I just wanted to write something, to take away some pain. I can hardly see the screen as I type this. I'm a guy, well educated - but this has thrown me - and my wife - for a complete loop.

It happened on January 1, 2005. The New Year - well it couldn't have started off any worse. Our 8-month old kitten, Kit, who was the bright spot for 2004 and the joy of my life was taken by coyotes on Saturday. We have one other cat but Kit was - well special like no cat I have ever owned.

We stayed up until 1am on Saturday, walking the streets and calling her every 5 minutes but she didn't come home. A neighbor told us she had seen Kit in her backyard at lunchtime, heading for the open ground where the coyotes hunt. Its quite a ways from our house. She was always a wanderer and I had hoped that she would get her street smarts soon enough. I called my friend who lives by that boundary and he told me that the coyotes had become very aggressive - three families on his little street of perhaps eight homes, lost a cat each on one day.

I was up at daybreak on Sunday and walked for miles and miles, calling and searching.

Our prior cats lived to be 16 1/2 years and were allowed to come and go as they liked. Seems that very spirit that endeared Kit to me was her own undoing. She was the daring-do high-wire get-into-trouble type, climbing trees since she was tiny and sometimes getting stuck. She actually liked dogs and sought them out to play with. Quite the topic of conversation with the people next doot who watched Rusty, their lab, and Kit chase eachother around their garden.

Kit would sit on my lap in the office, often trying to catch the mouse pointer on the screen. In the mornings she would bury herself in my robe, curling up under my armpit, occasionally nipping my nose, once with kitten-sharp teeth, more recently the gentlest of feline affection. Her way of telling me that it was food time was to bite my socks as I walked towards the kitchen. The toughest thing was to only put down only one bowl on Sunday morning.

So I'm devastated. I see the movement in the shadows everywhere. I also feel guilt that I didn't do enough to protect her. That's a strange part of having a family I suppose. Could I have kept her in more? It was the family duty, and a difficult one, to make sure both cats were in before it got dark each day. I assumed that coyotes would hunt at dawn & dusk and that smart cats like Kit would have the edge in daylight. I was dreadfully wrong.

Right now I wish I could do the Rip Van Winkle thing and skip 2005. Sunday was always going to be a tough day, it is my mother's birthday, lost to me many years ago. Next January 2 I'm staying in bed all day.

Its so difficult. Last night I went to bed at 11 and my wife was in the office doing some emails. I heard her sobbing and I got up. Her whole body was heaving with grief and she looked even smaller than normal. All I could do was hold her while she convulsed and wept. God this is the hardest thing. I sat up with her until 12:30 then got her into bed.

Thanks for letting me post.

Welcome.
Though I have only been here a short time myself, I understand your pain, and
can tell you that there are many many caring people on this website that will
listen and help you through this.

My husband and I are in the same place as you and your wife right now, stricken
with grief and guilt.

Please post here often. It really does help.
I am very sorry for your loss.

Dear Kitdad:

I am terribly sorry for the death of your precious, young Kit, taken by coyotes!!!!!!
It's soooooooo horrible to think about, and my heart hurts for you and your wife!!

Please, you did EVERYTHING that you could do, to protect your little Kit!!!!

One thing that IS VERY, VERY HARD WITH CATS, is whether or not to keep them indoors, or outdoors...........

Try as much as we like.........it can be VERY HARD TO MAKE AN OUTDOOR CAT AN INDOOR CAT!!!!!!!!!!
An OUTDOOR CAT.........Well, they have the instinctual behavior to GO OUTSIDE..........

I am grateful that all of my kitties were "trained" as indoors..........
When I was younger.......I had a kitty that was an outdoor cat.......that, I tried to make an indoor cat.........
He was never, ever happy so we made the decision to let him go outside!!!


I "joined" Lightning Strike in the very, very early morning hours of February 8, 2004...............
After having put to sleep our sweet girl, Ernestine, at noon on February 7, 2004....

You are welcome here anytime that you feel you need to "talk to anyone"..........There is always someone here, and
if you'd like, you can always PM or E-Mail someone, an option that is given to you..............

You did for your wife, what my husband did for me after Ernestine was put to sleep, and for many, many nights later!!!
It is horrible to lose someone that you love.......

(In our family........we don't have any human children........so our sweet "furkitties" always were OUR BABIES!!!!!)

The advice I can give the both of you right now, is to just be there for one another, to love and comfort one another
when all these sad, horrible feelings come up...................

It WILL TAKE AWHILE TO START TO FEEL BETTER!!!!!!

But, "Feel Better", you both will..............But, "TIME" is your friend right now.................

It does take a good amount of time!!!!!!

WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU, AND FOR YOUR WIFE.........WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE CHATTING..........

Lightning-Strike was MY LIFELINE, AS WELL AS MY HUSBAND, BEN...............

God Bless you Both,

Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster xo

I am so very sorry about your loss. I'm glad that you posted... Writing down and letting your feelings out will help the healing process. Your sweet kitty isn't in any pain right now... although I know that doesn't take away your pain. Cherish the precious memories of your kitty and know that we all understand here and completely understand the pain that you have. If we didn't love we wouldn't hurt..but we would miss out on too much that way. I pray for healing for your wife and you. Blessings, Terri

Dear Kit's dad,

I'm so sorry for your and your wife's loss of Kit. Kit sounds like such a wonderful and spirited kitten.

You and your wife are in my thoughts. Come here often and share your thoughts and feelings...it will help you grieve.
Take care,
Kathleen

I am so sorry for your pain and loss and what a horrible way it was for little Kit to die. Kit sure sounds as though she was a wonderful kitty and that you loved her with all your heart. Please come and tell us more about her as it really does help to get your feelings out in the open and to talk about things. It will take a long time for the pain to get better but our group of people will hold your hand and feel your pain.
Ann

Dear Kit's Dad,

I am so sorry for you and your wife on the loss of your precious Kit. As everyone has said, come here often for it is the best place to be when you are suffering over such a devastating loss.

Thinking of you,

Lynn

I am so terribly sorry. Kit sounds like a true maniac cat, the best kind. Her naivety may have been her undoing, but that was also what made her so very very special. Cry together as much as you can. Grief is grief, be it over a kitten or a best friend. When your loss is both, the suffering is intense and there's no shame at all in it, regardless of how 'sensible' you normally are.

My heart is with you both. I lost my cat after 12 years 2 months ago. I cried for a month solid. Your Kit sounds much like him (he once spent a very cold weekend hiding in a neighbour's house with two German Shepherds, and ate them out of tuna before coming home. I was out of my mind - the neighbours were just amazed at the cat who adopted them and their dogs) .

Take care of yourselves. Be happy such a special cat chose to be with you, even for the briefest of visits. ***

Thanks for all your messages. It helped a bit to share my feelings.

When we lost our two cats within a month of eachother, in Nov/Dec 2003, they both dies of old age even though they were outside cats all their lives. They were even allowed to come and go at night because we have a walled garden and neighbors with similar walls all around. Its really a long way before open ground is reached. I think the developer who designed these homes was right to specify 6+feet block walls, he knew what he was doing.

Nonetheless I was pretty cut up by the loss of the two cats. The first one to go was the one I least expected to lose. She was always a bit of a runt. When we picked her up at the pound there was a notice "Hisses & Spits". I declare that this cat was sure we were going to eat her for the first three years, eventually she loved everybody (seems like she was especially taken by me, my family tells me). Anyway she died in my arms after I refused to let the vet - prematurely - euthanize her. It was the right decision. Right as rain on Friday, she died on Monday eve. I couldn't bury her for a week. I just put her in a shallow box and stroked her when I went into the garage. The second cat was so ill when we returned from Xmas vacation that she lapsed into a coma on the way to the animal hospital. Having saved her life once when she was 13 I was personally satisfied that I did everything right (its too easy for some vets to get give up and tell you its hopeless - I'm medical (humans) so I can & do challenge them. My daughter & I had a real weep and she told me later that I was sad for 6 months until the new kittens arrived with the 2004 litters.

I've learnt a few things that I think will be useful:

1. It was too late to take pictures around to neighbors after Kit disappeared. People knew her but did not know she was ours. The neighbor who saw her in her back yard would have called me if she knew Kit was part of our family. Next time I intend to show everybody our cat. Maybe a good way is to send a Xmas card with their pictures. Anyway for the 10-15 homes around I will make sure that everyone can recognize our pets so that if they wander we will know and can get there pronto.

2. It was only after we went looking for Kit that we prompted people to share their recent experiences with coyotes. Now - too late - we all realize that this pack has been creating mayhem.

3. We had seen a coyote near our house some time before. I never understood that this coyote was hunting our cats and planning his attack. Though we kept the cats in for a time his patience was long and his memory excellent. My memory is now as long too. I have taken measures to convince the pack that its easier to find wild food than pursue domestic cats. My neighbor has had a problem for a long time with the coyotes coming to her house. She has two minature dobermans. One was attacked by coyotes. Some years ago they killed her pomeranian. I believe they are still targetting her dogs and will continue to do so until she takes action. It should be a big WARNING sign if you see coyotes around, they're there for a reason and its not just fast food today.

4. I believe one thing that attracted the coyotes was all the Thanksgiving & Xmas turkey bones in the trash cans. It must have smelled like a buffet to them. Be especially aware around the holidays.

The worst part about the grief, for me, is the "what did I do wrong/how could I have done better". In short the guilt. That's because I'm "Dad" and I see my role as protecting the family -its a real basic instinct. I have some solace now that I have learned what to do better. I am however amazed that my neighbors, some of whom have lost several pets, have not taken a positive role to lessen the coyote risk.

Take care everyone (no sobs here this morning yet)

Dear Kitdad,

I just wanted to express my sympathy and condolences to you and your family.

My beloved dog, Klaus, died unexpectedly and suddenly last night. I am experiencing a tremendous amount of guilt, as I am having a hard time with the fact that because he was so sweet and special, that I did not always do a good job of letting him know how much I loved and appreciated him.

Klausie, as I called him, was "MY" boy, he was my 140 lbs. lapdog. I am 30 years old and this is the first full 24 hour period that I have spent, since birth, without a dog to call my own. I have had several exceptional dogs in my life, all loved and cherished for their own unique qualities, however, Klaus was TRULY SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL. I do not know how I will cope with not having him around, nuzzling next to me, greeting me at the door or literally "smiling" whenever I would walk into the room.

You wrote previously about seeing movements in the shadows. I know exactly what you are talking about, as I can hear him walking through the house with his metal collar clinking with each step. He only died yesterday, but the emptiness and silence is deafening. I miss my boy.

Please write anytime you need someone to talk to, as I will be here to listen.

Take care. Bless you.

Brett

Here's a picture of my beautiful Kit. Oh, here come the tears again.

Oh my gosh, that is the sweetest picture..I can certainly understand your tears. Sweet Kitty rest in peace and play at the bridge.

Kit is absolutely precious. I can understand your saddness.

I am so sorry to hear about your Kit, and what a beautiful picture. The best any of us can tell you has already been said. We all understand what you're going through right now. Post as often and as long a message as you need. We've all been there.

I have the same concerns about letting my cats outside as you. Myles sits at the door and looks outside but doesn't try to get out very often at all. Mitzi couldn't care less. Peaches is a different matter. She heads to the door whenever we let Bear (our akita) outside. She's even taken to going clear to the back of our fenced yard with him. I'm wondering if she's trying to keep him company since Sonnie's gone. We only have a chainlink fence, so she could get out with no trouble. We also live by railroad tracks, and there's a field on the other side of them. I've seen coyotes out here too. I didn't worry about the dogs because Bear would go after anything or anyone who went after Sonnie, but I don't know if he has the same feelings for Peaches. We've put a spray bottle by the door, and it seems to help to shake it. All of us with cats can only do what we feel is best for them.

Take care and hold your wife whenever she cries. It helps me for Rob to hold me, especially since I know he feels the same way as I. Just keep telling her how much you love and need her. This will bring you closer.

God bless you and all of us.

Man I'm having a tough night.

Thanks for your messages.

Just to let you know - in the picture Kit is stretched out on my chest. That's the way she liked to be. After a little while she would reach up with her paws to my face, then stretch out and bite my nose.

My daughter (16) is calm but deep down she is very sad. The whole family is "on hold", no laughter, nobody is really eating - just picking at food. My wife is being great. Even our other cat is being very affectionate to me, stretching out in my arms and tolerating much more tummy rubs than usual. Now she's sitting on the back of my chair.

At least I'm sleeping OK.

It's good that you, your wife, and daughter have the support of each other.

I'm glad your sleeping okay. That's one thing that so many have a tough time with. We get used to feeling our furbabies in bed with us, be it at the foot of the bed, or right next to us...it's hard to sleep when you're used to having them there, then all of a sudden they're gone. Shiloh used to smack her lips when she'd fall asleep...I used to find comfort in that silly little smacking sound. I sure miss her and all her smacking and licking.

You're in my thoughts,
Kathleen

Bubba was my lazy cat that slept with me on the couch and in the bed. I miss that soooooo much. Bubbas mom(Mort) and Bast(bubbas girlfriend) have taken up the slack getting under the covers and pigging out the bed. I still feel Bubbas spirit is here with us, because I am watching my other cats do things they normally didn't do. Mort is 16 years old and is running around this house like she is a kitten.

My heart goes out to you and your family for the loss of Kit. She is still with you in spirit.

kim

Only when my wife was away was it possible for Kit to come to bed with me, my wife suffers from asthma. When Kit was allowed though she would go right under the covers, down to the small of my back. One thing about her was that she REALLY liked warm places.

I think its getting easier, but not much. Seems like Jan 1,2005 was a black day all round, we have so many very bad stories from friends and acquaintances of things that happened on Saturday. I can't believe the sadness that the start of 2005 brought. Our New Year messages have sympathy written on them. The skies here are black - So Cal - like the world is draped to mourn.

Our tuxedo is crying to go out all the time. I think I'm a little bit grateful for the rain, she takes a look and decides otherwise. I wouldn't even let her near an open door normally, I just know that a major storm is more than she can handle.