This is my first year away from home at college. My dad called me two weeks ago and told me that he had to put my cat Figaro to sleep. I was just devastated . I've had Figgy since I was five years old. He's been my best friend in the whold world for 16 years. I know he was old, but when I left for college, for the most part he seemed pretty healthy. Our other cat lived to be 18, so I thought maybe he still had a couple of years left at least. I missed him so much durring my weeks away at college. I'd try to come home during weekends as much as I could. My dad would tell me that he was worried about Figgy, that he might be getting sick, and he was getting very skinny. But everytime I went home I was so happy to see him, and he seemed happy to see me, and he'd sit on my lap and purr just like always so I thought he was still okay. I guess looking back on it. He did look pretty sick, but I just couldn't imagine life without him, so I just didn't want to see it before.
Like I said, I'd try to come home on weekends as much as I could, about every other week or so, but I had been so busy with schoolwork and my internship that I had to stay up for nearly a month straight. My dad was getting ready for a trip to New Zeland with his girlfriend, and he told me he'd taken Figgy to the vet to see if he'd be okay while my dad was gone, with just somebody coming in once a day to feed him and make sure his litter box was clean, but the vet told him that he was too sick and they had to put him to sleep. I was so sad for several days after I heard this. During the first two days i couldn't do anything. Then throughout the week I started to feel a little better. I was doing okay and coping pretty good for several days but today it just hit me again all of a sudden.
I feel so horrible. I feel like I abandoned him. I should've gone home sooner. What if he died thinking I abandoned him? I know he's at peace now. That he's happy in kitty heaven but I just wish their was some way I could see him again. To be sure he knows how much I love him and that I didn't mean to be gone so long. I'm not doing so hot in my classes anyways, I feel like I shouldn't be here. I just feel so lost.
I was trying to find something that I could read to chear me up and that's how found this website. I'm sorry if this post is hard to read, I can't type so well right now, I'm still pretty upset.
Thank you for listening.

Rachelle, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your Figgy. Don't be too harsh on yourself...no matter what we do (or try to do) for our furry loved ones, we never think it is or was enough. We always think there's something more we could have done. The ups and downs are pretty much par for the course. I think we all go through the phases of thinking that we're starting to feel better, only to be rudely surprised by the days of pain that follow.
Figgy knows you loved him.

Thinking of you,

Hi Rachelle,

Figaro, what a great name for a great cat. What did your Figgy look like?

Your sweet Figaro knows how much you love him. I bet there were bunches of times when you were sad and he would come in to comfort you. I know it's hard to not have him there with you now.

I remember what it was like when I left my kitties at home... I, too, lost a kitty when I was gone. The little white cat by my name, that's Kitty Turbo Tiger Lily. I was in Germany when she died. I thought to myself, "I should have been there... "

In the end, there are many things we would like to change, but we can't. Don't feel guilty about not being there... you're in college to improve yourself, to make your life better. And, years later when your life IS better, you'll have just that much more love for all the soft furs that come into your life.

Work hard in your classes. I'm just now going back to school at nearly 29 and it's tough, but it's worth it. It seems impossible for me to work on papers that I've got due, but I'm going to force myself to do it. My kitty, Mr. Zen, would want me to do well.

Oh honey, I know how you feel. It's so very hard to go on with our lives without our best friends there with us. Someday, though, we'll see them again.

Kate

First off, please do not be so hard on yorself. We do what we can when we can. You showed so much love for so long, he knew he was loved. Of that I have no doubt. One of the beauties of life is that it is constantly changing. We grow up, we go to school, we move. We have wonderful people come in and go out of our lives. We have wonderful animals do the same. What a tradgedy if every day and every experience was a familiar one. Where would the zest for lfe be!
Figgy did not spend his days feeling betrayed, trust me. His life was an ever changing one too! He spent his days content with any changes knowing you loved him. That is what makes the experiences treasures instead of trials. It sounds like your dad took good care of him and made a wise decision. You have nothing to feel bad about. It will be hard for awhile. This is normal. But don't give up on school or anything else. Figgy is somewhere better right now....and he would not want you to give up a great experience/opportunity on his account. He wants you to take each challenge and embrace it. Remember the good time with him, all will be well. Martina

Rachelle-

I am sorry for the loss of your kitty Figaro. When I was in grad school, my cat Bridget that I had all during high school/ college passed away suddenly at a fairly young age. I felt incredibly sad and horribly guilty. I felt that I had not been there for her in the end as I lived a couple hours away at the time. It was so hard to get through! I remeber it even though it was almost 10 years ago. I just lost my lab 3 weeks ago and again, it crushed me like a ton of bricks. Grief can do that to you. Take the time to grieve. Some days will be better than others. Think of what a life you gave Figaro. He probably couldn't/ wouldn't have asked for anything more from such a caring and wonderful "mom." Hang in there...I promise it will at least get somewhat easier to bear...

Caroline

Thank you everyone for your support. It's still really hard, but I think I can pull through. I just still can't believe he's gone. Like I said, I've had him since I was five years old, I can hardly remember a time when I didn't have him.
He was the cutest sweetest kitty. He was a black and white tuxedo kitty with a pink nose. I thought he looked like the cartoon kitty from the Disney movie Pinnocio, that's why I named him Figaro, after that kitty.
He had a really cute way of walking. He'd trot around kind of like a horse does, with his tail sticking strait up in the air. Everybody loved him. Even people who didn't like cats liked Figaro.
I had a dream the other night, where I went home and Figgy was there to greet me just like always. I was so happy, I thought he'd come back to life again. In my dream he seemed a lot healthier he was running around and jumping and playing just like he did when he was younger. When I woke up, I was sad that it was a dream, but I felt a little better. I think maybe that really was Figaro in my dream, telling me that he's okay, that he's happy where he is.
It's still going to take a while though. I want to post a picture on the tributes page but I don't have many with me in my dorm. I still don't trust myself to look at his pictures with out crying too hard, but maybe later.

Hi Rachelle, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Figaro. I know it must be so hard for you since you have been with him for as long as you can remember. It was a wonderful dream that you had. I do believe he was telling you he really was fine. Oh how cute that he trotted like a horse and had his tail sticking up in the air. It is so painful when we no longer have them with us.
Ann

figaro sounds like a doll! i'm sorry that he is no longer with you. our experiences with the loss of cats is similar. i am 24, just graduated college 2 yrs ago, and have had my kitty since i was 10. like you, i don't hardly remember a time in my life when kitty wasn't there. she was with me through so much - high school and college, getting a job and moving away from home. i'm sorry that you didn't get to say good-bye to your figgy - but i'm sure that he knows how much you love him. you have shown him for so many years. he does not blame you for not being there, i'm sure. we are human, we have responsibilities - right now yours is going to class.
although it hurts so much right now, you will reach a point when you can look back at all of the times that you spent with your precious figaro and smile instead of cry. for a long time i couldn't look at the picture of kitty i have at work without breaking down. now i look at it all the time and smile when i think about all of the silly things that she used to do. be strong, ah