[FONT=Geneva][SIZE=7][COLOR=blue]I'm just so grateful I found this forum. My 13 year old cat, Inky, was put to sleep this past Saturday, 2/5, (a double whammy... Lymphoma and IBD) and I'm having a horrible time dealing with his absence. Please, oh please tell me I'll eventually heal... I can't bare this pain.

Thanks for listening

Pat

Dear Pat,
You are not alone in your grief. People here really care. I care. Others do too. You have a tremendous loss to grieve. But do believe me, it will get easier. It takes time, and there is no way around it, you must go through the grieving process. I lost my 2 yr old kitty Clay on Feb 1, and although my pain is raw and new and at times I wonder how I can live without him, I know in time, I will be better. I know this from experience. I had to put 2 of my cats to sleep, my beloved Raphael in July 2002 and my Skiddy in March of 2003. I thought I would never get over their losses. They were the world to me. But I did. I had good days and bad days along the way, and eventually I got to the point where I could speak of them and think of them without crying, and with happy thoughts of our times together. They were both sick and putting them to sleep was the kind thing to do, but its one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do, and Ive been through many rough times including burying my brother and 2 wks later burying my 3mo old grandchild. The other thing I thought was that I would never ever find another cat as precious as those two were to me...but I did. My boy Clay was every bit as special to me as they were. He had his own style, as they all do, but he gave me unconditional love, and he was a joy every day. I miss him so much. I try to spend my time busy, but I do find I cry several times a day, and suspect I will for quite some time. I suspect, I will cry less hard and less frequent as time goes by. Every day is a challenge right now, as I suspect it is for you. I talk to people who truly understand and write stuff here, and take time alone each day to grieve, but I also take time each day to try and do something that takes my mind off the moment. I am sending you a big hug right now. I hope it helps. Susie

Pat- I lost my baby Lucy on 2-4-05 due to lymphoma. She was only 5 years old. It is a horrible disease and I am so sorry your baby had it too. I am thinking of you during this time. I know how much you are hurting and how hard it is to say goodbye. Just know that you are not alone in your grief...we are here to help each other through this very difficult time. My thoughts are with you....

Caroline

Dear Pat,

I am so sorry to hear about Inky. I lost my beloved Scottie Sasha on 2/5 also from cancer. She also had to be put to sleep. She was 11. Like you I have been having a tough time with this. I know how much you hurt and I am soo sorry for your lioss of your baby.

I don't know when the pain goes away, but talking to people here and feeling that I am not alone or crazy in what I am feeling has helped me alot.I think in time the pain will lessen.

I am thinking of you and wishing you the best!

Nancy (Sasha's Mom)

Dear Pat, I'm so very sorry to hear about Inky. I had to put my cat, Winston, to sleep on that very same day, as he was very ill with aids. Like you, I'm having a really hard time dealing with his absence. I've cried alot & it kinda feels like nothing will ever be the same again. Today I wasn't quite as tearful as yesterday, until I was sorting some washing out. The washing machine is in my lean-to, & I have an old cupboard in there on which Winston used to lie in the summer, as the sun would shine through the clear plastic roof, & he'd get lovely & warm. Thinking about that reduced me to to tears, & I sat at the top of the stairs crying my eyes out, surrounded by dirty washing. It'll be a slow process & some days will be worse than others, but you have come to a really great place for support. We all miss our babies terribly, & we all understand that sense of loss, & how painful it is. It helps at times like these that there are people who understand completely what you are going through. My thoughts are with you.
Big hugs,
Elsie

Dear Pat,
Please know that you are not alone in your grief and pain. I recently lost two of my cats within 5 days of each other. Sweet Maybelline was only 10, she had cancer. I never knew how ugly that word really was until it came into my life. Mr. Pootiehead was 15 and had chronic renal failure. He was the first cat I ever had and needless to say there will never be another one like him. We had to have both PTS and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I still cannot believe they're gone; I was in denial for months after their dianoisis and prayed harder than I've ever prayed in my life for God to heal them. In the end we knew we could not let them suffer so the decision was made.
I've been lurking on this board for a while and it has really helped me to cope. Some nights I've cried so much that co-workers ask me the next day if I've got a cold in my eye. My friends and family in real life don't understand my grief, the people here do. You are not alone in the way you feel, I hope you can find the comfort here that I have.
Beth

All,

Thank you so very, very much for your responses and words of enouragement... you've truly helped. My heart goes out to all of you in your pain, also. It seems like many of us have lost our loves very close in time to one another and it comforts me to now be around people who KNOW.

Here at work, all I get is "oh, it was only a friggin CAT so stop!" I just want to reach over and rip out their throats, but being a Human Resources person, that wouldn't be politically correct (or would it??!)

My husband came home yesterday and told me something that he kept from me since last Monday. He has a friend who's cat was pregnant and, knowing how bad off Inky was, asked him to let him know if the cat gave birth to a black kitten. Unfortunately, his friend said this is her 5th litter and she's never had a black one. Well, she only had one baby in this litter and.... it was solid black. This, to him, means it's meant to be for us. I'm a little apprehensive about having such a physical reminder so soon but he feels it would be the best thing for me to do.

Any thoughts on this? I'm afraid I'll resent it because I'm really going to expect way too much from this tiny little innocent thing. I'm going to want it to BE Inky and I know it won't be.

Again, thanks so much for your support, caring and encouragement. Peace of heart to you all.

Pat

Dear Pat,
My Duchess (black lab/sheperd mix) just died on Feb 4th & last night the vet confirmed that it was a form of cancer.
I had no idea that my baby girl (almost 5yrs old) who was never ever sick a day in her short life, had a disease.
So my heart truly goes out to you. Some people say that you need time to heal between pets but if you feel the need to have another baby -- why not.
Inky must have loved you so very much & maybe -- just maybe this may not be a coinsidence at all.
Hang in there
*** ooo
Duchess's mommy

Dear Pat,

First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss
I know that pain, and believe me in time you will start to heal.

Next, I wanted to comment on the possible new addition to your family
I personally think it is wonderful. A little over 12 years ago, I lost my beautiful little yellow lab, Cozmo. He was hit by a car. I was devastated, and blamed myself. However, in my pain, I wanted to immediately get another lab puppy. Two days later, I went to a breeder and brought home the sweetest little girl. That furbaby turned out to be the VERY BEST decision I ever made! That beautiful black lab that filled my life with hope again, was my precious Rachael. I just lost Rachael in October to cancer. In December my husband and I got another little black lab puppy. She has been a joy to us and we love her very much.

I have read in this forum that there are some people that just can't imagine another pet soon after they lost their precious furbaby. I think it is something that you will feel in your heart. I remember that I never compared Rachael to Cozmo, but I went from a male to a female, so they acted differently. With our new baby, Brandy, I do seem to compare. I don't do it in a negative way, though. Brandy is SO VERY much like my Rachael was, that I feel I have Rachael's spirit present in Brandy. I try to be careful too. Brandy is NOT Rachael and I know that. But I can tell you that she has brought laughter and smiles into the house for us. Many times she will do things and my husband and I will look at each other and just say "Rachael" and smile. Somehow it gives us comfort. Believe me, Brandy has some traits of her very own too, and we love ALL of her!

So, I just wanted to give you one side of the coin. I did feel ready to accept and love another furbaby, and I haven't regretted it. I know I have a special loving heart, just as we all do in here, that can love a furbaby and appreciate them. I would hate to stop giving that love to other deserving furbabies just because I had to say goodbye to one. I KNOW that my Rachael approves of Brandy! She was such a caring and generous furdog. She would want other furbabies to experience the same care and love that she was able to have with us too.

I realize the time line in getting another furbaby for everybody is different. However, I find it SO sad when a special caring person that had to say goodbye to their furbaby, says they will never ever have another furbaby. These are people that showed SO much love and compassion for their furbaby. They have that wonderful "gift" to love. So, even if you decide not to do it now, I am so happy that you are still open to loving another wonderful sweet furkitty

Cheri

Dear Dutchess's Mommy, Pat, BethB, Elsie, Nancy, Caroline and Susie -

My thoughts are with all of you as you go through the grieving process. Forgive my "group" response but since I've been away from LS (due to darn computer problems), so many new people have joined. I'm thinking of all of you and wishing you the strength to travel this most difficult road.

Sincerely,
Lynn

Hi Pat,
I am so sorry you lost your little Inky I know how much our babies all mean each of us and how we think of them as our children. Their death takes a part of our heart and at first it does feel like we can't live without them or with the pain. But you will make it just keep holding on. I'm sure you will miss Inky the rest of your life but after the pain lessens you will begin to think of all the wonderful things he did and you can smile through the tears. I have been gone from the board for a while since I have been so sick but am trying to catch up. My health went downhill after I lost my son's chihuahua and my Snookie. I am just getting better.
Ann

We just had to put our wonderful 6-year old cat Whitey to sleep 2 days ago. After 6-months of chemo, radiation, nothing worked to get rid of his aggressive lymphoma cancer. We loved him and he is the 3rd Maine Coon we have lost in 6 years. They were all under 6- years old. The other 2 died of cardiomyopahthy. They are beautiful cats but be forewared - because of their popularity they are inbreeded and carry a multitude of diseases. Our 1 year old kitten has some kind of herpes disease even though he came from a very reputable breeder. Please consider adopting a stray - it will save you alot of heartbreak.

God bless them all.

Nancy, I'm so very, very sorry about Whitey. I know that you went through a great deal trying to make it better and how hard it is for you right now being so fresh. Why do our babies have to have such horrid diseases? Bad enough humans suffer, but we at least have the ability to comminicate what hurts. This is probably what gets to me the most... that they have to become ill enough for someone to see it to get help. I know my Inky must have felt miserable for quite a while before anyone even realized. THAT is probably what hurts me the most, that I didn't know enough to help him sooner. I guess God had His reasons for everything.

Ann, thank you for your response and I pray that you are feeling better. Your babies want you strong and healthy, too. Snookie loves you and would never want to feel you're sick because of him.

Well, I don't know how, but we got through the weekend without losing it too badly. Saturday was a week and I didn't even want to get out of bed that morning. I found myself watching the clock knowing exactly what time "it" was. Surprisingly, I found myself not feeling anything at all... just numb. In comparison, numb worked better than feeling the pain, so I guess I got lucky.

Hang tough, all and a BIG hug!

i'm sorry for your loss of inky. as for getting another cat - i told myself that i absolutely would not get another for at least 6 months, it's not even been a week and we are already looking. i felt that it would be disloyal to my kitty and i felt guilty. kitty wasn't very social, she only really liked to be around my boyfriend and myself so i could never adopt another cat. now that she is gone i feel so alone. she was always there and now that she's not i feel lonely. i think that you just have to search your heart and be sure that you're ready. of course no cat could replace inky. good luck and my thoughts are with you, ah

I've been gone from LS for a while for several reasons, and I may not be back for a while again. I was reading this posting and wanted to comment because it's been almost two months since we lost Sonnie to cancer. It's been a tough time, but I think I'm over the worst part.

Pat, I'm very sorry to hear about Inky. We have three cats in addition to our Akita Bear. They're each very different from the others, and we wouldn't have it any other way. I can't imagine losing one of them, especially so young. My heart goes out to you. Time will help. Just hang in there and cry when you feel the need to cry.

As far as getting another kitten is concerned - IF you feel you're ready, go for it. As some of the postings here tell you, sometimes it helps with the healing process. Different people need different avenues for the healing process to work. My husband decided we needed another dog in our lives, not to take the place of Sonnie because that will NEVER happen, but because he felt something was missing. He also was worried that I was getting too depressed and needed a distraction. I said ok because he was going to be home for a little while after having foot surgery. Long story short: I picked up Daisy from the shelter four days after his surgery and she's younger than originally thought. Four days after that my husband wound up in ICU and almost died from blood clots in his lungs, so I was solely responsible for all of the critters. Having a new puppy (she's still in that chewing stage) helped me get through almost losing my husband. My regret: I think it was too soon for me, but if she hadn't been there for me to worry about getting fed on time and letting out, without Sonnie I might have gone crazy. For such a small dog, he was my rock. We're puppy-proofing the house. That gives Rob and I something to do together that isn't too exhausting for him. He's back working but tires easily.

Getting a new kitty has good points and bad points. You're the only one who knows which outweighs the other. I can tell you that getting Daisy may have been too soon for me, but she was a God-send for my peace of mind. I can also tell you that getting Bear only four weeks after having to put both my elkhounds to sleep was the best thing for me. I love him very very much. It's different than I loved Warrior and Bull, but they're different dogs with different personalities. You may compare a new black kitten to Inky, but his/her own personality will come out and win you over - if you're willing and ready.

I don't know if any of this helped you, but I'm sure you'll make the right decision. You sound like a warm and loving person. Any cat/dog/puppy/kitten would be happy to call you Mom.

Pat, my heart goes out to you. When my lovely Siamese Ammy was PTS 3 years ago I was fortunate enough to discover this site. My first posting was "Will I ever feel better?" It seemed that there was just no end to the pain. I couldn't work, eat, or sleep and felt lousy, stinging eyes, headache, and a chronic pain in my jaw through tension.

I don't know how I would have coped without this site. Everyone reassured my that I would get better and would eventually be able to think and talk about Ammy without crying. I gained comfort from small things like putting a candle near his photograph and favourite toys. Eventually the pain eased, and although I will miss him until we meet again, I am so thankful that I was blessed with such a fabulous cat.

It was quite soon after Ammy's passing that we got Ali and Tiger, 2 tabby kits. I was dubious at first, but they did bring me a lot of joy in those difficult times. They are now lovely fully-grown adults.

A year later, we acquired Tolly, a gorgeous stray white Chinchilla persian. He was a grumpy cat with attitude, but we loved him dearly. Life was never easy with Tolly, as he was always poorly and we were forever at the vets. He had PKD and would sometimes become very ill with kidney infections. One day he walked off and never returned. We were devastated, but felt that he'd probably decided enough was enough.

I didn't give up hope and prayed and prayed for Tolly to come home. One day I had a dream; when I woke up I knew that Tolly would never come back - but not to be sad, because something good would happen soon.

Some months later, a beautiful white Turkish Angora turned up in our back garden. Turkish Angoras are incredibly rare here in England, so I knew she must be someone's cat. In spite of advertising everywhere and phoning every rescue agency, she was never claimed. Cassie is still with us 2 years later, and although she's not a Chinchilla, I now have another long-haired white baby.

I am bracing myself for the worst as my beloved Maine Coon has almost certainly got lymphoma (he is having the biopsy today). But I know that everyone here will help me through the hard times, whatever happens.

Some people say to me "I would never have a pet, it's so upsetting when they have to go". But oh, what they give us when they're alive! I am hurting right now, and I clearly remember the pain of losing Ammy - but I don't regret for one second sharing my life with these remarkable beings.

Jules

I haven't been able to be in here too much these last 2 weeks since all I do is read and cry. This isn't a bad thing, but it is while sitting in an office. My boss thinks I've totally flipped (although hie's very sensitive to fur baby love).

Thanks to both of you, Karen and Jules, for your messages. You all have truly helped me more than I thought anyone could. Jules, my prayers are with you for good biopsy results today.

Well, I took the plunge and on Monday evening I went to see the kitten my husband is asking me to take. He is now 3 weeks old and, I have to be honest... my heart melted when I saw this little fur ball. When I looked at him, I knew Inky would have loved to have had him as another brother (we currently have 2 other cats, Taz (we call him Teezee) and Smidge.

So, bottom line is that when this little fella is ready to leave his mommy, he has a new one!! I really thought it would be extremely hard to look at another black cat so soon, but the way this little one hit me was shocker. He's mine and that's it.

Monday was a strange day all around. Inky's ashes were returned to me. When I first held the tin I cried. The odd part was that I didn't cry like he was gone, more like he came home. Is that weird? Having his ashes has made me feel very different and like he's back with me somehow. This was definitely not the way I thought I'd feel when they were returned. Relief was not a feeling I would have thought I'd have, but it's what it is. My incredibly missed, incredibly loved Inky is home.

Pat, I am so happy that you decided to look at the little guy, and now he has a new home when he's ready!! Congratulations on the future new addition to your home and family. You won't regret it, and you still have time to continue to grieve and to do some more healing before he'll be there. It must have been right.

You're reaction to getting Inky's ashes was exactly the same as mine to getting Sonnie's. I cried and cried prior to getting them because I missed (and still miss) him so much. When we picked him up, I cried again but it felt different. I told my husband that it felt like we were finally able to bring him home. It was part grief and part relief. He's sitting on a shelf in our bedroom over my dresser surrounded by several big head stuffed animals that Rob gave me. Sonnie always wanted to play with them, so it seems appropriate that they're with him now. We're looking at different memorial urns to place him in permanently, but for now he's home, and that's the important thing. It sounds like our reactions were almost identical. I'm both happy and sad at the same time for you.

Good luck and God bless you.