My SallieMae died in the very early morning 2/24/05. I had spent the whole day of the 23rd nursing her and praying she would get better. Sallie had had two surgeries in one month first a Mastcell tumor was removed from a muscle in her hip and then her spleen because she had a large growth on it, later we found that there was another growth both of which were negative for cancer. She came back from the surgery wonderfully and she was doing very well. I stayed with her everyday after her surgery all day to make sure she was safe. on the 10th day my husband and I left to go have some dinner when we got home she was limping. I figured she tried to get on my bed and too weak, she fell, we'll never know for sure. The following day she could hardly walk and would not take food or water and by mid day she did not walk at all and was writhing in pain we rushed her to the vet and they took xrays and found no broken bones, but some signs of infection. They sent us home with yet another round of antibiotics and pain killers. later that night she just laid there not able to sleep except a little and then she would jerk awake as if something had poked her really hard. I felt so helpless. I called the vet in the morning and he sent over a food supplement to see if she could hold it down, she did. she even wagged her tail and seemed okay. I managed to get her up and take a few steps she went potty and it was bloody. we were scared but, figured we'd wait until morning to take her in. I was able to feed her 2oz of this liquid supplement at a time so I figured I give her a little before we went to bed, she threw up and it was horrible, it was all blood. I called the emergency and they told me to wait until the AM to take her to the vet but I couldn't, I took her in. I think in my heart I knew that this was it. I didn't want to let her go. I was devastated when the doctor said she might get through the night but most likely will not survive this. They wanted me to leave her and I just couldn't leave her alone not if she might die and I would not be with her. I decided that she should be put to sleep so that I could be there with her in her last moments and that she wouldn't have to suffer another day like this one. She died very peacefully and I take some comfort in that, but I will never know what made her so sick and thats what is eating me up inside, I keep thinking if I had just stayed home that night I would have been able to do more for her. If I didn't force the supplement she would have healed, if I didn't get her up she would have made it through. I'm so wounded and in so much pain I miss my girl and I can't think straight. She was 14. We adopted her when she was seven she was abused for the first seven years of her life, from the day she stepped through our door, she was our best friend and our lives worked around sallie's health and happiness. she was our baby and we loved her deeply.
Today I went to the vet to return some equipment they loaned us and the Doctor made a comment that sometimes things seem more serious than the actually are and that it may have been something that could have been corrected. so theres the bug DID I DO THE RIGHT THING? Could I have had my Sallie a little longer? I don't understand why he didn't say that before I took her in to the ER. thanks for reading I need to get it out I am so sad right now.
Julie

I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did the right thing...especially considering her age. Imagine she was more like 98 years old. You tried and did all you could, but sometimes the best decisions are not the easiest to make. I am just starting to not question the loss of my Jake. He was two when we had to put him to sleep. I questioned everything, form when we found him to taking the vets advice. But in the end, I have accepted that things do happen for reasons. He had two wonderful years with us and though his life was brief, it was FULL! It sounds like you were the best thing to happen to your Sallie Mae. She had such a great life with you and you need to concentrate on that. You also need to cry and laugh and get mad and laugh again and cry somemore. Yoiu will find joy in the life she lived, not her passing. That is why they come to us. We need them as much as they need us. And though it may not seem like it now, there will be another that comes along...one that needs you...one that you need. I will keep you in my thoughts and send good ones your way. Martina
PS.....try not to be too hard on your vet, I am sure they feel the loss too.

I am so sorry for your loss. I believe you did the right thing. It sounds like SallieMae was really sick, and I noted that you said the vet SAID she probably would not make it through the night. I don't know or understand why in the world he would say something like that after the fact. You did everything in your power you could possibly do and you spared SallieMae more pain. I don't think it was anything you did about the food or the medicine. It doesn't sound like it at all.

SallieMae and you were so lucky to have found each other -- you were both blessed. SallieMae was loved. She was loved and that is what matters most. Please don't feel guilty about anything. My heart goes out to you. I know that the pain feels unbearable. Please take care of yourself.
Love,
Marcia

Dear Julie,

I'm so sorry for your loss of SallieMae. It sounds like you gave her such a wonderful life filled with love. And, in the end, you made the decision to end her suffering based on the great love you had for her.
I totally agree with Martina, your decision was the correct one.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Dear Julie,

Oh how I understand your pain and guilt! I am SO, SO sorry that you had to make that haunting decision for SallieMae.

My Rachael had tumors removed also that came back as negative for cancer, but the vet told me they could have become cancer if not removed. However, she eventually developed cancer that was internal and we had no idea until she became too weak and could barely stand. She stopped eating and drinking. It was just terrible to watch her decline SO much within a matter of days. Of course I'm not a vet, but my vet told me that since Rachael had been prone to tumors, she was vunerable to more. I would suspect that maybe your precious SallieMae had an internal tumor that you didn't know about. That's what took my Rachael's life. Like you, I had to have the vet end her suffering. She had so much internal bleeding, it had started giving her problems breathing. I am so thankful your SallieMae had a peaceful passing with you there. PLEASE know that you did the VERY best for her and made the VERY best decision for her. She was obviously bleeding internally, and you gave her the best and most loving gift.

I know the pain will take time to heal, but please try to ease your guilt. That will only make your healing harder. I know it didn't seem like enough time, but you and your husband were blessed to have found her, and she was blessed to have found you both too.

My thoughts are with you both,
Cheri

Julie,

I agree with the others. You made the right decision.

Keep your love for your little girl with you always. Do something as a tribute to her... plant a tree, a flower, whatever you like. When you watch it grow, remember how your love for your baby grew.

We lost our kids on the same day. I know just how sick and sad you feel.

I'm so glad that you were able to let her go peacefully. She knows how much you love her, she knows you can't wait to see her again. And you know what? She can't wait to see you, either.

Here's to our furry little kids... may they be in our hearts always.

Kate

Thank you all for your replies it has meant so much to me to know that so many understand the heartache we are experiencing. It also makes me sad that anyone else has had to go through this kind of pain. Sallie was so human to me that I didn't mention that she was a dog, She has just always been SallieMae and thats it. I only found this site today so I did not have a photo available. I can tell you that Rachel CheriAnn's dog and Sallie looked alike, the only difference is that Sallie was old and golden, but just as beautiful. My husband saw Rachel's pix and got a little teary eyed. Thank you all for your support.
Julie

I am so touched that my precious Rachael hit a spot in your husband's heart
I can't wait to see a picture of your beautiful girl!

Rachael was our daughter too. We never thought of her as a "dog" either. We centered our life around her...what made her happy, what she loved to eat, what game she liked to play, etc. She loved the water and enjoyed going out on our boat with us. So, we named our boat after her, Boo Boo (which was her nickname) My goodness, we even went out and purchased an expensive king size bed years ago just so she could be comfortable with enough room in bed too.

So I totally understand your pain. It was SO hard the first month. I had to avoid her pictures or videos or I would have a melt down. My husband thought he would have to bury me with her! However, after many millions of tears, and writing about her in this forum, I started to heal. I can now talk about my little girl with crying all the time. I can appreciate everything she taught me about life and love. I have a tribute to her on my cubicle wall at work. I have some pictures of her, the Rainbow Bridge story and my favorite poem "May I Go Now?". In time you will find a nice way to honor and remember your little girl.
I have a few more pictures of her, her grave stone, etc. here:
http://www.geocities.com/chazkarp/Rachael.html

Hugs,
Cheri

Julie, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby SallieMae. I'm sure she knew how very much she was loved and wanted when you took her home. I believe she knew you did everything you could to give her a wonderful life. I'm sure she knew you did everything to save her. You took her in made her yours and gave her all the love she should have had in her first 7 years.


I am so sorry the vet said those words to you, they do not know everything though they might try to make you believe they do. I took my Snookie to the vet to have her put to sleep. He said her time was not yet. He thought he could help her. So I brought her home with the hope that she would get well again.

Snookie grew worse by the day and because of the Holiday I was going to wait to take her to her vet instead of a emergency clinic. My darling girl could not hold on she left this world on her own. Just 7 days after the vet said it was not her time yet she was gone.

So here I am feeling so guilty that I tried to prolong Snookie's life. Yet I let her suffer so much pain the last few days of her life. I knew she was so sick but I just wanted her in my arms. Just as you are feeling guilty as to whether you let SallieMae go to soon others of us are ashamed we let them stay to long. I am so sorry for you loss.
Ann

Julie- I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful SallieMae. I lost my lab Lucy about 3 weeks ago to lymphoma at age 5. I am still grieving deeply although the intense, crushing pain has subsided a bit. It is so painful to lose a special soulmate like a pet. They provide us with costant, unconditional love and encouragement. SallieMae wouldn't want you to feel badly about anything. She would want to thank you for loving and caring for her as best you could. Those are the most important things any dog could ever ask for. You are in my thoughts...

Caroline