Hi everyone. I have not been here for a couple of days. I am having a hard time. The moment I think that I will be Ok, a rush of Misters face, meow, and his love overwelms me. I have still not gone a day without crying. How long is this gong to last? Imean, 2 weeks now and I still get huge rushes of depression, guilt and sadness. I am back to work, functioning, and using his death to help me be a better person. I know that it sounds weird, but he has taught me how to cherish things especially myself. But, I miss him so much. We have new kittens that are wonderful and I love them, but I can't get Mister out of my head every minute. I am sitting her crying about it yet again. I just wish that he was here. I can't get by dealing with the fact that he died so slowly and painfully aloone at the vet. They told me he was going to be OK, so I didn't insist on a 24 hour vet. I can't get the picture of him dying alone. I hope that he knows that I am so sorry.

By the way, a couple of you have been wondering about why he died. I met this wonderful vet that spent hours looking into the blood work and symptoms. The only things that could of happened are so rare and unlucky. With all of his symptoms he either 1. ate a mouse that was extremely poisoned 2. someone broke into our house and poisoned him, or 3. was bitten in the mouth by a black widow. Nothing else could have happened. I mean, how frustrating is that! Such a wonderful animal that means everything to me has this happen! Not fair. Thanks to all of you for listening.
Jason

Dear Jason. My heart goes out to you. It was a terrible thing that happened to poor Mister, & no-one is expecting you to get over this quickly. Please try not to beat yourself up with guilt; we are only human & we can't be there for our loved ones 24/7. Take comfort in the fact that Mister certainly knew how very very much you loved him, and I'm sure he has forgiven you for not being there at the end. You did the very best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.
And you're right, the death of our furbabies does teach us to cherish what we have. We are here for such a short time, & our furbabies for an even shorter time.
I'm glad you found a vet who was able to spend time investigating what had happened. What a terrible terrible tragedy, I'm so sorry. One small blessing is that at least you can rule out that it wasn't anything you'd done, as I know you were panicking that it was a household item & I know you were saying you would have found it impossible to forgive yourself had that been the case.
Mister sounds like he was a wonderful cat, & a very dear friend, & I know this must be such a hard time for you ate the moment.
My thoughts are with you.
Love from Elsie

Dear Jason,
Two weeks is such a short time. It's been 2 months for me and I had the worst day today so I completely understand.
Some people tell me twinges of pain and sadness last a very long time. These beloved pets were part of our families.
Mister certainly sounds like he was very, very special to you.
So sorry you lost Mister in such a tragic way. It must be hard not even knowing exactly what caused his passing. I am glad that a vet took some time to investigate the cir%%stances and try to give you some answers. Sorry though that he couldn't be more specific.
Thinking of you during this very difficult time.
Fran

Hi Jason, I echo what Fran and Elsie said you have to give yourself time. The fact that you have new babies that look like Mister might be making it even more painful for you. I know now that my puppy Schnitzel looks so much like Snookie makes me miss Snookie all the more. One night Schnitzel woke me up jumping up in bed. I opened my eyes and in the dime light she looked like Snookie. I said oh there's my little baby, come and lay your head on Mama. But as soon as I touched her I knew it was not my Snookie. I laid there crying my eyes out.
Ann

Jason,

I know the pain you are feeling. Lucy has been gone 3 weeks tonight. I lit her candle as I do to mark every week she has been gone. I miss her so much. Almost worse this week than last. I hope with time that we can both heal from our losses. You must be very angry about the cir%%stances surrounding Mister's death. The chances of any of those things happening are so small, yet something happened. Life can be very cruel sometimes. It doesn't seem fair. Everyone says time will heal. I hope that is true...

Caroline

Dear Jason:

You've been given really wonderful advice, thoughts, etc., from Elsie, Fran, Ann & Caroline.....

Two weeks is such a very short time, Jason, and your pain & sadness is JUST A NEW AS IT WAS
ON THE FIRST DAY OF MISTER'S PASSING!!!



That's exactly how I remember feeling, Jason.....
And, it is soooooooooo normal to have the feelings that you are having.....

Personally, at the "TWO MONTH MARK", I remember writing a post about "I can't believe HOW WELL I
FEEL", etc., etc.....and I shared with everyone at LS how good I felt, and that I thought IT
WOULD TAKE LONGER to feel AS GOOD AS I WAS FEELING, GIVEN THAT IT HAD ONLY BEEN TWO
MONTHS.....

Well.............THAT "GOOD FEELING" WAS EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY SHORT-LIVED!!!!!!
Within like 24 hours of FEELING THAT GOOD, I was SOOOOOOOOO TERRIBLY MISERABLE, JUST AS IF IT
WERE DAY ONE AGAIN!!!!!!!

Your sweet furchild, Mister, ALWAYS FELT & KNEW HE WAS VERY, VERY LOVED, Jason....

As Elsie shared,
""Please try not to beat yourself up with guilt; we are only human & we can't be there for our loved ones 24/7.""

One of the hardest things to deal with about grieving is, all of THE:

"Why didn't I's......", "I should have.....", "If only I knew......."

We can be so hard on ourselves......And, I'll bet that Mister wouldn't want you to feel ANY GUILT AT ALL....

Think of all the wonderful times that YOU WERE WITH YOUR SWEET MISTER......
All of the fun that you and he shared together.....

As Fran said,
""These beloved pets were part of our families.""

Jason, just think, "HOW LUCKY WE WERE, THAT OUR FURBABIES SPENT THEIR PRECIOUS LIVES, WITH OURS...."
What a privilege.....

Mister WILL ALWAYS & FOREVER LOVE YOU, JASON!!!!
Please, always remember that....

It has only been two weeks since Mister left this world to go to Rainbow's Bridge....
His physical body is gone ---- but, his soul -- his beautiful spirit --- WHAT MADE HIM "MISTER", WILL ALWAYS
LIVE ON

*IN YOUR HEART, IN YOUR SOUL, IN YOUR MIND.............

AND, HE IS WITH YOU STILL, EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

Perhaps your sweet, precious & beloved Mister was here, on Earth.....
To teach you what you said that he taught you.......???



I think that that is one of lifes greatest lessons......

One day.........this raw pain that you are feeling won't feel as terrible as it does right now......
And, all of the tears that you are shedding WILL HELP YOU TO HEAL.....

It is important to cry ----- to feel your feelings.......
Let them flow freely.

Pretty soon you will have smiles through your tears, of the happy thoughts that you & Mister shared....
When that happened for me, after Ernestine was put to sleep....
I then knew that my heart was starting to heal....

That will happen to you, too...... But, it's going to take awhile....
Please, know in your heart that you will feel better.
You are in my thoughts and in my prayers....

I am very happy to hear about your new furbabies.....
I saw a photo of one of them on another post, and she is a beauty..

We adopted two furcats exactly one month after Ernestine was put to sleep...
And, for some people, that's too soon ----
But, for us, it was perfect...
I wish you much fun and happiness with your new kids!!!

Peace & Love, Denise