Today - I had to put my little Sammie to sleep. She was 18 year old ##-a-poo. The reason I am writing is that I know it was her time. She had been diagnosed with diabetes insipidis (spelling?) over a year ago. This had no outward effects on her other than not being able to concentrate urine - which meant she would drink a lot and urinate a lot. She did so in the house - and I made the decision to live with this and clean up after her. The vet said she was in no pain and could live for a number of years with this disease, however there was no treatment or cure. Over the period of the last year and a half or so, her hearing became almost non-existent, her eyesight was such that she could only see things within a few feet directly in front of her, she began to become very unsteady on her feet - she would trip over things, run into walls, she got to the point of standing in her food and water bowls, and crying at her food because she didn't seem to know what to do with it. Very recently - the last 2 weeks - she didn't each much at all and would walk in circles and stop and sit, staring at the floor, and she would shake. I knew she was in pain and suffering.

I know I did the right thing - she lived a very long life - but I made the decision not to accompany her for the final act. Until I began reading some of these forums - I had no idea that some vets didn't perform the euthenasia right away, or that some animals suffer during this. I am now sooooo very upset that I did not go with her to comfort her until she was gone. Am I a terrible person. I now see that I did not do enough research regarding this and now it is too late. What do I do or tell myself that might help.

I'm so sorry about Sammie's passing.

No, you're not a terrible person. You gave Sammie a gift by making the decision to end her pain. You made the decision not to be with her when they euthanized her based on information you had. You can't hold yourself responsible for something you didn't know. It's my belief that most vets are compassionate people and want the best for their fur patients. I think there's a good chance that Sammie's passing was peaceful and without incident. The most important thing now is that Sammie is pain free. She's running and playing and having a great time at the Rainbow Bridge. What she remembers about her time on earth is that she had a wonderful, love filled life with you...that's really all that matters anyway.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

I agree completely with what Kathleen said. Euthanasia is usually performed very quickly and i agree that most vets are compassionate people and no one wants to see an animal suffer. Your pet was well cared for and is at peace. Best wishes for your healing process and may your mind rest on the happy memories. Terri

I would like to express my sincere condolences. I have had to put animals to sleep in the past, however, today was the worst day of my life, literally. I came home from work to find my 7 year old rottie/lab mix dead. He did not exhibit any signs of sickness or discomfort, which makes the guilt all the more diffucult to take. I find myself thinking over and over agin about what I could've done to have made my sweet boy's life better. I loved Klaus more that anything in the world and after something like this happens, it kind of zaps you of any shred of faith that might have once occupied a place in your heart.

I hurt, I cry, I mourn the loss of my bestfriend. I hope that he is not mad at me, fore I am mad enough at myself for not showing 100% of the time how much I loved and cherished him.


I'm sorry Klausie....please forgive me.

I am so sorry you had to have your Sammie put to sleep. It must have ripped your heart out and will take a long time to heal. My sister could not stay with her little girl when they put her to sleep and others here were not able either. I stayed with Chili Bean and held her and it was very quick and she went within a matter of seconds. My precious Snookie went on her own. You are not a terrible person, some people just don't have the strength to stay with them or can not bear the memory of that as the last thing they see. My husband is one of them and I know he felt bad but some people just can't do it. She loves you and knows you just could not do it.
Ann

Trace! How terrible for you and your dog! Do you have any idea what he died
from?

I know the guilt believe me. I am dealing with it now. I didn't recognize how sick
my pet was. I don't know how much earlier that intervention would have made
a difference, but I am haunted by it.

Animals hide how sick they are from us, unfortunately. We can't see what's going
on inside of them.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Dear Hegelsmom,

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

I wish that I did know what caused my sweet boy's death, however, after talking with the Vet, I realized that nothing is going to bring him back and if I were to find out that he died over something that was treatable/preventable, I would never, ever be able to forgive myself for contributing to his death. Maybe I should've found out and just dealt with the news, whether it have been good or bad, but I guess I am too much of a sissy.

I would give anything to be able to have my wonderful sweetheart back with me again. I will forever be haunted by every opportunity I wasted not telling him how much I loved him, taking him for that extra long walk that he loved so much or just spending all of he extra quality time with him that I could've.

This is not the first time I have lost a pet, but it is the first time that I have lost a pet in such a sudden way. I did not get a chance to say good-bye, and what makes it worse is the fact that everyday, as I left the house in the morning, I would tell Klaus that I loved him and I would see him later. Yesterday, for some reason, I did not say it to him and my heart will be forever broken knowing that I missed my last opportunity to tell him how much he meant to me.

Today is a very dark, sad day.

I miss my boy, my dear sweet Klaus.

Love,
Brett

My deepest sympathy to you on the loss of your precious Sammie. You certainly are not a terrible person for not being there with her.

When I had my almost 17 year old terrier mix put to sleep, my husband had to bring him. We gave him a sedative at home (he always hated the vet and she used to muzzle him) and my husband brought him without me. I just could not go. Please do not blame yourself. Sammie knew how much you loved her.

Thinking of you,

Lynn

Sammie and Brett

I think everyone on this board knows where you are - we've all felt deep, terrible, and very real guilt about what we did or did not do, should or should not have done. This can be compounded when the death is sudden. (Having said that I don't think we ever really expect THAT day to come).

I let my baby go and did not even know that the death was so quick. i thought stupidly he would drift away and I would have a chance to hold him whilst he went. He was dead before I could do anything. He went without me, I was only watching.

What we humans hold against others, animals simply don't. Our pets accept that what is, is, and how I wish we could be like that. So try not to beat yourself up over not being there or telling them how much you loved them - they knew that they belonged, and that they were loved, full stop. That's all that mattered. (Can you think of a time they judged you or had more than a 10 minute sulk?)

The guilt will not go away today or tomorrow, but it eases, and I hope we begin to realise the simple answer to all the questions that keep us awake all night is one our babies knew all along - that they were loved. Eventually we begin to realise too that the one thing that really matters is that we were there too, and we too, were loved by them.

Take great care of yourselves xx

Dear Kayelle,

What you say is true, we hold so much against ourselves when our beloved pets simply accept us for who we are and move on, however, it is had to reconcile the fact that it is only at times like this when we truly recognize the monumental impact that our pets have on our lives.

When we had to put our other dogs down, I at least had the opportunity to hold the heads in my hands and look into their eyes as they drifted away. Those experiences were horrible, but at least the last thing that we able to see before they died was the face of the person who loved them the most in the world. With my darling Klaus, he died all alone, on the floor by himself. Having not told him one last time that I loved him, I am unsure how I will be able to handle the grief and guilt. Whether it be today, tomorrow or a year from now, I have to live with the knowledge that I failed him when he needed me the most.

I thank you for your support and the support of all of the other wonderful people who have expressed their condolences and support. They say that we have to take it one day at a time, but it seems that each day without my Klaus will be harder than the day before.

Brett

Brett

One day when you think of Klaus it will be not of the picture of him alone in the house that you have in your mind now, but of the wonderful, stupid and little things that made Klaus who he was. I hope that day comes for you sooner than you think.

Until that day, there are many people here who have helped me through (though I don't pretend my life can ever be quite the same again - he became a part of me) - please speak to them , or just read the posts. It really does help.

xx

Thanks to all of you who responded to my post.

I am Sammie's Mom and want to thank everyone for your support. I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone and what I did was right. My sweetie lived a longer life than most and I am so thankful for that. I am having her cremated - not sure what I will do with her ashes just yet - but I had to do this because the unknown of where she would have gone - I could not have lived with.

I wish I had a picture for you all to see her sweet little face. Thanks again.

Carol

Hi, Carol-

I've had two pets cremated. With Dolly, my precious kitty of 16 years, I decided to leave her in her urn...she was never an outside kitty, so spreading her ashes somewhere seemed unnatural. She did, however, love to be in the bathroom with me. Whether I was showering, bathing, or whatever...she had to be in there with me. So, I keep her urn in the bathroom. Inside her urn is her favorite stuffed mouse, her collar, and some of her fur. Shiloh, my sweet puppy angel whom I just lost 3 1/2 months ago, is a different story. I did a couple of different things with her ashes...I spread some of her ashes in her favorite running places...along the fence line, under the bird feeder, and in the prairie dog town we used to walk to. I also made a little time capsule. In it I put some of her ashes, some fur, some pictures, a eulogy card of sorts, a toy, one of her scarves, a dog biscuit, and a chewie. I buried the capsule in the mountains where she grew up. Lastly, I kept most of her ashes in the urn, along with some fur, and a piece of her favorite toy. Shiloh's spread all over the place, but I think she would have wanted it that way...she was so very social.

Be creative with Sammie's ashes. Do something she would like and something you would like.

Dear Carol,

I am so sorry for you loss. I have had now had 4 of my "family" members cremated, so I know the sadness that you must now endure.

As for what to do with the ashes, I myself have all of my "family" together, in separate urns. When my time comes to join them, I too will be cremated and have my ashes combined with those of all of my "family" so that we can all be scattered together, so that we can all cross the Rainbow Bridge together, as a family.

I cannot imagine not spending eternity without those who I have loved so deeply and enriched my life. I hope that my sweethearts will wait for me.

Brett

XXOO

Hello all,

I've been thinking lately that I didn't do the right thing burying my Rusty. I still can't bear to look into the yard where he is (covered now by snow.) I am going to ask my husband to get Rusty out of the ground in the Spring so I can have him cremated. I really want him in the house with me. I'll get some kind of a bunny/angel container/urn. After reading what everyone has done with the "cremains" and I hate even to say that word, I feel that's the route I should have taken.

Kathleen - what you did with Shiloh's ashes..................That was so very touching and the perfect way to honor you precious friend......and with your beloved Dolly - another perfect idea.

Brett - how comforting for you to know that your "sweethearts" will be with you forever.

Carol - Will be thinking of you when you receive Sammie's ashes. I'm sure you will do the right thing in memory of her and you will feel at peace.

Now I feel unfinished until the Spring...........

Lynn

Lynn,

I understand how you feel. Out of all my cats Tommy was the only one I buried. I see his little grave and think he should be in here with me. I feel like I let him down by burying him. I was in so much shock from his death, and it was on a sunday that I was given his little body. At the time I wasn't prepared for any of my cats dying so suddenly. I had just moved to Nebraska 8 months previous and I live in a little town that wouldn't deal with a situation like that. Nobody was home when I received the news he had died and I had to go pick up his body. I sat here all day crying my eyes out. If time went into slow motion that was the day it did it for me. I dug my babies grave and waited for Rick to get home. We have friends who are native americans and we had a beautiful ceremony for him that night. Tommy was wrapped in deer hide and sent to his next life. When it would rain or snow I would think his little body was so cold... What an awful feeling. I understand all your feelings and my heart goes out to you. Remember the body is just a shell, and their wonderful little spirits went on to a better place. It isn't Rusty or Tommy that is in the ground, it is their outer shell that made it possible for their spirit to be in our lives.

Dear Kimberly,

Thanks for your note..............I will try to focus on what you said. How sweet for you to have had that nice ceremony for Tommy.

Lynn

I still don't have Sammie's ashes yet ! I wish this could have been quicker - it's been over a week and I would really like to have her back with me. How long does this process usually take.

I've been doing pretty well. On other spots in this forum there is discussion about whether its easier if they go quick or if it is drawn out. I think it has been easier for me because Sammie's situation was drawn out. I've been agonizing for the past 6 months at least knowing I should do something... I think that gave me the time to grieve as I was coming to the final decision. The first few days were rough, and I think it will be pretty rough when I go to pick up her ashes, but for the most part I am doing well, and I know she is at peace - not running into things or shivering all the time anymore. She's re-united with "Ticki" - my sister's dog that she lived with most of her life. I imagine they are both very happy right now.

Carol

Dear Carol-
I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Sammie.
It was also over a week before I got Indy's ashes back. He's been gone 2 weeks now. I haven't been able to look at them, but they are in a cannister, provided by the crematorium, in my bedroom. I have been shopping for a special urn where I can place his ashes along with photos, and a lock of his hair. I need to have him with me.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Fran