On December 28, 2004 I lost my dear little Australian Terrier. Regency's Independence "Indy" was born on the 4th of July in 1994 and came to us at the age of 4 months. He came into my life at a time when I needed "undying love and devotion" which he gave so unconditionally.

From the start, Indy had a special personality. He seemed to understand everything I told him. When I spoke to him, he'd sit attentivley, ##ing his head and ears this way and that as if to acknowledge what I was saying.
He was a small dog but had a "big dog personality". He was fearless. He chased everything from squirrels to deer and on occassion marched up to large neighbor dogs who dared to walk past his yard.

When Indy was 8 years old he was diagnosed with Cushing's disease and diabetes. As a nurse I was able to give Indy some special care. He had his blood sugars monitored and insulin dosages adjusted as needed. He was doing well and living a good quality of life with his diseases. He was eventually diagnosed with a large liver mass, presumed to be cancer. We refused a biospy as I did not suspect the results would change the outcome. Over the past six months Indy began to deteriorate and lose weight. I have an amazing vet and on more then one occassion rushed Indy in thinking it "was time". She reassured me, gave Indy meds and fluids and would say he has "sparkle in his eyes, wags his tail and is in no pain and the time had not yet come".
On our last visit, 12/27/04, she believed Indy had given up his fight against illness. We brought him home for one last night with the family. There were many tears and good-byes were said.
On December 28, 2004 at 2:00 PM it "was time". Indy left this world warm and snuggled in his favorite blanket with his devoted family gathered around.

My beloved and faithful friend is gone. My heart aches at the loss and maybe time will heal my pain. I pray Indy is happy, comfortable and maybe chasing deer through a sunny meadow.
Indy, "my little man", I love and miss you.
Love Mommy

I am so sorry to hear of all the pain you and your Indy went through while he was so sick. I think only time will help to ease the pain but I think there will always be some pain from missing them so much. I am glad that your family was able to be with him when he left this world to move into the other world. Where he is playing with my Snookie and Chili Bean and all of the fur babies for LS. My family lost Snookie and Chili Bean 6 weeks apart.

Your story is so much like mine with my little Snookie, she too have liver cancer and Cushings disease. She later developed diabetes and the vet taught my daughter and I to give the shots she had to have twice daily but she was hypersensitive to the insulin. He told us to take Snookie off it for a few days but her pancreas shut down and she could not hold food or water down. Snookie passed away the day after Christmas and my heart will never be the same either. She struggled to live for 10 months from the day we found out how sick she was until she passed away. Next month she would have been 11.
Ann

Ann-
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I am relieved to know that Indy will have playmates. But so saddened by your story. You know first hand how much time and care we invested in our fur babies. Indy was also very sensitive to his insulin. I had to draw blood from him twice daily and give a dose based on his blood sugar levels. My background in nursing allowed me the opportunity to provide this special care. My teenage son and hsuband also learned how to give insulin shots.
I am sad that you lost Snookie and Chili Bean so close together.
I completely understand when you say your "heart will never be the same". Mine just aches for Indy.
I am fearful of what tomorrow will bring as it is the one week anniversary of his passing. I feel so raw. I cry at the drop of a hat and haven't been able to sleep well.
I just discovered LS over the last 2 days and have felt so much kindness from others who know how deep my pain goes.
Fran

Hi Fran,

Such a beautiful picture of Indy! You can just see all the love in those handsome eyes.
I'm so glad you found this site, though. I don't know what I would have done without the wonderful caring support that I received in here.

You gave Indy a peaceful ending to his suffering. That's the ultimate act of love. I also made that decision for my Rachael. We both took on the pain and suffering so that our devoted and loving furbabies wouldn't have to suffer anymore. When Rachael had to leave me, I was told that here in this forum, and that made me positive that I did the right thing for her. I would suffer for years so that my precious little girl wouldn't have to for one more day.

Please come here and write to us all whenever you feel the need to "talk". We are all here to "listen"!

Cheri

Cheri-
Thank you for responding to my post. It's ironic you should call Indy "handsome" as that was one of my little nicknames for him.
I have also been told that making "the decision" is the ulitmate act of love. I selfishly would have hung on to him as long as I could but was so afraid he might suffer. I could not live with myself if that had been the case. My family and I agree, that despite the pain, we did make the right choice.
I have read some other posts that speak to the terrible experience of euthanasia. My Indy was warm and cuddled. My teenage son had his face next to Indy's and as Indy received his injection he licked my son's nose. (Indy always gave lots of "nose kisses"). I have to believe he was saying "good-bye" and "thank you" to us. His passing was peaceful. Despite all my sadness I wouldn't have it any other way. It sounds as if you too had to be brave and strong for Rachael.
A little time has passed since you lost Rachael. When does the pain lessen? How long before you got through a day without crying?
Fran

Dear Fran,

My deepest sympathy to you on the loss of your precious Indy. He was so very cute!

LS is such a wondeful place, full of the most kind and caring people in the world. It really does help so much to post or just to read. I, too do not know what I would have done without this site.

Thinking of you.

Love,
Lynn

Dear Lynn,
Thanks for your words of support. Everyone on LS has been so kind.
I believe all of the wonderful people out there are going to help me regain my strength and get through this difficult time.
Fran

Hi Fran,

I am SO touched to read about Indy's final moments. How sweet! I'm sure he was doing exactly as you stated, and saying goodbye and thank you. My Rachael wagged her tail at me and lifted her head. That was the only strength she had left. I too believe she was saying goodbye and thanking for me for letting her go. Her passing was peaceful enough for me to feel okay about it. Since she wasn't eating or drinking, her vein collapsed with the first injection. However, the vet explained it to me, and I just held Rachael and told her it would okay and how much I loved her. Thankfully the second injection worked and Rachael died in my arms.

My experience has been a roller coaster. I would say it took me two weeks before I could get through a day without tons of tears. By the third week, I was still crying almost daily, but the tears didn't last as long. Then I would have days without crying and then days of crying again. After two months I felt I was on the "mend" because I could get through more than a week without crying. I was able to start looking through Rachael's pictures without feeling like my heart was wrenched from my chest.

However, I did have a set back near Christmas. I fell back down into depression. I think I was too hasty in believing I had "healed" completely. The holidays brought all the pain and memories back to the surface again. So, I just took a week to cry and remember her often, and feel my pain. Then I got back on my feet again.

The pain is still there, but I am no longer haunted by the memory of her last breath. I can talk about her and think about her without feeling so sad. Your timeline may be different, but I can promise you that a day will come when you don't feel as bad as you do now.

Take time to cry and remember your very handsome little man. The tears you cry and the pain you express (either verbally or by writing them out) will guide you down the road to healing.

Take care my new friend,
Cheri

It's two weeks today that I lost Indy. I thought it was one week. I'm having a hard time keeping track of time. The days are melting into one another.
Couldn't pull myself together enough to go to work. Can hardly type this post with all the tears.
I miss him sooo much. I read where someone else wrote "silence is deafening". How true those words are. I am always listening for Indy's footsteps. For the tapping sound his little feet made when he walked across the tile floor. The rustling sounds he made when he settled down at night and his sometime very loud snoring. I hate the emptiness and quiet in the house.

I know the pain is awful. The void is more than one can handle at times. It has been a little over 2 months for me, my heart still aches so much for Moose, I still wake up in the middle of the night longing for my Moose.
It was snowing here yesterday, a bueatiful snow big flakes, as I watched the flakes I remembered about all of us are as different as each snowflake but the same. I thought of each flake representing all that has passed, but it was just to huge to comprehend, I know in my heart this is not all for nothing. One day we will know why these things have happened to us, until then we can only hang on to faith and hope. I know what it is like to want to make the pain and the loss go away but you just cant cause the only way is through and there is no way around. But eventually we find a place to tuck them away in our heart until we can open it again. Pamela