I am having a difficult day. Sometimes it helps to write it out to you Mister.
I miss you so much. I have new kids in the house and I do love them, but what we had was special. I am still hurting so much over what happened. I just want to let you know that I love you and am sorry that you had such a short time on this earth.
I see things within the new kids that are so close to you. It reminds me of you, and I sometimes wonder if you are here. I have tried to write one for you but can't get through the lyrics without breaking down. I love you so much and am missing you.
Jason

Hi Jason, I hope those new babies are doing well. I know what you mean about wondering if your baby is there. Sometimes I see a lot of Snookie in my puppy Schnitzel. I too am grateful for my puppy but although I love her dearly it is not the same as it was with Snookie. Maybe over time we will come to love our new babies almost as much.
Ann

I think you are right, Ann; I honestly didn't believe I could ever love any pet as much as I loved little Ammy, my Siamese. I had him for 16 years, he was the most fantastic cat anyone could wish for. We now have 5 cats, and none of them have a personality even similar to Ammy. It's been 3 years and I still miss him. His ashes are buried in a beautiful pet cemetery in the Lancashire countryside, and I still visit his grave and talk to him. Although I do love my other cats so very much, Ammy was something else.

But last week, when we were faced with the possibility of losing little Shaun, my heart was breaking just thinking about it. I now appreciate my time with them all so much more. I went to visit Ammy's grave last week and even asked one of the staff about what would happen if we needed another plot. I started to think about Shaun's memorial - Pawsntail Maine Road Boy (his pedigree name), Twm Sion Cati, our Little Teddy Lion. I felt like I was being ripped in pieces, and this was just waiting for the biopsy result, having been told there was an 80% chance he had terminal lymphoma and would die within a few months.

I now know that I do love the other babies as much, but I will always have a "special" love reserved for Ammy and no-one else.

It's strange when I go to Ammy's grave; I know he's not there, but it feels a bit like a meeting place. I feel very calm, and it's easy to visualise Ammy, as laid back and reassuring as he ever was. Last week I was telling him that I was worried about Shaun, and I got a funny feeling that Ammy reassured me -"he won't be coming here just yet..."

I had difficult days for a long time after Ammy left us. When he had been gone for 15 months, I felt much stronger and could talk about him and smile. But one night when I was working away from home and staying in a hotel, I was suddenly hit by an overwhelming blow of grief and guilt. I sobbed and sobbed like the day he died.
But I know how lucky I was to have him. In spite of all the pain, it was still such an honour to know Ammy.

And it's an honour to know Tiger, Ali B, Shula, Cassie and Shaun. All completely different personalities. They bring me so much joy.