I am so full of emotions today. It marks the one wk point from the last time I saw my sweet boy, Clay (my 2 yr old kitty). And it marks the day he died, and the phone call that changed my life forever. I miss him so much. I couldnt sleep this morning, and got up early, recalling how I still had him just a week ago. He was there by my bed. And he rubbed up against me and was so happy that I got up. I petted him, got him some breakfast, and got ready for work. I didnt even notice that my husband had let him out before I left until I was heading out the door, and he said to watch for the cat. I never saw him again. I never touched that soft thick fur again. What I would give for one more hug, one more day, one more chance. And then that dreadful call came in at 1pm, that I must come home. I didnt know what had happened and that drive was so awful, cause I sensed it might be one of my babies. I shook and prayed all the way home. Only to get the dreadful news, that Clay was gone, and wasnt coming home. I kept hoping, I kept searching, I kept denying. The next day we found him. Indeed he had been killed that awful morning of Feb 1 by a predator.
What a huge loss. I feel sad for my loss and my husbands loss, but also feel sad for Clay's loss. He started out in a home where I dont know how he was treated, cause when I adopted him at 9 mos old, he hid under furniture, and was scared to death. He finally came around to be a boy who loved people, and loved to lie on his back in the living room with his white belly up, waiting for someone to rub his belly. What can you say about a cat who loved spaghettios and yogurt, going for walks with me down our road (like a dog would walk), who loved hiding behind a door and reaching his furry paw out to see what he could grab. He used to "help" me with scrapbooking and jigsaw puzzles, and how I would get annoyed at him flopping down in the middle, and how now I would love to see that big ole clown flop down in the middle of things, and mess up my stuff. Poor little Clay, he had such a rocky start to life, and then he found people whot just adored him, and a big yard full of grasshoppers to pounce on, and logs to walk on, and trees to climb. How he wouldve loved these last few days, with the sun and the milder temps. So many walks he wont get to take. He was only 2. He had so many more sunny afternoon naps ahead of him, and tickles under the neck. Why? Its just not fair! They say everything happens for a reason, but I cant think of any reason for this. He was young, happy, and healthy, and shouldve had 15 mores years on this earth. He made this earth a better place. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. He was in his prime, only to be snuffed out, for what? To lay still in a snowbank, gone? Just killed for the kill?
I have lost animals before, that have been old, and that have been sick, and its still a huge loss. This is the first time I have lost a little buddy that was in his prime, and it just has a different aspect to it. Its still a deep grief, just like all of you who have lost a pet after having them for years, or seeing them go after an illness. It still hurts like heck, no matter what.
Ok, Im at work trying not to lose my composure, so must close. I have only told my boss what is going on and she understands, but I reach to my closest friends and you folks here, for the compassion and understanding I need right now. Thank you all, for your words, and hearing me. I so appreciate it. I hope I can be there for you some time too.
Susie (Clay's Mom)

Hi Susie,
I sure wish that this kind of thing didn't have to part of our life here on this earth but it is for what ever reason. I find it interesting that in the human race our grief is so similiar. Death is part of this life. I know the roller coaster of emotions you are riding right now but I promise those huge hills you are climbing now will get smaller...hang in there. Pamela

Susie, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I never read your first entry from a week ago till today. It broke my heart to read it, and also what you wrote today. My heart really goes out to you. Clay sounds like a real character, and to be taken from this world when still so young and with everything to live for...this world is indeed a cruel place. Sometimes there just doesn't seem to be any kind of reason in things. You were both very lucky to have found eachother, albeit for such a short time. Like your Clay, my little Winston also had a rocky start, & I suspect he had escaped from an abusive home. It took him a long time to feel secure & happy. It is such a tragedy that our loved babies are taken from us when they have everything to live for - so many sunny days ahead that they would have enjoyed, and with people who loved them. You have some really lovely memories of Clay. My thoughts are very much with you.
Hugs, Elsie (wittley)

Susie,

Reading your entries made me cry. I am also angry that my Sasha was only 11 and died of cancer. That is exactly what I said to my husband - Why couldn't she have had just even two more years? Would this have spoiled some vast eternal plan for me to have had my baby a little bit longer.

It has been three days since I lost my Sasha and I still feel very emotional. I guess it is because all of us here had such a special bond with our animals. Aren't we lucky we got to experience even the short time we had with them. Last night I thought I heard her bark at the foot of my bed.

I am trying to remember the happy times with her and that helps me. I know you have many happy memories of Clay so maybe thinking of that can help you too. My thoughts are with you.

Nancy

Dear Susie
The one week mark is such a very very hard day. We long to turn back time. We have thoughts that this time last week they were alive and with us. I remember only too well how very very hard the weekly arrival of that particular day would be.

My heart goes out to you Susie, it is so very sad to lose such a little baby as you have done, especially one who had an unkind start in life.

Try to remember that you gave him a good and loving home and your love turned him into a fearless darling loving little cat. He had a good life with you. Yes ... it should have been for much much longer and I am so sad for you and for him that it wasn't.

It's good to come here and write and to express how you are feeling. I found that there were very few people in my everyday life that could understand the depth of my loss and how completely torn apart I was. There were two good friends who were wonderful, but my family seemed to think that I should be over it by the end of a week. So I came to the forum and talked about Ellie and read everybody elses story too. And it really helped. It helped more than anything.

Bless dear little Clay and may he be fully restored now and happily playing with my little Ellie (age 15 months) at Rainbow Bridge.

My thoughts are with you.
with love
jilly

Your Clay sounds like he was the joy of your life and I know you loved him so much. You are right whether we have had them for all their lives or for a short time they still are so loved. They and their memories and the love we have given and received from them are precious.

I too remember the 1 week mark for both Chili Bean and Snookie. The tears hit pretty hard on that 1 week mark I think it was because I was just starting to realize at that point that my baby was not just away, she was never coming home. Hugs on this very hard day.
Ann

Dear Susie,
The anniversaries of our loss is truly painful.
I know how much you are missing your precious little Clay.
Thinking of you.
Fran