Hi,
I am new here although not to the grief. I lost 2 of my best friends in the last nine months. Creseant at age 17 suddenly of cancer I had one week and had to put her to sleep. Jinx at age 16 of liver and kidney failure, I fought to save her life for 6 weeks with medications force feedings s/q fluids. I finally put her to sleep when her quality of life became an issue. Just a mere 2 weeks ago I fell in love with a little orange tabby female her name was Peanut. She came to me with a sore paw. I took her to the vet for an exam the day after I adopted her and she was put on antibiotic for a fever and there was no fracture. She continued to limp and favour that paw. I picked her up when I came home from work on the 25th. She felt warm she was in pain and the paw appeared more swollen. Of course I rushed her to the vet again. They found an abcess in the elbow joint of her left front paw. They drained it she stayed at the vet recieving antibiotics and fluids. Her fever never came down so they irrigated the joint out on the 27th. On the 28th in the morning she appeared to be doing better and it looked like I would be able to have her home for the weekend and see if she would need an amputation on Monday. Then in the afternoon not 1.5 hours after I spoke to the vet she went in to septic shock and died. I did not even get to say goodbye. In the short time she was with me she showed such bravery and heart. She even kissed my nose. I feel just awful I was ready to commit to another little furry friend and she died. I wish I had taken her back sooner. Did I miss anything? Did she know how much I had come to love her? I am an ER nurse and know how difficult it can be to see things and yet I so totally blame myself. So much loss in so short a time...
Thank you for letting me vent. I could not even get 4 hours off work yesterday to grieve. Some people just do not understand. She had become my child in fur clothing.
Jinx

Dear Jinx,

I'm so very sorry for all the loss you've experienced in the last 9 months. Dealing with the loss of Jinx and Creseant must be difficult in and of itself, but to compound that with losing your brand new kitty must just be devastating. Again, I'm so sorry.

I'm sure that little Peanut knew how much you loved her. The fact that you took her in and showed her all the love and caring that you did spoke volumes to her.

Please don't hold yourself responsible for her sickness. You did everything you possibly could to save her. You didn't know the extent of her infection, if had known, you would have taken her back to the vet sooner...you can't hold yourself responsible for something that you didn't know.

The LS website is one of the kindest places to work through your grief. All of the people here will embrace you with compassion and understanding.

Take care.
You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

I am so very sorry that you lost your wonderful furbabies. We at LS know how devastating it is to lose them when they really are our fur children. It is just so painful whether we have had them a short time or for many years. We fall in love with them so quickly and our heart are torn and it just hurts so much when we have to give them up to death.

That's a shame you could not even get off from work to grieve. Most people on the outside world think they were just an animal but we here at LS know they are so much more. Their love will always live within our hearts. I could hear the love in every word of your post and could see you did everything in your power that you could do. Yet somehow guilt seems to follow us no matter what we did or didn't do.
Please come and talk often we all need each other.
Ann

Thank you guys for making me feel less alone. I have only had a day to get used to this. Since I work nights today will be my first night off. My first real day to think about my loss. I had not yet even had a picture taken of her. I so regret this... I am having her cremated because I want her to be in her home. She will be with the ashes of my dear Creseant and Jinx and the pictures of my beloved Crash and Bunky. Each one so special. Now I just don't know if I will ever be ready agian. I feel like a jinx myself.

Hi!

There's no doubt, in my heart, that your precious Peanut knew how very, very much you loved her!!!!

Just as Abby's mom said, Sepsis really is one of those things that can take a turn for the worst in an hour or so!!!! I
had worked in the "human" medical field, and I know that to be true in human situations......

I am terribly sorry that you couldn't get off a few hours from work yesterday to grieve...............You're right....People
DO NOT UNDERSTAND how much we love our beautiful furkids.....

But, "it's unfortunate for those who have never loved a furkid"......They will never know the beautiful unconditional
love that all of us here at LS know, including yourself!!!!!!! I've always said, "It's their loss"....(to people who have never loved a sweet baby)......

Please, come to LS often, and talk to all of us......
We all understand how terribly awful the loss of a precious, furkid is.... It hurts soooooooo bad, but we are all here
for one another, to help each other heal.......

There are sooo many wise and wonderful people here at Lightning-Strikes...... I've always said that "I'm sorry that you
have had to find a pet grief site..............but, if you had to find one.....I am very happy that it is LS that you found...."

God Bless you, My new friend....

Love, Denise xo

Hi,

I am sorry for the loss of your special felines in the last year. Your peanut knew you loved her thats why she chose you to be her care giver. The love and compassion that you showed for this cat is wonderful, whether it be 2 weeks or 20 years. I wish there were more people in this world who are as kind and compassionate as you are!!!

Bless you heart!!

Kim

Hi,
I am still just so sad. I find myself just crying for almost no reason. I am so busy with work all the time I have hardly had any time to grieve. And all this has just brought all the feelings back from the recent losses of Creseant and Jinx. My husband thinks I am a little nuts! Although he grieved for all of them as well. I just wish I could feel better.
Thank you to every single one of you for being there to "listen" to me. My furbabies really have meant so much to me in life and losing them has been like losing my best friends.

Dear Jinx,

I can totally relate to your statement about your furbabies being your best friends. I feel the same way about Shiloh. When she died I felt like I had not only lost my best friend, but that I'd also lost a part of myself. Her absence has left a major void. She's been gone almost 5 months now, and I have to admit that the pain of her loss is not as great as it was in the beginning, but I still have some bad days.

I know it's hard to grieve when your busy with a job, but give yourself time in between home and work. I know I've cried many healing tears on the way to work and on the way home.

You continue to be in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Dear Jinx,
You are not alone with what you are feeling. I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. About 10 weeks ago my daughter brought home two 3 week old kittens. They were adorable! I babied them and played with them all that I could. I showed them how to get along with my golden retriever, Sunny. Of all the Chirstmas gifts I could have received, these two fur balls were the best, for I smiled constantly watching them wrestle with each other. I brought them up to the weight they needed to be and took care of them in every way I knew how. I knew that my husband would never agree to having them in the house 100% of the time, so we planned to let them come in and out. They were SO happy and purred all of the time. Tragically. 3 weeks ago tomorrow, one of the kittens, Jacque, crawled up under one of our cars and was run over. I cried and cried. I was angry! And SO sad! Everytime I watched his brother, Max, play, I would see the shadow of his brother. We buried him in our backyard, near our dog Bear, and lay a bouquet of daisies on his grave. I wish I could turn back time and fix this. But, I can't. As I go through my day, I tell myself that Jacque went out of this world KNOWING that he was loved. This gives me comfort, although I still look at his sweet little face on my refrigerator everyday. I have decided to donate some volunteer time to the humane society. There are many areas of need that are positive. I am a retired teacher, but considering working for PetsMart as they have done AMAZING charitable things for homeless animals. If you want a lift, go onto their website and read about their generosity. I just had to make sense of Jacques sudden death, and losing him so quickly. I understand your grief. Find comfort in knowing that you gave your kitty all that you knew to give at that time. And I am certain he knew that you loved him. As far as work goes, take a sick day and cry in private. You need it and deserve it. Be thankful that you are a kind hearted person. Someday you will be able to help a friend with the same kind of loss because you truly understand. Best wishes. Theresa