My beloved girl Lucy lost her battle with lymphoma tonight at 6:45 pm. She died in our bedroom, with our loving arms around her. I felt her spirit leave her body and there are no words to describe it. They took her body away and all I want is my Lucy back with me. My heart is broken in a million pieces and I keep walking aimlessly around the house looking for her. Where is she? This is unreal. A bad dream. I want my baby back and can't imagine life without her.
Lucy April 9, 1999- February 4, 2005
Rest in peace my sweet sweet baby. Run in the green fields and chase your tennis balls. Mommy and Daddy will see you again someday.
Full Version: My Baby Is Gone
Dear Caroline my heart breaks for you and I am just so sorry that your darling baby Lucy is gone from your arms. I have been watching the board to see if you would come and tell us when your sweet baby left this world.
There is not much a person can say to ease your pain except we are there holding your hand and feeling your pain and how sorry we are. We understand the broken shattered heart and how lost you are feeling. Hold on Caroline it is a long hard journey but you are not alone. I am just so sorry that you lost Lucy and will continue to pray for you.
Love, Ann
There is not much a person can say to ease your pain except we are there holding your hand and feeling your pain and how sorry we are. We understand the broken shattered heart and how lost you are feeling. Hold on Caroline it is a long hard journey but you are not alone. I am just so sorry that you lost Lucy and will continue to pray for you.
Love, Ann
Dear Caroline,
I'm so very sorry. I'm all too familiar wtih that emptiness that you feel right after your baby leaves. I guess it's like a silence that falls over your house...I don't know, I'm just sorry you're experiencing it.
I'm sure Lucy felt and appreciated being surrounded by your arms and your love.
As Ann said, there's not anything that anyone can say to ease your pain, just know that we're all here for you.
Be gentle with yourself...allow yourself the space and the time to grieve...cry, scream, sob...whatever you need. Just remember each tear that is shed is a healing tear.
My thoughts and prayers are with you on this very sad night.
Kathleen
I'm so very sorry. I'm all too familiar wtih that emptiness that you feel right after your baby leaves. I guess it's like a silence that falls over your house...I don't know, I'm just sorry you're experiencing it.
I'm sure Lucy felt and appreciated being surrounded by your arms and your love.
As Ann said, there's not anything that anyone can say to ease your pain, just know that we're all here for you.
Be gentle with yourself...allow yourself the space and the time to grieve...cry, scream, sob...whatever you need. Just remember each tear that is shed is a healing tear.
My thoughts and prayers are with you on this very sad night.
Kathleen
Thank you all for the kind words. I haven't stoppped crying/ wailing/ screaming all night. I miss her terribly. It hurts so badly, like my legs can barely hold me up. I just feel so lost. I can usually put into words how I am feeling but I am at a complete loss. I ache to be with her one more time, to rub her silky ears and bury my nose into her neck. I know that it will get better, because I have seen people on this board healing, but it is hard to believe that I will ever get over the loss of my baby. the postings help me greatly. Thank you all so much. Lucy thanks you too. She wouldn't want mommy feeling this badly. She told me today with her eyes that she was ready. No more cancer eating away at her beautiful body. She is finally free.
Caroline
Caroline
Caroline,
I to am so familiar with that awful first few hours, days. Now is time to pay the price of the love. It is nothing less than losing a member of your family. I want you to know that I know the feeling you are going through, how bad it gets,,, that burning loss, but I also want to tell you that it wont always be as sharp as it is now. All you can do is go with it and embrace the saddness because that is where the healing lies. I will be praying a prayer of faith for you.
Pamela
I to am so familiar with that awful first few hours, days. Now is time to pay the price of the love. It is nothing less than losing a member of your family. I want you to know that I know the feeling you are going through, how bad it gets,,, that burning loss, but I also want to tell you that it wont always be as sharp as it is now. All you can do is go with it and embrace the saddness because that is where the healing lies. I will be praying a prayer of faith for you.
Pamela
Caroline,
Just go ahead and let those tears flow do whatever you need to do that helps you make it through. Like your sweet Lucy my girls are free from cancer too and that thought helps get me through. It's hard to believe that on Sunday Snookie will be gone for 6 weeks.
You are right it does get better but just take your time because you can grieve as long as you need to. You might feel pretty numb for a while but I think we need that feeling in the beginning to help us bear such a heavy loss.
I hope we have more people on here than we usually do on a Saturday so they can comfort you too. I will be checking in off and on to see if you have posted any more. I will continue to pray for you that God will hold you in His arms and comfort you and give you strength.
Hugs, Ann
Just go ahead and let those tears flow do whatever you need to do that helps you make it through. Like your sweet Lucy my girls are free from cancer too and that thought helps get me through. It's hard to believe that on Sunday Snookie will be gone for 6 weeks.
You are right it does get better but just take your time because you can grieve as long as you need to. You might feel pretty numb for a while but I think we need that feeling in the beginning to help us bear such a heavy loss.
I hope we have more people on here than we usually do on a Saturday so they can comfort you too. I will be checking in off and on to see if you have posted any more. I will continue to pray for you that God will hold you in His arms and comfort you and give you strength.
Hugs, Ann
Dear Caroline,
You and your beloved Lucy have been constantly in my thoughts since last night. I am so glad that you were able to hold her and be with her in her final moments and hold her dear and darling body close to yours. That love will surround her as she makes her journey to be with all our other babies who are now, like Lucy, free from their pain and well again ... able to run and play and breath freely and enjoy the beautiful green grass under their feet and the fresh air filling their little lungs as they revel in the feeling of wellness that is theirs again.
Try to keep that picture in your mind dear Caroline ... it was a lifesaver to me to be able to picture Ellie in that way ... I think I would have gone mad if I didn't have that image to focus on.
There are no words of consolation ... I know the pain is agonising, unbearable, nothing seems real ...
But dear Caroline, you know that here at LS we all know what you are feeling ... what you are going through ... everything you are feeling we have all felt exactly the same and been in exactly the same place. For that reason please feel a closeness of kindred experience with all your friends here and know that we are here with you every step of the way on this long painful journey.
We understand the depths of your pain, the depths of your despair, the intensity of what you are feeling. The complete and utter feeling of loss which no words can begin to describe.
There are no easy answers, no quick way through it. The loss of a darling so loved baby leaves a huge empty hole of pain and It is something that can only be endured ...
Coming here to LS helped me with my pain. Being able to talk to others who were going through and had been through the same experiences and were feeling the same sort of feelings and emotions and pain. It is what has helped me the most of all. That and being able to picture Ellie well and restored and happily playing with all the other babies at rainbows bridge. Those 2 things were a godsend. I hope they will be for you Caroline.
Be gentle with yourself. When you feel it is all too totally overwhelming and you just can't cope, try to cut time into smaller pieces. Tell yourself that all you expect of yourself is to be able to endure your feelings for the next five minutes. I found this helped. I couldn't envisage being able to cope with it all in one go or for days on end. I would just cope with it in 5 minute intervals, never looking beyond that 5 or ten minutes. Getting through minute by minute, hour by hour, not looking ahead too much.
Beautiful Lucy you will always have a place in the hearts of all who knew and loved you at LS ... you will always be remembered.
With love
jilly
You and your beloved Lucy have been constantly in my thoughts since last night. I am so glad that you were able to hold her and be with her in her final moments and hold her dear and darling body close to yours. That love will surround her as she makes her journey to be with all our other babies who are now, like Lucy, free from their pain and well again ... able to run and play and breath freely and enjoy the beautiful green grass under their feet and the fresh air filling their little lungs as they revel in the feeling of wellness that is theirs again.
Try to keep that picture in your mind dear Caroline ... it was a lifesaver to me to be able to picture Ellie in that way ... I think I would have gone mad if I didn't have that image to focus on.
There are no words of consolation ... I know the pain is agonising, unbearable, nothing seems real ...
But dear Caroline, you know that here at LS we all know what you are feeling ... what you are going through ... everything you are feeling we have all felt exactly the same and been in exactly the same place. For that reason please feel a closeness of kindred experience with all your friends here and know that we are here with you every step of the way on this long painful journey.
We understand the depths of your pain, the depths of your despair, the intensity of what you are feeling. The complete and utter feeling of loss which no words can begin to describe.
There are no easy answers, no quick way through it. The loss of a darling so loved baby leaves a huge empty hole of pain and It is something that can only be endured ...
Coming here to LS helped me with my pain. Being able to talk to others who were going through and had been through the same experiences and were feeling the same sort of feelings and emotions and pain. It is what has helped me the most of all. That and being able to picture Ellie well and restored and happily playing with all the other babies at rainbows bridge. Those 2 things were a godsend. I hope they will be for you Caroline.
Be gentle with yourself. When you feel it is all too totally overwhelming and you just can't cope, try to cut time into smaller pieces. Tell yourself that all you expect of yourself is to be able to endure your feelings for the next five minutes. I found this helped. I couldn't envisage being able to cope with it all in one go or for days on end. I would just cope with it in 5 minute intervals, never looking beyond that 5 or ten minutes. Getting through minute by minute, hour by hour, not looking ahead too much.
Beautiful Lucy you will always have a place in the hearts of all who knew and loved you at LS ... you will always be remembered.
With love
jilly
Caroline,
You and Lucy have been in my thoughts since last night.
I am so deeply sorry for the pain you are feeling.
From your description, it sounds as if Lucy's passing was peaceful and she felt safe in your arms.
It is a great loving gift you have given Lucy.....releasing her from the pain of her illness.
As Pamela, Ann and Kathleen and Jilly have said, we are all too familiar with the pain you are feeling.
I think Kathleen said it best "Just remember each tear that is shed is a healing tear."
Shed your tears, feel your grief...we are all here to help you through.
Love, Fran
You and Lucy have been in my thoughts since last night.
I am so deeply sorry for the pain you are feeling.
From your description, it sounds as if Lucy's passing was peaceful and she felt safe in your arms.
It is a great loving gift you have given Lucy.....releasing her from the pain of her illness.
As Pamela, Ann and Kathleen and Jilly have said, we are all too familiar with the pain you are feeling.
I think Kathleen said it best "Just remember each tear that is shed is a healing tear."
Shed your tears, feel your grief...we are all here to help you through.
Love, Fran
Dear Caroline,
Let me first say how sorry and saddened I was to read about Lucy. She was however very fortunate to have experienced a natural passage, wrapped in your loving arms, instead of having to be euthanized in a clinic.
I most certainly believe that you felt her spirit leave her body, and that is where you may find some comfort. Yes, they took her body away, simply her shell, the essence of Lucy is still very much alive. Not being able to touch that essence makes us grieve, and that is why we pine for the return of their physical body. You may not agree, but I think that animals have powers of consciousness that we do not understand, and along with those powers, they might be able to communicate on levels that we cannot perceive. A quote from naturalist Henry Beston:
"We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals... In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear."
I will say a prayer for you and Lucy, in the hope that you may just hear each other's voices.
Nicole
Let me first say how sorry and saddened I was to read about Lucy. She was however very fortunate to have experienced a natural passage, wrapped in your loving arms, instead of having to be euthanized in a clinic.
I most certainly believe that you felt her spirit leave her body, and that is where you may find some comfort. Yes, they took her body away, simply her shell, the essence of Lucy is still very much alive. Not being able to touch that essence makes us grieve, and that is why we pine for the return of their physical body. You may not agree, but I think that animals have powers of consciousness that we do not understand, and along with those powers, they might be able to communicate on levels that we cannot perceive. A quote from naturalist Henry Beston:
"We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals... In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear."
I will say a prayer for you and Lucy, in the hope that you may just hear each other's voices.
Nicole
I thought about you and lucy all evening, I hope you are doing okay on this next day. It sounds to me like Lucy did not have alot of suffering with the cancer, that makes me feel better. I hate cancer Caroline, it is an ugly invader that takes our loved ones away. Jilly was right on when she said minute to minute day to day....
It helped me alot to think of Moose as a gift to me from my divine father. I had to let him go back to him because I was only his caretaker for a short time. When my time comes to leave this hurtful world it will be a great reunion, the joy unspeakable, everything lost is restored and more. That is what I hang onto.
Labs are so big and personalble, special. I just wanted you to know my heart is thinking of you today. Pamela
It helped me alot to think of Moose as a gift to me from my divine father. I had to let him go back to him because I was only his caretaker for a short time. When my time comes to leave this hurtful world it will be a great reunion, the joy unspeakable, everything lost is restored and more. That is what I hang onto.
Labs are so big and personalble, special. I just wanted you to know my heart is thinking of you today.
Pamela
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