I am ever so glad to have found this site!!! I haven't even been able to read much of what is being said, but from what I have seen this is a place I need to be right now.

Tomorrow, 4 March, around 13h30, my very dearly loved cat, Shanti, will be put to sleep. I am a passionate animal lover, have had numerous beloved pets put to sleep in the past, yet never have I felt such deep, intense, excruciating pain as this time!

Its a long story but I won't bore you with the details. Briefly, I moved to the UK from South Africa in May 2003, and brought my three very special cats with me. They were wonderful through their quarantine, and settled very well once they were able to come home to me.

Shanti's problems started almost a year ago, and from what seemed to be an allergic reaction to an insect bite she has just become more and more stresed and ill, both mentally and physically. We have never been able to ascertain exactly what the problem is, and it steadily became more and more complex. This week she has deteriorated at a horrifying rate, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is the right time to let her go ...

My heart is totally broken. My entire being is deeply, deeply pained. But I know I have to give this final gift of release and freedom to my beloved little girl.

She will be cremated on Monday, and when I next go back to South Africa I will take her home, where she belongs. I will scatter her ashes on a mountainside in Grahamstown, where I scattered the ashes of my beloved husband 15 years ago

I know my pain will ultimately ease, but I will never forget this phenomenal little creature!!

What a great privilege to have been your mommy for almost 9 years, and to have shared your amazing life with you.

My darling Shanti ... your spirit will be set free my angel ... but you will always live deep within my heart ...

I'm so sorry you have to let your precious girl go. Better, though, to let her go in peace, so I fully agree with your decision.

I've just recently lost a cat... it's been about a week since Mr. Zen was taken from my life. I know exactly what you mean about having experienced pain before, but this being a new pain, wholly different and far more intense.

If it's any comfort, even now I'm able to look back at my memories of my Zencat and smile about how wonderful it was to have him in my life. And you, too, will soon be left with warm memories in place of the pain you are now feeling.

We're here for you if you need to talk.

You're in my thoughts...

Kate

so sorry to hear about shanti. you have come to a good place. like you, i was bewildered by the pain that i was feeling when i was losing my kitty. it is such a new and painful experience to so many of us. i have learned a lot from this and have "met" some wonderful people on this forum. it is so amazing that these people who don't even know you are in so much pain themselves, yet take time from their day to offer words of comfort and advice. this is a great place.
i love the idea that shanti's ashes will be scattered where your husband's were. that is special. be strong, my thoughts are with you, ah

Thanks so very much for your care and support at this very very difficult time.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have made the right decision for my very precious little girl, and that I will be comforted knowing that she is set free from this battered and weary little body that has caused her so much distress and unhappiness in the past few months.

It will take time to heal, and this time round it is so different for me because, although I have the most wonderful family and friends, they are literally scattered all over the world, and of the friends I have in the UK they are also mostly living in all the various far reaches of the country. But I will be strong for Shanti, and I must also continue to be strong for my other two darling kitties, Austin and Little Patch

It is nearly midnight here, and I must try to get some sleep. I will be back again tomorrow to chat here.

Thanks for everything

Avril

Avril, I will be praying for you and the loss of your precious Shanti as you help her cross over. I know even though she will be out of pain you will began a journey of pain yourself. Your plans sound so wonderful after you take her home with you. I know how very sad it is to give a baby up. Cry all the tears you need to and come and talk often.
Ann

Avril, please know that when you take Shanti to give her that beautiful gift of love that we're all with you in spirit. Yes, it will be an extremely difficult thing for you, but it's the best thing you could ever do for her... to let her be at peace, free of pain and illness.

Stay strong, Avril and know that we're here to share this with you. Am giving a kiss on the top of Shanti's beautiful little head from afar.

Hugs,

Pat

I'm so sorry that you have to say goodbye to your dear friend. It is so hard to lose them.

I'm glad that you have found this site. The people here are wonderful.

It is so hard to lose our special friends. When their little bodies start to fail them and they are suffering, it is our act of love to let them cross. It is so heartbreaking. I do believe that when they cross over they are with us in spirit. My thoughts and prayers are with you and shanti....

Kim

Dear Avril,

Thinking of you at this most difficult time. It's a very touching tribute to your precious Shanti to scatter her ashes with your beloved husband's in South Africa.

Like others have said, come here often. We all understand your pain.

Hugs,
Lynn

My beautiful beautiful baby is being cremated this morning!!!

I can't even post here at the moment because my heart is so very broken!!! I know that I will heal with time, but right now I am completely and utterly devastated. I feel as if there are ao very many issues to work through and feel so very overwhelmed by it all. I have experienced the most amazing love, care and support at this time, but the hurting wont go away.

I have lost many many animals in the past, but this time round the pain is so much more excruciating! I suppose it also has something to do with being many thousands of miles away from home, and all I want is to be with my family right now

I have to go to work now, which is another nightmare thought. I cant even stay at home to grieve for my little girl and say Good Bye as she is finally cremated!!!

I will post some photos later of my very beautiful Shanti!

RIP my precious precious little girl!!!

Hi Avril, I am thinking of you and your little girl Shanti as she is being cremated. I know what a heartbreaking thing that is to go through. I am sending you warm hugs.
Ann

I feel truly overwhelmed by the wonderful spirit of warmth and love on this site. Thank you to each and every one who has been so very kind to me at this awful time in my life.

Today was extremely difficult for me, but I am through it now, and grateful that evening has come and I can be at home again with my other two very special kitties, Austin and Little Patch.

My beloved Shanti was cremated this morning, and by lunch time I received a phone call to let me know it was over, and that I can collect her ashes when I feel ready to do so. The very harsh reality of that really hit me hard, as I realised I will NEVER see of hold my darling girl again. But I guess it also comes with a sense of relief as well, having all this trauma behind me now. I still hurt like crazy, but must now slowly but surely try to put together the pieces of my broken heart and broken life once more.

I had such a wonderful card today from the two vets ( they are also South African) and the animal behaviourist that have been trying to help Shanti over the past year, since the start of her illness. I was deeply touched by their great kindness to me and Shanti, and was in floods of tears reading their card.

I am going to try to attach a photo of Shanti which was taken when my little chaps were in quarantine in Kent during 2003. She was one of the most stunning creatures imaginable, and I feel so very privileged that she chose ME to be her Mom in this life time

RIP my very precious angel ....

Dear Avril,

Shanti was simply beautiful.

I know that you miss her very much. At least you know that she's no longer suffering. Thinking of you.

Love,
Lynn

Dear Avril,

Your Shanti was absolutely adorable. I'm so sorry for you loss. I know you must miss her terribly.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Shanti is truly and angel... she has that aura! Now how beautiful is that picture?

wow avril, shanti is such a gorgeous cat! she has eyes that look right through you.
i hope that you are feeling better today. it's a process and it is hardest right after your loss. as you know, it will get better, but until then we are here for you. ah

Dear Avril!

Shanti was just beautiful and so adorable! I know how much you miss your sweet little kitty.

It will get easier, but never go away completely. Not that we would ever want to forget anything about our precious kitties, even the pain we feel at their loss. I hope that Shanti and Mijo are playing hide and seek and waiting until we can hold them in our arms again. June

I was off today and took the opportunity to collect Shanti's ashes. The experience has both shattered and comforted me ... it feels so strange!!!

In a way my heart is completely and utterly broken ... all over again ... to REALLY see that she is now reduced to the contents of this teeny tiny little urn. And yet, in a strange way I feel comforted to have brought her home again, and to have her back here with me, Austin and Little Patch.

I have no idea just when we will make her final trip together back to South Africa, but I have no doubt that it is the right thing to do, to scatter her ashes on that hillside in Grahamstown, her home town. Physically, that is where my beautiful baby belongs now ... and of course her precious memories will live deep down in my heart for ever!!

A truly beautiful beautiful Angel ....

Dear Avril,

I know exactly what you mean about picking up Shanti's ashes...it's kind of bitter sweet. It's good to have our furbaby home, but on the other hand it makes their death so final. And, like you said, seeing what our loved one has been reduced to is so difficult.

You're in my thoughts,
Kathleen