanted to sponser a dog and I had started making contributions in Rachael's name.

Well, I found one that just grabbed me through the computer screen! I remember posting in here at the time about it. I found a black lab mix female that had a TERRIBLE beginning to her sweet life! She had been abused, she had recently recovered from parvo, she had been treated for a broken leg, etc.... Her sweet little face haunted me! I tried over and over again to get in touch with the shelter about adopting her, but they were in the next state and I couldn't get anyone to respond. When I finally got a response, I discovered that she had just been adopted. Although I was VERY happy to see that she did get a new home, I was disappointed that I couldn't give her one. I still remember her name and can picture her sweet little face.

I think a part of you is preparing for giving another precious furbaby a good home. I think this a good sign You are a loving and caring person that would NEVER abuse or hurt an animal. These furbabies NEED people like us to treat them as wonderful as they treat us.

As Ann stated, several of us have other furbabies, and have gotten furbabies since we lost our special "children". They are nothing like the ones we lost, but they DO provide tons of love and laughter again.

Keep stopping by and let us know if you end up adopting

Cheri

Dear Caroline,
I did the same exact thing you are doing now.
My baby Duchess died of a sudden illness -- We took her to the vet on Monday Jan 31st & she died on Friday Feb 4th
We though it was something she would recover from as my husband & I were having dinner on Friday we were celebrating the fact that her operation was successful & would soon be coming home.
It was then that the vet called to say that she was in cardiac arrest for the third time & was being revived as we spoke. He then called us back 5 mins later to tell us that if we wanted to see her alive we had better get to the hospital right away. I practically
collapsed on the floor with the phone in my hand. My husband had to finish the quick conversation as I sat on the stairs in shock. Well the rest is history
Anyway.... 12 days later on the 16th I was on the net looking for pet adoptions when I found this site called 1-800-save-a-pet. We saw this Chocloate Lab mix call Cocoa -- she was listed as being 8 months old -- up to date on shots -- 90% housebroken --& would be spayed upon adoption. I remember saying to my husband " Awww! look at this baby Chocolate Lab she is so cute!" He immediately filled out an adoption form & we received a call 5 days later. They do a background check on all the information provided to them on the adoption form. Her foster dad called to say that he got rave reviews from our Veterinarian as to our loving care of our baby Duchess throughtout her short life with us (she died before she turned 5 from a hereditary cancer found in flat coated retrievers-- we later found out So he came to our house with Cocoa to do a last check on what will be her new enviornment-- Well the rest is history
She has been with us since the 20th of Feb & is adjusting very well to her new home.
[SIZE=7][[SIZE=1]COLOR=red][SIZE=7] Here is the important part as far as adoption:
My first impression was to panic because now I had to give my attention to a puppy when all I wanted to do was sit & cry over my loss.
I was feeling very upset because I might have made this decision too soon.
I forgot what it was like to have a puppy in the house & again I wondered if I did the right thing.
My feelings of betrayel to my Duchess ran deep in my veins & I was very emotional.
My husband bonded with her right away & this upset me even more
I could not bring myself to look at her for the first few days.
She must have knowned it because she pretty much stayed away from me the first week. I posted on LS FOR DAY'S AGONIZING OVER MY QUICK DECISION TO ADOPT
Then one day she came over to me & jumped in my lap & put her head on my chest & fell peacefully asleep. The rest is history.... Now that I think of it -- THAT WAS -- the very day she found her way into my heart
My advise to you Carolyn is --- to remember that while having a new furbaby can make all the difference in the world....you will go through alot of different emotions
but just hang in there. This new furbaby will bring you out of you deep depression. Your heart will always remember but it is big enough to have room for another.
This is a VERY VALUABLE lesson I 've just learned for myself.
Good Luck to you my friend:)
Bernadette -- Duchess & Cocoa's Mommy

Hey Caroline,
I agree with the things the others said here too. I personally have done all the things you mentioned, and I still do them. I go to Petfinders.com a lot, and I have been to the Humane Society several times. I did adopt two little dogs from the shelter about 3 months after Hannah died, and I still have the 8-year old poodle I adopted, but I had to find another home for the other little dog.

Still, I look at those sites and I look in the shelter because I am looking everywhere for a little dog that looks like Hannah. I can't explain this really, but I think everyone will understand. I just keep thinking -- you know, for one thing, maybe she's "come back" as another little one. I'm not sure I even believe in reincarnation, but I still look. Another reason I look is to confirm what I already do believe 100% is that all animals are as different and unique as humans are.

So, I guess it's the same as seeing a person who reminds you of someone you love and especially someone who has died -- like my daddy -- a couple of times I've seen someone who had eyes that resembled his, and it felt good to see that.

I too get very depressed and sad that I can't save all the little ones at the shelter and I usually come home and cry about it too and feel so helpless. But we aren't totally helpless in that respect -- there are things we can do. I volunteer for a couple of animal groups and have fostered some animals until they could get a good home. Every little thing we do helps. For every animal at the shelter that is adopted, two lives are saved -- the one that was adopted and the one who gets the space that was opened. So, even if someone isn't ready to get another animal on a permanent basis, sometimes they are able to foster, and this is such a huge help. I have been able to foster 5 kittens/cats and one dog, and was able to let them go to good homes -- all but one -- I did HAVE to keep one little kitty whose name is now Sophie/Sophia.

I constantly scan the streets as I'm driving looking for that little tiny black dog. I keep thinking she'll be there or another one like her. For one thing, a counselor I talked to a couple of times has a little dog named "Itty Bitty," and she did find her in the road in the dark! And she does look a lot like Hannah. That was incredible too because I really haven't, in all my searching, seen any little ones that resemble her really.

I remember someone on this site saying that she went out soon after her kitty died and scowered the alleys looking for a homeless cat. I don't really remember the rest of the story, but ... it fits.

We are not alone, and I do hope that makes you feel better.
Love,
Marcia

Two weeks after Jesse died I found myself at the SPCA, looking at all of the abandoned animals - I cried all the way home on the subway, thinking about how lost they looked.

I'm not sure why we do this to ourselves... But I DO know that it made me realize I will never buy from a breeder - I will "rescue" animals from being put to sleep and make THEM a part of my family instead.

Hi, Caroline-

Shortly after Shiloh died I, too, found myself searching petfinder.com looking for a puppy that looked like Shiloh. What you're going through is completely normal. I think you'll know when the time is right to get a new puppy. I had full intentions of waiting until this summer to get another dog, but when little Koda found his way into my life 6 weeks ago, I knew that time was right. He's definitely not a Shiloh replacement, and I still miss her terribly, but he does make me smile.

You continue to be in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Hi Caroline, I lost Smokey around the same time as your loss. I feel the same way. Lately I have been missing him so badly and crying a little more than usual.
My husband and I just bougt a new puppy, an italian greyhound, her name is daisy. I love her but mt heart still misses Smokey so. I hope you feel better and know that someone else feels the same.

Kelly

Thanks everyone- it was helpful for me to see that I wasn't alone. Today we decided to adopt a stray dog from the shelter. A leap of faith I guess, but it felt right. We want to help another dog in Lucy's memory. She would want us to do that. I don't know where I would be in the grieving process had it not been for this website.

Caroline

Caroline,

Congrats on the new addition. She/he will help you through the grieving process but she won't replace Lucy but she will help to fill the emptiness. What a great testament to the relationship you had with Lucy that you are willing to give another little fur-butt a home. Lucy is no doubt smiling now.

Hugs,
Beth

I'm new here, but I strongly encourage you to find a no-kill shelter and volunteer. You will be helping abandoned animals, and fullfilling your need to be around them. Eventually, there will be one animal who you will connect with and you will know it's right. There really is no better way to get another pet. In fact, you could end up with more than one, like me!