Hi ya, I must say I was so relieved to find a site like this, I hope I can heal through support of others who understand me..I am a 32 year old female who feels like a lost sad child all over again..I lost my pets (four in total) within a four year span..Tigger (cat)first to go was 16 yrs in March 2001,Lync(cat) was 13 yrs he left sept 2001,Ming(cat) was 15yrs (my baby who I watched being born) he left me Sept 2004 and my Shanna (dog rottweiller) 10yrs old who left me Nov 2004..My first two cats i was sad very sad , when they died but life eventually continued for me ...I am really having a hard time losing my Ming and my Shanna, Shanna most of all, she's the first dog I have owned to die..Even before she died friends would say I dont want to be around when Shanna goes it was that obvious how much I loved her.It sounds awful( i dearly loved all my pets) but my Shanna and Ming were my loves :-) I cry so much now, I try to hide from people how much I cry, as most people cannot understand how I feel, and i just feel silly crying around someone.To tell the truth I dont really have anyone to talk to about how hurt I am....I never in a million years thought life would be so cruel to take my friends from me so close together, my only solice is they must be all together now at the rainbow bridge.Shanna went through lukemia ,I prayed so much and went to church, I put holy water and oils over her, I did everything I could do..I have literally created a financial debt(which has added so much stress on my marriage) that I cannot get out of for a very long time(trying to save my furry friends)I feel so alone now, I remember Shanna as they put her to sleep, her paws were so swollen she cried, as they tried different paws for the euthanasia.I'll never forget how she lay there trusting me while they put her to sleep....Just minutes before she barked at the vet when he knocked to say it was time, till the end my dog who was in bad shape protected me..She would not eat for anyone, I would sit in her cage in her urine(i could not care at the time for my clothing, I just wanted to be near my friend and she was leaking badly) I whispered in her ear how much I love her and how special and wonderful she was, I told her I prayed to God that in her next life she deserved to be human not an animal at a humans mercy..I begged her to eat and she did, my dog did, but nothing could be done....as she lay dying at the vet my dog who loved and followed solely me everywhere,kept telling my husband something, she was very determined to tell him, the vet technician even noticed her trying to tell him something.In my heart I know now my dog knew she was dying and was telling my hubby to take care of me, she always worried about me my dog did!I am not working right now, during the day I am alone,I cry and hold my dogs urn, I cry even harder when I realize it's forever that I will never see her again...It's been about 4 months and the pain is not lessening, it is more intense, my heart feels sore, I can feel an ache inside me..I cannot go near her park where I walked her, often I turn to see my shadow dog and she is no longer there where she once was..I cry as i write this posting, my faithful friend after loving me so long only knew at the end that I was responsible for her hurt(at the vet) I hurt so much to know that she loved me and all I could do for her in the end was hurt her by trying to save her......Will my pain ever go away?????? Trish.....

Trish, first off I am sorry for all of your loss. It does seem like such a short time to endure so much.

Yes the pain will go away. We must take solace in the fact we did what we could for them There are so many things out of our control. We need to realize this. It is obvious to me how very special all of your animals were to you, so how could they not know how much you loved them....right to the end. They knew your love and they loved you back. You will heal and you will cry and you will laugh...............Things take time. 4 months is a blink and I still cry for all of the ones I lost. But I also smile when I think of them, and the tears come with good memories..more tears of joy than of loss.

There are so many people here who know what you are going through. We will help you through this. DON'T FEEL ALONE. And I encourage you to avoid putting distance between your husband and you. I am sure he has difficulties with the loss too, and probably hates to see you hurt so much. Don't forget to let him know how important he is to you also! The financial burdens will pass. There have been many adjustments my husband and I have made for our animals, and continue to make. In the end, it is worth it.

So..do you have nay animals that are still lucky to be in your life? I would love to hear about them. Martina

Hi Trish, I am so sorry for all the loss's you have been through. It is never easy when we love them with all our heart and then lose them. My husband and I spent a lot of money on our babies too, it was tough but we didn't mind doing it to try to save them. I still cry a lot too, some days are not real bad and other days I cry my eyes out. Maybe coming here and knowing you are not alone will help a lot.
Ann

Trish,

I'm so very, very sorry about your loss. Your words caused my tears to come again.

There's a post on here somewhere that contains a quote something like this...
We can see more through tears than we can through dry eyes. Your tears magnify your love for your sweet Shanna, I'm sure even now she knows how much you love her.

One thing that helped me through my loss was remember how happy my kitty was when I was happy. If I was sad, he would come to me to comfort me. I'm sure your beautiful dog would want you to feel comforted now. She would not want you to feel pain over her passing, she knows that you helped her be free of her torment and she wants you to get past your pain, too.

Easier said than done, right? I know.

Even so, your love for Shanna is a beautiful thing, as is your love for your furcats.

We are not their owners, we just protect them while we can. Every day they gave us was a gift.

Take heart, dear, the pain will subside. When it does, think back on the happy times with a smile and happy tears.

With love,

Kate

trish, i could feel the pain oozing from your post - i'm so sorry that you are going through this. i think your pain still feels so fresh because you have not had the chance to talk to anyone about it. it makes such a huge difference. this forum is the only way that i have maintained my sanity through the loss of my kitty.
shanna sounds like such a special pet. it's obvious that you loved her very much. i like to use this quote a lot and i'm not sure exactly who quoted it first, but it goes like this....
you took on shanna's pain so that she could be without pain.
how special is that? yes, you are hurting so much now, but shanna is not. you did that for her, and she loves you so much for that. be strong, ah

Dear Trish,

I am so very sorry about your beloved Shanna (and the loss of your precious kitties also). What a wonderful friend Shanna was to try to tell your hubby to take care of you. That is so touching and it says so much about the special bond you shared. It will definately help you to come here often and express how you feel. We all know exactly what you're going through and will help you get through.

Thinking of you,

Hugs,
Lynn