I don't post very often but it seems lately I am feeling guilty of an adoption that went wrong. I wanted/needed another dog similiar to my boy that passed away and went and found a dog at a local shelter. I was so happy and excited. My kids wanted another dog. But 3 long weeks with a dog that we lived around because of undisclosed illness I couldn't trust him around my children. My cats and other dogs were terrified of him and he tried to get aggressive with my husband so we got on the phone with rescues. No avail. No one wanted to talk to me or couldn't take him. I couldn't risk my children getting hurt. My vet was out and the rescue that kinda helped me ran me through the coals. I am not a vet and don't know why my vet did what he did for diagnosing this dog. Any way we ended having to take him back to the shelter. I didn't want to but for my children I did. I feel super guilty. I am not a bad person, in fact I wish I had a ranch and a lot of money to help animals. Granted our society doesn't really look at animals as part of a family but a possesion. This guilt leads to my boys death. Being a woman, when my hormones go wacky, it brings his death to the surface and I cry. I want him back. I guess I have made it easy on me by putting pictures up everywhere I am. I try to remember the good times. But the guilt doesn't seem to be leaving. I come here and I cry and feel for everyone here at LS. In a way I am sorry we had to come together in this time of sorrow. I also don't know if the sick dog got a new home or went to Rainbow Bridge to meet up with my boy. I hope he is not mad at me. As the title says I am feeling guilty. I just needed to say it somewhere. Thanks for listening.
ChrissyW

Chrissy, believe me, I KNOW what the guilt feels like! I wish I could tell you how to get rid of it or deal with it, but I just don't know myself. I'll say, "God bless you!" I will pray for you. I DO hope it gets better for you soon!

Dear Chrissy,

I know exactly how you feel. About 6 weeks after Shiloh died, I was so lonely for dog energy. I had to go to the pet store for kitty supplies and they were having a pet adoption. I met a cute little dog and felt a connection immediately. I ended up adopting her. She was shy and timid from being abused, but she promised to be a good dog. That night when I got her home, she started limping, by the next day she couldn't walk. I took her to my vet who did a full exam and x-rays. My vet said that the dog, "Foxie," had ligament damage in her back leg and possible hip dysplasia. My vet said that there was the possibility that Foxie would need surgery for the ligament damage. I was so sad. I felt like the adoption people had misrepresented her. I had no choice but to take her back to the adoption agency, too. Had I not just 6 weeks earlier gone through caring for a sick dog, I might have weathered it. But I knew emotionally and financially I couldn't cope. I felt so guilty about not being able to care for her and at the same time I felt misled by the adoption agency. If Foxie had been healthy, I would have kept her...just like you would've kept your new dog had he not been aggressive. Please don't feel guilty...you tried.

If I had the money, I'd have the biggest animal rescue in the world. I just wish all humans felt like we do about animals.
Take care,
Kathleen

Dear Chrissy,

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time lately. I know the pain and loss of your precious boy is hard enough to deal with when it comes back and hits you, but this guilt only makes the pain worse.

I remember replying to your post about the adopted dog. We had rescued a black lab male, about a year old, several years ago, that was dumped on the side of the road. We discovered after we got him that he had hip dysplasia. We went as far as having the surgery done for him, which wasn't cheap. Then, after all that, we started having other problems that forced us to give him up. I still have days when that guilt hits me and I just hate myself for giving up on him! At the time we didn't have any no-kill shelters or human society places here. He went to a "pound". To this day, like you, I don't know if someone gave him a good home that was able to work with his "issues", or if he was sent to Rainbow Bridge. However, at the time, we did the best we could for him. To make the guilt worse, he fathered the one litter of puppies my Rachael had (NOT planned!). My brother has one of the offspring!

Like us, you really tried and gave that furbaby a chance. You have a family to worry about, and you just couldn't take the chance. Try to take comfort that you gave him 3 great weeks with you and your family. I try to tell myself that Taz lived a good life for the months we had him. That was in 1997, and it still creeps up on me now and then. That's just what people like us, who love furbabies so much, must endure when an adoption just doesn't work out. I wouldn't want us to be any other way, though, to be so caring and compassionate!

Take care of yourself, and forgive yourself,
Cheri

Dear Chrissy, They should screen all the pets better than they do so people wouldn't have to get them and give them up once they took them home to love. It just might be why the owners put them there in the first place instead of keeping them. It is just sad that you had to send him back but your children needed to be protected from getting bit or worse still killed by a vicious dog. I too wish I had a big ranch and could take on more babies too. I have my schnauzer puppy plus my fur grand babies stay with my husband and I a lot but we always say the more the merrier. Of course that means even more vet bills and sometimes that is a strain. We help our children with their vet bills too and it makes it rough.
Love, Ann

You certainly did not fail this dog in any way. By being a caring person, you put yourself out there a little more and things like that can happen. It is okay and you should not feel guilty. You did what you thought was best for you and your family and that is okay. You are a good person no matter what and you should give yourself a pat on the back for trying so hard. Someday you will meet another dog or cat that is right for you and your family. Until then, don't be too hard on yourself. It is people like you who make this world a better place for animals to live in. Take care, Caroline

Chrissy,
I understand your guilt but you are not to blame. The safety of your children must be a priority.
I am desperate for "doggie love" but terrified of getting another dog so soon. I am most fearful that I will have another sick dog to tend to. My heart just cannot handle that now.
Fran

Dear Chrissy,

You shoudn't feel guilty at all. You did the best you could and your intentions were nothing but good.

A friend of mine adopted a dog, who turned out to be aggressive. She kept the dog for quite awhile, thinking if she returned it to the shelter he'd be put to sleep. The dog ended up biting her daughter. It was a real bad bite, on her arm. After that, she ended up bringing the dog back and she felt if she didn't say why she was returning the dog, another person might get bitten. She never knew what happened to the dog, just hoped that an older person without kids may have adopted him. You had to protect your kids. Keeping that dog could have turned out to be a tragedy for your family.

Lynn

To Everyone Here at LS,
I couldn't ask for any better support. I wrote this post for myself . . . to heal. And so many responded that I wanted to say thank you. I didn't check it all weekend and when I got into work today, after getting bad news, I thought I would just check and so many gave me an uplift . . . it was amazing. I love when people come together to help one another. Today, has been exceptionally hard for me and has brought Indy's death back up as if it was yesterday. But today, I could cry and be uplifted by your posts and know that their pain is gone and they are in a wonderful place just waiting for us to join them. I don't know if this place exists but I guess I have to have some faith that it does. Please know to everyone here that I do read your posts but don't always respond due to I don't know if my advice is good, I am not always right and I don't want people to get mad at me if my advice seems harsh. All I can say is that reading your posts helps me. It lets me know that I am not the only one and there are other people there to talk to and who will listen if I post. Thank You!!!!! You will never know how much it means to me that I can come here and write or just read. Everyone here has helped me . . . Thank You again.
Everyone here is in my thoughts, always!!!!
ChrissyW

Chrissy- I know what you mean about just coming here reading and not posting. I sometimes feel my response might not be right or it may be harsh. I know I wouldn't want to make someone feel worse then what they already are. I come here and read because it helps me. My beloved furkitty of 17-yrs passed in June and even though it'll soon be 7-mo ( tomorrow, 25th ) he's been gone it still hurts very much. I miss him so very much! I love him dearly!


Wanda

I agree that is is nice to come to a place where you can feel supported. I always think I have to write a moving note or why bother but often a simple "you will be okay" or "I know how you feel" would be fine. Take care of yourself. Indy was very handsome!!
Caroline

Hi Chrissy,
I never know the right thing to say, but just know that we care. If I could I'd give you a big hug! Sometimes that's all we really need, and a person who will listen. It always feels better to talk about what's on our minds. This is hard, isn't it? Anytime I have other stresses similar to this, it brings Dieter's death right back to the front of my mind. I have a good cry and I come to my safe place...LS... and hope beyond hope that everyone is feeling just a bit better today
Libby