It just seems so unreal that my darling girl has been gone for 2 weeks today. I think instead of it getting easier it has only been growing worse by the day. Oh I don't cry as much as I was and it's easier to put on a fake smile for people, but the longing to hold my little Snookie is getting worse.

I can't sleep very well and I often wake up calling Snookie's name. I have lost 16 pounds since she left this world 2 weeks ago today. Oh sure I needed to get rid of a lot more pounds than that but not like this I feel sick all the time. I have always enjoyed food and it shows so maybe if I'm lucky I will lose more.

I am just so tired and sad all the time and wish I could be alone somewhere and not have to get up and run this household for a while. I feel like I want to withdraw from everyone in my life and just have the luxury of not having to pretend things will be alright. I want to be alone with my memories of my little silver girl.

Things will never will be ok, I will never hold my little girl again in this world or kiss her sweet face, or be able to take her places with me. I will never hear her bark again or be able to play with her, hug her, or have her lick my tears away. I will never see her look at me with those eyes of love like only she could.

My 6 grand children will never be able to hug or play with Snookie again and seek comfort from holding her. The faces of my grand daugher Sara and I reflect the terrible loss and longing that we feel. The look on her face says everything that a millon words could never say about love and loss.

Sara was so sad that she did not see me take the camera and take this shot of her. She needs me to help her heal and I think I need her even more. Maybe together she and I and the rest of the family can find some peace and happiness but I really don't see any relief in sight for me in the near future. I just want back what I can't have my darling Snookie!!!!
Ann

Dear Ann,

I know the first weeks...and months are the hardest. The first 3-4 weeks after Shiloh's passing I cried every morning on my way to work and every afternoon on my way home. On about week 5 I didn't cry as much...here I am at week 17...I still cry, but fond memories are starting to replace the tears. The best advice I can give you is to not stifle your tears, let yourself feel the grief...be sad, be mad, whatever you need. I think the feeling of wanting to hold and love your little Snookie is something that you'll yearn for forever. What I wouldn't give to kiss Shiloh's head, run my fingers through her fur, smell her stinky little ears that I always referred to as aroma-therapy for me. Boy, I sure miss her...I know exactly what you mean, Ann...I know you miss your little Snookie too.

You're in my thoughts.
Love,
Kathleen

I know exactly how you feel, Ann. I'm sitting here crying as I'm ready these messages. I decided that I needed to speak to a counselor, so I have a call in to the vet school. They have counselors on duty for a couple of hours three times a week. If I haven't heard from someone from there by 8:30 p.m., I'm going to call one of the 24-hour services I found online. I desperately need to talk to talk to someone with training.

I knew this day was going to be bad because I had to tell the owner of the shelter we adopted Sonnie from about his passing. When I told her, she put her hands over her face and cried. She remembered him because we would take him by to see her occassionally, and we gave her a picture of both babies we got from them. She hugged me and told me that she knew there wasn't anything she could say to make it better, and that she completely understood. Her sheltie companion of 14 years died last month. She's still in the grieving process herself. She also said that it doesn't get any easier for her even though she's placed 24,000+ pets over the years - she still cries for the ones who pass on for whatever reason. She was so understanding and wonderful. I told her about this website and a couple of others, so she asked me to send them to her via email. I did that this afternoon. She was happy to hear that there were places for grieving pet owners/companions to go to talk. She wants to give us another pet - when and if we're ever ready. I explained that we know it costs money to take care of all the animals she takes in, so we would gladly pay the adoption fee for another pet. I told her I didn't know how soon that would be, and she said she understood perfectly.

It's been 15 days since we lost Sonnie. It feels like it's been a lot longer because the days seem so long. The pain is stil pretty deep, and I cry at the drop of a hat. I so badly know how you feel. I want to be over this part, but I know only time will heal my heart as it will yours.

Take it one day at a time and cry when you feel the need. Just remember to post as much as you need to.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for your words of kindness, I just love our LS family here but wish it was under better times like the days when we had our babies and could laugh a lot. I guess we may never feel much relief from our longing and pain.

I don't think I want to talk to a counselor somehow I will work through the pain. I guess some people might feel a bit better if they talk to one though. I guess I have always stood on my own for so many years I just don't like to ask for help.

I don't see how it could do much good and if they didn't experience it for themselves they would only be repeating words that they were taught.

You need someone who has loved and lost like the owner of the shelter who was able to cry with love and compassion. What we say to each other here on LS has real meaning and comfort since we have all lived through it and our hearts are broken. I think soon I may lay down and cry for a while.
Love, Ann

The compassion and understanding we have here on LS goes a long way toward helping me to deal with the loss of Sonnie. I just know from my past experience of losing my greataunt/best friend/confidant, my first marriage breaking up, and then losing my dad in a little over four months that I can't handle it on my own. I waited six months before I finally admitted I needed help. I spoke to a wonderful counselor who helped me a great deal. Sometimes we just need an outside ear to listen, let us cry, and help to rebuild our world. I'd call her again (I saw her at a dog training class so I know she has/had a dog), but I think she's moved. I can't find her in the phone book.

To try to lighten up this posting, I'm going to include a picture of Sonnie and Bear - if it will fit!! Any picture with Bear in it has to be pretty good size. I hope this works.

It worked!! The big guy is Bear. We all know Sonnie (he has all four legs). The black and white cat is Myles the Manx, and the pretty peachy colored girl is Peaches, Sonnie's girlfriend. It was like a Mexican stand-off.

If this makes one person smile, it was worth the searching I did to find them. I hope you all enjoy this look in to our little zoo. This was taken before we got Mitzi.

Ann-
I so know your pain. I can see it in little Sara's face. It is two weeks ago today that I lost my boy Indy.
I'm tired and sad too. I couldn't even bring myself to go work today. I'm moping around wrapped in a blanket wishing my little boy was here. We'll never be able to hold our beloved babies again, no more kisses or "furry hugs" but I think things will be OK somneday. All the supporters of this site have experienced pain as deep as what we are feeling but they have told me time does heal and I believe them. I look forward to the day when we can remeber our pets and smile over the joy of sharing their lives instead of crying over the loss. It may be a long, slow, painful trip but I know that day will come for you & me.
Thinking of you.
Fran

It is so terribly hard...............the longing to hold our sweet furry friends. Nothing can replace that wonderful, peaceful feeling. How I would love to sit with Rusty and kiss the top of his head again. He loved that the most and would stay with me until I walked away.

I wish we all had our furbabies back - Indy, Sonnie, Snookie, Chili Bean, Shiloh, Rusty.....

Poor little Sara - She looks so lost. Ann, hopefully the 2 of you will help each other heal.

Karen - is Bear part shepherd? Your kitties are very pretty/handsome.

Fran - thinking of you too as you travel this most difficult road.

Lynn

Hi Ann,

I'm still around, although not posting as much. I do think of you often, and hope that you are doing ok.

It is such an overwhelming sadness, isn't it. It still creeps up on me at times too.