I have had to put animals to sleep in the past, however, today was the worst day of my life, literally. I came home from work to find my 7 year old rottie/lab mix dead. He did not exhibit any signs of sickness or discomfort, which makes the guilt all the more diffucult to take. I find myself thinking over and over again about what I could've done to have made my sweet boy's life better. I loved Klaus more that anything in the world and after something like this happens, it kind of zaps you of any shred of faith that might have once occupied a place in your heart. My dear sweet boy died alone and I can only hope that he is not mad at me or up in heaven asking the question "why?" It was not his time and I feel as if both he and I were cheated. I am dying inside.

I hurt, I cry, I mourn the loss of my bestfriend. I hope that he is not mad at me, fore I am mad enough at myself for not showing 100% of the time how much I loved and cherished him.


I'm sorry Klausie....please forgive me.

I am so sorry that you came home and found you little boy Klaus had passed away. I am sure that he knew you loved him and understood if you were busy and not able to spend a lot of time with him. Our babies know when we love them and I am sure he is playing with my girls and all our furbabies on this board. He is happy and will wait until your time to come to him. It will take a lot of time to get over the pain. We all blame ourselves for something we should have or should not have done. But I am sure our babies love us and would forgive us no matter what we had or had not done. Come and talk often of your boy we will try to help all we can. Talking about our babies helps so much with the pain and guilt.
Ann

Hi Ann,

Thank you for your kind words and warm thoughts. Like I said previously, I have had dogs all of my life, I am now almost 31, and this is the first time in my life where I do not have a dog to call my own. All of my dogs were wonderful, loving companions, however, my dear, sweet Klaus, was something extraordinary. He was by far the sweetest, most lovable, gently 140-lbs. lapdog that G-d ever put on earth. His passing has wounded my spirit and my soul so deeply, resulting a level of pain and sadness that I had not previously known possible.

When things like this happen, especially since he was taken before it truly was his time, it makes me question the whole notion of faith and fairness in the universe. I just hope that my sweet Klaus is not mad at me. I can only imagine that when he got to heaven, all he could do was to ask "why now?" I loved my family and was not ready to go. It would absolutely destroy me to know that his spirit does not rest easy.

I love my Klausie Dog, always have and always will.

I am sad, very very sad today.

It may help you to know that in a dogs nature they would go off on their own to die, maybe even Klaus held on waiting for you to leave.

My Sadie had a heart attack in the middle of the night (I didnt realise that was what had happened) i let her out and she laid down at the bottom of the garden, i think to die, but i bought her in and she died in her sleep 6 hours later.

We all punish ourselves for some reaon or another it seems to be human nature, be kind to yourself.

Love Sue

Dear Sue,

I thank you for your kind words and sympathy.

It is very easy for us to beat ourselves up, especially when we lose a pet that we love so much. I have always known that animals, many times, go off on their own to pass away. It does not seem to ease the pain knowing that someone that I loved so much is no longer here with me, especially given that he was relatively young for a big dog. I loved my precios boy more than 99% of the people who have ever been in my life. I am not the type of person who is obsessed with my animals, but I love them all equally as if they are true members of my family.

My grandfather recently passed away. He and I were close, especially when I was younger, but when I got the news that he died, I felt no feelings of guilt or tremendous sadness/pain, fore to me, he lived a very long life and went peacefully in his sleep. However, with my precious Klaus, my heart wrenches at the thought of everytime I did not tell him I loved him, give him a kiss or let him up on the bed when I had the chance. Now he is gone, and many happy memories remain, but the feelings of guilt and overwhelming sadness will continue to haunt me for as long as I live.

It seems that I will only truly be at peace when I can see him again, hug him, tell him I love him and walk with him for eternity.

I am sad, so sad.

My heart is with each and every one of you who has lost one of your "children."

Brett

Dear Brett,

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy over the loss of your beloved Klaus. You must believe that he knew how much you loved him. You both had a very special bond. It is very easy, like you said to "beat ourselves up" over time we wish we had spent with our friends. You did the best you could while you had Klaus and he knew it. Come here often to talk to others who know exactly what you are going through.

Sincerely,

Lynn

Dear Lynn,

Thank you for your words and sympathy.

I do not doubt that he knew that I loved him, but I feel that I did not tell/show him enough or as often as I should've. My sadness is routed in the feeling that I somehow let him down and was not there for him when he needed me the most.

The one feeling that I have, that will haunt me is that I missed a sign or opportunity to take care of him. I keep thinking that I did not deserve such a loving, wonderful creature in my life....that he deserved better.

It makes me sad to think these thoughts, but the reality of the situation is that my sweetheart boy is gone and all that I am left with are memories of a time when life truly was good.

Sincerely,
Brett

Dear Brett,

I, too, am SO, SO sorry that you are experiencing this terrible pain and guilt.
I know there is nothing any of us can say that will make that subside. Only time will heal your pain and you MUST stop beating yourself up. My gosh, it is so obvious how much you loved your little boy, and you already realize that he knew that. Like everyone is saying, they usually don't show signs of anything being wrong, if they can. My little girl was one of those cases. She suffed an illness (cancer) and would NOT show any signs to me until her fragile body could no longer hide it. You had no way of knowing, and since you don't know what took his life, you are only torturing yourself without facts. I'm sure it was something that you could not have stopped or controlled. As Sue stated, he probably held on for you until you left. I have no doubt that your pain would still be as bad, whether you were prepared for his death or not.

I have learned in this forum that when we lose a furbaby, we look for something to concentrate on. You are still in the VERY early stages of grieving and you are obsessing right now on all the "what if...", "If only..." and "I should have...". We have ALL gone through that, and some are still dealing with those questions. This is very normal in the grieving process, unfortunately. I promise you he is happy and healthy now. He doesn't blame you for anything! He loves you

You will have to grieve and heal with time. Please continue to talk about him and cry when you need to. All these are steps towards feeling peace. Guilt is very common, and although you feel guilty for not being there when he passed, I feel guilty for being with my Rachael and making the decision to end her life. Our dear Ann has tried to prepare for Snookie's journey to Rainbow Bridge for several months now. She spent all her time holding, caring and telling Snookie how much she loved her. She even held Snookie when it was time. Yet, sweet Ann is suffering just as much as you are, and the rest of us too. There is just NO easy way to accept the death of our loved furbabies.

Please be kind to yourself. Your grieving heart shows just how special you are and how much you loved your precious Klaus.

Hugs!
{{{{{{{Brett}}}}}}}}
Cheri

Dear Brett,

I'm so sorry you came home to find that Klaus had passed away. It sounds like you and Klaus had a great life together and that he loved you as much as you loved him. I can't imagine that Klaus would be mad at you for not being there...his memories are of all the happy days you two spent together.

Please know that you're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Dear Cheri,

Your warm words and thoughts touch me deeply. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I am especially appreciate the hug.

I know that the grieving process is just that...a process, and it takes time.

My Klaus was such a sweet boy and I know that he would not he would not blame me for anything, however, that does not prevent me from blaming myself for any opportunity that I had, and missed, to tell/show him how much I loved him. I do not know how I will be able to get over the guilt of not telling him that I loved him yesterday before leaving the house. I have no idea why I did not do that yesterday of all days to have neglected to let him know one more time how much I loved him.

I just miss him terribly and wish that I could get back yesterday.

Brett

Hi Brett,
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with Klause. Anyone would be in terribly pain over that shock and loss. I can certainly understand how it shakes your faith about fairness... it just doesn't make sense. The pain and grieving is a testimony to the love that we did have for our furbaby.
Animals are so intuitive and in tune with us. I have volunteered at the animal shelter for years and had lots of fur baby animal friends. Our home is their home and they can feel love every moment they are home with us weather we are petting them or talking to them at the moment.
I do understand about grieving the lost opportunities though..my 9 year old black lab is terminally ill and I'm doting over her and making the most of the experience. I have a boxer that just loves to get out and even though my heart is drawn so much to the lab right now I'm really going to make the effort to get the boxer out cause she deserves it and I love her too.
This is all so hard... I think that the moral is to love as much as we can every single day... I do believe that every life experience has a positive side and we can all get something positive out of the hurt.
I'm comforted by the fact that your dear Klause is suffering in no way, shape or form right now. Bless you, Terri

Terri,

Bless your kind heart. Thank you for writing.

I am just having a hard time with the fact that I know that there were days where I could've loved him more and did not, and for that I am deeply ashamed of myself. My sweet boy deserved so much more than that from me.

I hope that he forgives me, fore I do not know if I can forgive myself.

Brett

Those days that you think you didn't love him enough... you loved him just as much as you do right now and it's my belief that Klause was keenly aware of that. Still I completely understand your wish that you could have loved him more.. that is just your love shining out for him. (((hugs))) Terri

Brett,

I am so sorry for your loss. From your posts I can tell that you and Klaus shared a wonderful seven years together. His life may have been short but it was a life rich with love and happiness..who could ask for more?

Don't beat yourself up about the times that you didn't have time to share with him. Like others have said, animals are forgiving by nature and when they love you...they LOVE you no matter what you've done. I remember taking my cat, Kasha, to the groomer (she was a long haired cat and got terrible tangles and "clumps" so I had her groomed four times a year) which she hated more than anything. She would be Sooooooo mad at me when she came home! There were times that I thought she would never talk to me again but within 30 minutes she always gave in and came running to me to "show off" her new hairdo. (Just writing that made me smile)

Kasha always forgave me, even in the end. She was so sick before she died and even though I did my best to care for her and spent every second I could with her it still didn't feel like enough time. I had a new baby in the house who demanded most of my day and I felt terrible leaving Kasha to her own devices while I tended to him, but every time I went to her she purred and nuzzled my hand. When her time came she looked me right in the eyes and I knew right then that she loved me and forgave me for everything I might have ever done wrong. She was my best friend...and she let me know that I was hers.

I was lucky to have my girl for 15 years and I spent a lot of time with her telling her how much I loved her all through her life but let me tell you, when the end came it seemed like I had spent no time with her at all. I felt so badly....why didn't I buy her hundreds of those little catnip mice she loved so much? Why didn't I treat her to wet cat food (which she adored) more than once every 1-2 months? Why didn't I let her sleep outside on the patio in the summer...she always wanted to I was just afraid a raccoon would attack her...she was so slow.... I wished I had spent more time doing the things that she loved with her. I loved my cat...I told her so almost every day and it still didn't feel like enough. So you are not alone in feeling that you could have done more, but in Klaus's eyes you probably did more than he could have ever hoped.

Life is precious but fragile...sounds to me that you and Klaus made the most of the short time you had.

Kristie

HI Kristie,

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. Also, thank you for sharing your story about Kasha.

Having lost "family" before, I have endured the pain of loss, however, when it comes sudden, with no warning signs, at least none that I picked up on, it is a completely devastating, delibilatating feeling. Hopeless and helpless, that is all that I feel. My life with my Klaus was so full and I took it for granted, now I am paying the price.

All of my departed "family" members were very special and loved, but Klaus was a glorious being, who fulfilled every expectation of what a "family" member should be. I love my boy dearly and only wish that I could share another moment with him.

I was reading about a place called the "Rainbow Bridge" which is where we finally get to be with our beloved, dear departed sweethearts again. I do not wish for death, but it seems like crossing the Rainbow Bridge with all of my "family" will be the only time when I will truly be/feel whole again.

Brett

Dear Abby's Mommy,

I know exactly how you feel and I am so terribly sorry for your loss. When I was a little boy, my mom brought our yorkie to the Animal Medical Center in NYC as he was 16 and his health was failing. After being examined, the Vet told her that they would recommend leaving him to try and stabililze his condition. She called later that day to check on him and while she was on the phone, she heard them actually call a code that he was declining rapidly. The Vet had to get off to tend to him. He died a few minutes later. My mom has never forgiven herself for leaving him there. This was 20 years ago and she says that her pain is a fresh today as it was then.

I know in time that we will all heal to a certain extent, however I think that in my case, a very large part of my died with my sweet Klaus. I find myself fighting back tears as I write this as one thought keeps going through my mind. I know as humans we try to rationalize things that do not make sense to us. This might sound strange, but I keep thinking that Klaus is up in heaven asking why he died alone, why did he have to leave us, as he loved us dearly and I know that he was not ready to go. This thought haunts me and I will forever regret not being able to hold him, kiss him and tell him that I love him. I know he is with me in spirit, but his sudden death has absolutely crushed me. I know he would not want me to feel this way, so I struggle to try and go on living, as I believe he would want, however, the dispair that I feel is so great that I almost cannot wait to get to cross the Rainbow Bridge with him.

I hope he waits for me. I hope I am deserving enough to see him again. I hope he forgives me.

I too am truly sorry for your loss. Klaus sounds like a wonderful friend, and you both enjoyed your time together. It's hard to get over the blame stage of grief, and even after you feel like you can accept what has happened, you'll find yourself sliding back down. All I can say is to keep posting and grieving in the manner in which you feel is right for you. We'll always be here for you.